Stress is one of those things than can come and go, be part of your daily routine, or just something that rarely happens.
Unfortunately for me it is one of those daily routine things.
I don't know why, and I don't know if I can even pin-point it to one individual thing - maybe it's part of university. That would probably make sense considering there has yet to be one day since September when I haven't woken up feeling stressed about something.
If you are anything like me you will probably find it really difficult to deal with stress. I find myself getting really worked up, unbelievably intolerant of everything, and just generally becoming a horrible person to be around.
I'm not even sure if anyone ever gets the same?
There are just those days where I wake up and instantly find that a tiny little thing can ruin my mood instantly. Maybe it's just because I'm female...are there any guys out there who get like that?
I find that my pet peeves become the main focus when I get like this. I cannot stand the noise of someone eating with their mouth open or breathing heavily. I get instantly riled and have to move out the room if someone near me is doing either of those things.
When I am stressed this gets a million times worse.
There are hundreds of different reasons why you might be stressed. Family problems, relationships, school or university, or even things to do with yourself might make you agitated.
When I get really stressed (as in I-have-an-essay-due-in-tomorrow-and-I-haven't-written-any-of-it kind of stress) I take refuge on my blog. Although that is usually counter-productive and I end up writing a 1000 word blog post instead of a thousand words on my essay, I end up feeling a million times less pressured than I did beforehand.
I have also recently found that I take comfort in drinking numerous amounts of coffee when I am stressed. Considering I drink a large amount of coffee everyday anyway, this is probably not healthy. But when I am trying to be productive I think the idea of "healthy" becomes a fairytale.
I've also tried going out for walks. However, it's winter and I tend to do work at night so it gets a tad cold and dark. So instead I take a breather, light some candles, and sit looking out a window. I end up feeling a lot better than before, and usually (this being the operative word) I can manage to get something done after.
If your stress is based more around an issue, such as family or relationship problems, then you might want to take a different approach than my "avoid everything for as long as possible" idea. Try talking it through with the person, or people, involved. Even though I feel like such a hypocrite here because I find this really, really difficult, it works.
Or if you're not feeling brave enough to come face-to-face with the person causing the stress, write a list. A list of anything. Pros and cons of the situation, why you feel like you do, things that make you happy, literally anything. Getting some emotion out on paper might make you considerably happier and feel like a weight has been taken off your shoulders.
I mean, I should be doing work right this second but I took my avoidance approach and it worked! Onwards with my dissertation.
What sort of things do you do when you feel stressed?
Keep swimming!
So this week I want to talk about consent and how saying "no" means no, but also talk about indirect consent etc. This seems to be a pressing issue at the moment after some attention on Twitter and YouTube surrounding some YouTubers. It seems this is a pressing issue, and is a serious area for concern.
I expect many of you think of rape when people talk about consent, but in my eyes this can also include sexual manipulation or anything involving alcohol/drugs etc. I am lucky enough that I have never been in this situation, but I do know people who have, and have had to deal with emotional stress ever since.
Something that is often overlooked is that women can manipulate men in to having sex with them too. There is a clear main focus on the fact that men are the ones who are always doing the manipulation etc. but I find that I know a lot more females who have done this than I do males. Although of course that is just people who I know. For example, the issue on how big of a factor alcohol plays in a situation like this can be serious disputed. In a university/college setting it is no secret that there is an extremely high alcohol consumption rate, and people very often have 'one night stands' - this is just simple common knowledge - but where should the line be drawn?
There is also the issue of emotional or psychological blackmail and manipulation. Someone, be it male or female, may blackmail the other in to something by saying that they might do something to them if they don't have sex with them. I think this is also overlooked as many people seem to think that in a relationship, you are obliged to have sex with the person. This is not the case whatsoever. The other person may feel like their actions are justified and that they feel they are in the right, but if you feel like you're being forced in to something then don't do it.
Also, if a woman, or even a man, is dressed provocatively it does not mean that they are asked for sex or even to be raped. How someone dresses is up to them and does not then invite another person for sex just by that. This is something that infuriates me in this debate and is often something that is posed by narrow minded people. A persons dress sense does not dictate this whatsoever, and I find the point posed about this being an open invitation as completely devoid of any relevance.
