Resolutions

Normally I am not one to make resolutions, or bother with this "new year, new me" shit. I once made a resolution to stop swearing...within a few minutes several versions of the word "fuck" had escaped my mouth and from then on I never bothered.

This year, I am giving in. 

I am making a resolution. Or two. OK, three. 

I hope you are rolling your eyes at me as hard as I am right now.

My resolution, as I admitted, is three-pronged.

First, physicality. 

It is highly obvious that I am marginally overweight, despite my doctor telling me otherwise. I have an amazing holiday coming up that I would rather not look like a slightly melted marshmallow stuffed inside a pair of shorts for. So, I am pledging to you that I am going to lose weight. How much? I would like to lose around two and a half stone by December next year. I would like to have lost at least one and a half stone by the end of July, just before I go on holiday. This time I won't do it for six months, lose a stone, get bored then pile it all back on plus extra. I am going to enjoy my last few days of eating all the shit leftover from Christmas whilst I can!

How am I going to do it? Well, conveniently, in order to save for my holiday, pay my bills and survive, I will be living on £12 a week from 1st January. This means I can't necessarily buy all the shit I would usually snack on, or treat myself to the odd take out. I will be buying the same basic ingredients every single week until August - partly out of choice, mostly because I have to. I will also be using my dogs as an exercise tool, making the most out of the walks we go on. I am poor enough that I can't afford the gym, so I will be doing a home workout of some sorts every night after walking the dogs. This means a lot of planning, which I have started to do now so watch this space!

Second, mentality.

I have made no secret on here of my mental health struggles over the last few months. I have already started attempting to work on these, but it is going to be a long uphill battle to the finish line. So, I am pledging to you that I promise to do more of what makes me happy, and less of what doesn't. I am going to try and spend more time working on writing both my blog and my book which has been a great tool to channel my thoughts in to. 

I will try to stop taking on too much when I know I can't handle it; I will do the mental exercises that I have been set; I will try to stop getting stressed about the unknown; I will spend more time working on me. I have slowly learned to accept help when I know I need it, so I am going to continue working with that help to get myself back on the right track.

Third, eventuality.

I am a planner. A serious one at that. When I can't plan for something, or the plan doesn't come through it gives me anxiety. It makes me feel uneasy, on edge and unable to function properly. This is what I am dealing with at the moment. Essentially, this works happily, or not so, alongside mentality. My family have always joked that I am too much of a planner and I need to plan everything; I am a sucker for a list and I plan things down to the last second. In a situation like I am in now where it is impossible to plan for anything apart from tomorrow, I am pretty much useless. It would appear that this could be the main cause of my mental health issues at the moment, which hopefully will improve shortly. I need to get past this hurdle in my life. I am at a crossroads and I have no fucking clue where to go with it. I need to sell my house, but the market is slow. I need to save money, but I am paying stupid money a month on my house. I need to find a new house, but I can't do that until I sell this one. It is an endless cycle and even now typing this, I am feeling uneasy about everything. 

So, how does this fit in with resolutions? I need to plan slowly for any eventuality; keeping my options open but being prepared for anything that may come my way. I am being organised and trying to get my ducks in a row and I am sincerely hoping that I am going to be able to type this post bloody happier next year. 

2019 cannot come soon enough, I am so fucking done with this year! I am currently planning (shock) how to go about all of the above and look forward to sharing and whining with and at you next year. 

I still say resolutions are a pile of shit, but here we go! 

Reintroductions

Do you ever sit and wonder what you are doing with your life? Well that is me. Every. Single. Day. Ever since starting this blog over five years ago I wonder what the fuck I am doing. Not in a "I can't do this anymore" way (not all the time...) but more in an existential crisis after existential crisis way.

Well, I’m having one of those right now. Again. It’s been a while, my last one being at the end of my degree through sheer panic of not having a job, let alone not having a job using my degree. I am sure if you have been reading this for a while, you might remember that existential crisis. We will try to not talk about that, can we just pretend like it never happened?

I have a job now that I’ve been in for over 3 years. But now I’ve come to a crossroads in life that I’ve never been in before. I’ve got little to no ties to where I am and what I’m doing and I’m desperate to do something new. 

Would I drop everything and ship myself and my dogs out to Orlando? Without a doubt. Shock. 

Do I feel like I’ve wasted my £50,000 piece of paper (whose location is currently unknown) that says I have a 2:1 in Criminology and Criminal Justice Studies? Massively. 

Am I questioning all my life choices and wondering what the meaning of life is? Every day. 

Do I hate everything that I currently stand for and the mess I’m left to clear up? We’ve already covered that. 

So, what to do next? I imagine a good start would be to start providing answers and not asking a fuck ton of questions. Time to make some changes. Time to spontaneously burst into song that will change everything and my Prince Charming will come riding into the scene on horseback with the wind perfectly blowing his hair. I watch a lot of Disney movies. 

For the record, I don't need "saving" but who wouldn't want some weirdly hot prince to bolt out of nowhere, sing some random shit and be like "hey, marry me?". I'm looking at you, Prince Eric. There's an insight into my weird mind you didn't ask for. 