Although this post is entitled "no" means NO, a lack of consent doesn't have to be that direct. If someone pushes you away, or says they're not sure, don't go through with your actions. They may be doubting what they originally thought was something they wanted which acts as a form of indirect consent. Just because someone doesn't directly say "no", doesn't mean that they want to go through with it.
Well I say you are not obliged to do anything you don't want to do. Don't let someone force you in to doing something, whether it be sexual or otherwise. You are your own person and you have control on what you do with your body, or what you do not do with it. If someone threatens to break up with you, or tell people about you, then just get rid of them. They are absolutely no good to you, and are quite clearly only after one thing. Don't ever be afraid to say no. A healthy relationship doesn't have sex as the focal point - there are many other things that, when combined, form amazing relationships. No one has the right to tell you to do anything - do what only YOU want to do.
If you are having any issues with anything like this, or you think you know of someone who is, then click here to be put in contact with someone who can help.
Thank you for reading, and stay tuned for episode five of Tiny Talk coming soon.
This episode of Tiny Talk I think can relate to a few different issues that people encounter over their lives. From choosing GCSE's and A Level's, to deciding if you want to go to university, or even if you are having a career crisis like myself.
Life throws many different problems and decisions your way, and only you can decide what is the right choice for you. I think feeling lost is an issue that a lot of people seem to face around the 20 year old mark, unless you're super organised and you have got your life together somehow. I kind of envy those people; I am so indecisive that I change my mind about what I want to do, or where I want to go, every single day. One day I can feel like I know exactly where I am in life, then the next I could be borderline breakdown because I will feel so lost. So if you are at university or college, or you are about to be going to something like that, just remember that you don't have to follow the line of your degree or course after you graduate. It's not the end of the world if you choose to do something completely different - who cares as long as you're happy?!
If you are feeling lost and you don't even know why, then believe me I know that feeling too. Some days you just wake up and get that feeling that you just have no idea what you're doing with your life, or why you are where you are. The only advice I can give for that is to just ride it out - which is exactly what I am doing. There have been times where I have wondered why the hell I am doing what I am doing because I am just not enjoying it. But I keep thinking that at one point I thought this was a good idea and that it would benefit me in some way in the future - so why should I give it up now just to probably regret it later on in life? Always stick something out until the end, because you only regret the things you don't do.
At the same time, if you're feeling lost in relation to something you're doing e.g. a university course, or your job, try a new way of doing it. Whether this be handwriting some things instead of being glued to your laptop 24 hours a day, or switch up your daily routine. Doing things differently can reignite your love for something that you thought you had lost.
Alternatively, just do something you love! If you're feeling lost, just stop and do something that you know you enjoy doing. I do this with my blog. If I feel down or lost, I come straight here and just do some writing, whether I publish it or not, because I love it I feel a lot better. Try this with reading, or if you can draw go doodle something. A long walk can always solve any problem too; it's great for reflecting on everything, especially if you live down by the sea like I do. Grab your iPod, or a friend if there is one nearby, and just go for a stroll.
I hope that this helps anyone feeling a bit down like me, and if you have any more tips then leave them in the comments below.
As always thank you for reading, don't forget to subscribe and click all my social media links over to the right.
See you again next time for episode four of Tiny Talk!
You can read Little Boots' version of this HERE.
In some sense I feel slightly hypocritical dishing out advice on relationships. My view on them is somewhat tainted given my experience with them, but I guess you could say that I have been through rather a lot with them, so maybe I am a good person to ask for advice.
So something that a lot of people ask me for advice on is dating; when should I date a guy/girl? When is it right to make it an official relationship? Can I date more than one person at once? A million and one questions always come flying my way, so I am going to attempt to make this column answer almost every question you could think of.
I think society seems to frown upon the age of which it is seen ideal to start dating...the whole 'you have to be emotionally ready' thing I quite frankly see as bullshit. How can a society as a whole decide on when everyone is ready to date? It varies from person to person, which actually makes this question a lot harder to answer. So I would say that if you feel ready to date someone, then you go ahead!
I think the issue of dating more than one person is something commonly exaggerated in society. There is a major difference between dating and relationships and the whole cheating thing. If you are only dating someone, I see no issue in dating a few other people along the way. It's when things start to get a bit more serious, and your feelings develop for this one person, that you should really stop to think about whether you should make it an exclusive thing. This is where issues of cheating come in to play. So just make sure both parties are on the same wave length about where you both stand before you see other people, or if you start to feel more for someone then let them know.
This leads nicely on to when the right time is to make a relationship "official". This is actually something I have always struggled with, and I probably will forever contemplate when the right time actually is. I think it's one of those things where you have to sit down and actually discuss. In those silly high school relationships you don't really need to bother - if you actually end up with them for the rest of your life then you are either really lucky or you have essentially found the right person at the right time. But when it comes to adult relationships then you have to actually communicate, you know...that thing you really hate doing. You can't just wait for someone to be like "do you want to be my girlfriend?" anymore, because it simply doesn't work like that.
There also seems to be a lot of issues in relation to age gaps between people. I think this is something more of personal preference; for example, I tend to date guys who are older than me, but I have friends who date younger people etc.I think the question surrounds what the 'normal' age gap is before it gets branded as weird. I think this tends to affect people more whilst they are younger, in that a relationship between a 15 year old and a 21 year old may be seen as slightly wrong, but when that age gap is applied to people over 20 it doesn't seem so bad. There seems to be some sort of hypocrisy when it comes to age. Personally, I have a restriction on anyone 10 years older than me...which probably seems strange to my younger readers as you tend to date people the same age as you in school. But as you get older, age seems to become irrelevant. So follow your heart - if you like someone, then go for it regardless of their age.
Then comes the all important question that everyone wants to know the answer to...how do you know when someone likes you? I am possibly the worst person to answer this question but I'l give it a shot. I think it's easier to tell with girls because we will just flirt like hell in the hope that the guy will notice. All that eyelash fluttering, and touching, and bla bla bla. Yeah we all do it. Girls if you think you don't....you're lying...you do. I think it harder to tell with guys, because believe it or not, they get shy too! Most guys I think just think that replying to your texts relatively quickly constitutes affection...meh maybe it does...I'd be pretty chuffed if someone continuously replied quickly! I don't know....if they want to spend time with you then I'd say there is something there....God knows.
In slight relation...how do you tell someone you like them? Well as we all know I am a very blunt person, so I just tend to tell them...sometimes it takes a drop of alcohol for me to say it because (shockingly) I get nervous too! But I honestly think it's the best way to tell someone. Why beat around the bush and spend hours worrying over confusing mixed signals. The worst thing that can happen is they say they don't like you in that way and you move on from it. So just grow a pair and tell them!
There is this whole thing that it is traditional for the guy to make the first move. Well I say fuck that. Why can't the girl make the first move? I think I am well-known in my friendship group to always be the one to make the first move. I don't see the issue with the girl asking the guy out for a drink or whatever. I do it all the time - not that I ask a lot of people. It's the same thing with my previous point...the worst that can happen is they say no. Or you can go out for a drink and find out that maybe you didn't like them as much as you thought and then you have had a good chat and a good drink. Winner! People need to stop thinking that this whole traditional ideology of relationships applies...because it doesn't. Whether you think that Prince Charming is going to come swooping by on his bloody unicorn pulled carriage, get down on one knee and propose with this 374839 carat ring, then do that whole movie-star kiss in the rain thing....no. Just no. That doesn't happen - sorry! Life isn't a Disney movie....make the first move or you might regret it.
As a girl who has had an overall not amazing experience with relationships, I would quite like some sort of crystal ball to tell me when a guy is an asshole and when he is genuine. I think that a lot of girls, myself included, like this whole bad boy persona. Well I think it's time we all moved away from that...if they have that persona it's likely they're going to be one. For once in my life I think it's time I didn't get messed around and had a nice guy. So I think the one way you can tell if a guy, or a girl for that matter, is an asshole is if they don't pay attention to you. Don't get me wrong, my attention span can be shit a lot of the time, but I pay attention to little details. If someone doesn't pay attention to the things that you like, do, or mention then it's probably not worth it. You deserve someone who does those little things. They don't even have to be romantic things, but if they sit and watch a film you like instead of something they want, then I'd consider that a success.
I think in relationships and dating you can get really drawn in and not know when the time comes to walk away. This is something I have definitely struggled with and now I look from the other side I sort of kick myself about how long I held on to something that was ruining me. I have major issues with being alone. I don't know why, but I always have - a shocker considering I spend all my time in my room on my laptop....But I think that you need to put yourself first in these situations. If you aren't happy in your relationship, and things aren't what they used to be then maybe it's time to walk away. It will be difficult, especially if you are close to that person and have been with them for a long time, but someone can only love you as much as you love yourself, and if you aren't happy then it sort of speaks for itself....Also if someone treats you like shit then just go. Just let it go and find someone who loves you for you and treats you like a prince or princess, because those people do exist. You always find what you're looking for when you stop searching.
My final point is how to deal with a bad breakup. Now this I can most definitely offer you advice on. 2 out of 3 of my breakups have been seriously hard on me, and in my last one I did the worst thing I think I could have done. I literally drowned myself in alcohol for 2 solid weeks and did pretty much nothing else. Now I would not offer this to you as a solution because it isn't healthy and I ended up being ill after. I didn't focus on the problem at hand, I just ignored it in the hope that it would go away. It didn't. In fact, I came out worse the other side of the drink to what I went in. So my solution is to get a load of friends around you, grab a shit ton of food, and stick on your favourite film. No one ever solved anything completely alone. Someone offered me some great advice when I went through mine - keep living until you are alive again. I have stuck to that ever since. So if you are going through a bad breakup, or know someone who is, just offer them that. It did me the world of good.
A piece of advice by my lovely chummy, Little Boots, is that misery loves company. So there is a fantastic excuse to have all your friends over!
I am going to stop now, because this Tiny Talk has turned in to a Tremendous Talk, so sorry about that.
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If you have any suggestions for the next episode of Tiny Talk, then click on the little email button over there and send me a message!
As always thank you for reading and I will see you tomorrow for a brand new post!
Byeeee!
I was thinking the other day that I might start a little daily series on my blog to essentially keep me sane (although that was meant to be the entire purpose of this blog in the first place...). I am hoping that this follows in the lines of Chummy Chatter by Zoella and Sprinkleofglitter where they just talk about things on their mind, or important issues.
This is only going to be a small post I think - just a little something that's current in my life that I think might be interesting to you guys. But I will try and write these daily, each with a different theme. I will also be corresponding with Little Boots with our posts, starting tomorrow, so that you get two lots of advice and opinions - you lucky bunch!
So today's issue is frenemies. If you don't know what a frenemy is, it's basically one of those people who you could class as an acquaintance or someone surrounding your friendship group who you just don't get along with, or who bothers you in some way.
I think this tends to affect people more in their teenage years when they are still at school, or when they're trying to make new friends at a new job, or a new environment.
This is something I found particularly difficult to deal with in secondary school. I shan't go in to details on this, but it was all about finding out who my real friends were, and overcoming the fact I knew I would lose friends because of one person. It actually ended with me moving schools to start sixth form somewhere else because I didn't want to stay in an environment with those people anymore. Luckily this worked out really well for me, and I made a few life-long friends at this different place.
I think it is always difficult, especially as a female, to ever trust people when it comes to friendships. There is always bitchiness and back-stabbing in most girl groups - it is just something you have to expect I think. But always remember that you will come out the other side a much better person having been through that experience. It won't seem like it at the time, and it sounds extremely cliche, but it does get better. You have to think about yourself in situations like this; if you aren't happy in a friendship group because of one, or even several members of it, then remove yourself. It will be difficult, and you probably won't like the abnormal feeling for a while, but it's worth it. Don't let a few people in your life bring you down. Especially don't let it affect your school work or anything like that, because you only get one shot at it.
Don't go down the same dark hole I did and get completely caught up in the situation because you will make yourself ill. It's difficult to get back on track once you're that deep in, so please learn from my mistake and remove yourself and deal with the situation right away. You deserve happiness, and if that means losing a few people then you have to do it. More people will come along - you have a lifetime to secure friendships. I always thought I would be close friends with people from my school years, but in reality I now speak to only one of them on a regular basis, but a few more from when I removed myself from the first situation.
So today's moral is: don't be put off or think too much if you don't get along with someone. You are your number one priority!
If you would like to suggest a new subject for Tiny Talk, or something you want advice on, then click one of my media buttons to the right and I will get back to you!
Tune back in tomorrow for more Tiny Talk!