What’s the aim of this? I’m as unsure as you are. I’ve been doing this on and off for five years and for some reason over 60,000 of you have carried on reading. We’ve had some ups and we’ve had some massive downs. Now I want to break out into Jungle Cruise skipper puns and I imagine only a handful of you would get that reference. I want to say I’m normal but that would be lying. And I must not tell lies. Sorry. 

I’ve been through my fair share of shit. Someone somewhere has been sprinkling bad luck over people infrequently and then came to me and thought “fuck it” and dumped the whole bloody bucket on my head. Now, don’t get me wrong, a lot of people have it worse and I know that but let me wallow in my self pity for a while. It makes me feel better. 

I’ve recently concluded that I’m like a slightly more modern day, slightly fatter Bridget Jones. Just without a Mark Darcy. Or anyone else pining for me. Unless you count my dogs when I go to work. But that’d be weird so don’t do that. 

This blog was always intended to be a real reflection of me. A true insight into the fuck ups and happier parts of my life. So that’s what it’s going to be. Yes, my content will be less family friendly, but then what person under the age of 14 is interested in reading the ramblings of a 25 year old nobody? 

People tell me I should take up YouTube. Well, let me tell you, I have a face for radio. Besides, I have the personality of a spoon and no one would want to watch me so you’re going to have to stick to that old fashioned habit of reading. 

So, let me reintroduce myself. 

Hello! I’m Danielle.

I am a 25 year old wannabe writer with little to no time to write, preferring (not really) to spend my time putting all my energy into my office job like almost everyone else in the world. I like Disney, Harry Potter and spending a shit ton of time watching films on a big screen in the dark on my own. Yes, I’m that person who goes to the cinema on their own. I love it - I don’t have to share my food or drink. Shout out to Cineworld for having Unlimited cards! Mine keeps me sane. 

I was engaged, now I’m not, and I have an incredible amount of strong opinions on cheating. I will make them known. And I’m not sorry. I currently have no interest in dating unless a guy comes along who could be “The One” not that he or it exists. I’m a firm believer that I need to learn to love me before I learn to love someone else again. I don’t like it when people tell me what to do with my life and I’m stubborn as fuck with an answer for everything. My mum is probably reading this thinking "I have been fucking telling you that for 25 years!"

I overindulge in anything to do with my dogs. I love them more than life. Yes, I am a crazy dog lady. Yes, they have their own Instagram. Yes, I am going to shamelessly plug it here.

I’m a not-so-secret fatty with a huge cheese (food) addiction that I need to sort out. Next year I am going on a multi-city American trip that I need to be at least 2 stone lighter for. What a mission. So I am sure I will post many a rant about how much I need to nibble on a block of cheese or eat my weight in salt and vinegar sticks throughout the first half of next year. 

I have champagne taste on a lemonade budget. In almost every aspect of my life. I like to have a nice phone, a nice car and expensive makeup. I'm not all that fussed about clothes - I am a huge Primark fan, don't judge. I hate shopping. I am also a terrible, terrible girl. Stereotypes and all that. 

I like to write. I can probably write about almost anything if I had to. I am currently in the early stages of trying to write a novel. I also suffer from Writer's Block...it's a real issue sometimes and probably the most frustrating part of my life at the moment. 

I have a real personality flaw of always wanting to do the next thing. I wanted to walk before I could crawl. Some people see this as drive, some people see this as never being content with what I have. I would say I am a happy medium. I am extremely driven and once I set my mind to something, it is happening. However, I am pretty much never happy with something and trying to improve on it in some way. Take from that what you will. 

I am not a touchy-feely person. Don't randomly hug me, it'll freak me out. I'm like those lizards in a pet store with the sign "don't bang on the glass, it startles the animals". That's me. I don't deal with emotions well, whether that be mine or someone else's. If you are crying and upset about something, 9 times out of 10 I am the wrong person to come to. However, I will furiously protect those close to me. I am not someone you want to piss off. 

I have this weird complex about wanting to please everyone. I am never happy until someone tells me they're proud of me, or I can see my successes. I always want to be better than I am. I'd say this is the biggest stress of my life and I put it on myself...I have some serious issues sometimes.

Generally, I am a flawed person. But who isn't? I used to be one of those people who won't admit there is something wrong or that they aren't perfect. Now, I am fully aware I am a failure in my life at certain things - I have been cheated on more times than I care to share, I am slightly too overweight even if my doctor doesn't think so, I am pretty shit at taking criticism. But, I wouldn't be me if I was perfect. And that's OK. I say this as I rock backwards and forwards feeling sorry for myself and wishing I looked like a Victoria's Secret Model. 

So, that's me - warts and all. I hate that saying. Gross. 

Over and out! Ergh, why am I not cool? 

All I can hear right now in my head is my dad telling me to stop saying "fuck". This one's for you dad! He's going to bollock me if he ever reads this. 

27 Things I Learned Recently

1. Life is not a movie. 
2. No matter how long and how well you think you know someone, they will surprise you. Might be good. Might be bad. 
3. Don't spend your time trying to please someone who has no intention or desire to please you.
4. Dogs, Dads and Grampy's are usually the only men who will never do anything to hurt you.
5. A good sing along at a concert at the top of your lungs to songs you love can make you feel good.
6. It is OK to get overly excited about things you love. 
7. You are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.
8. Friends come from all over the place. You might not have spoken to them properly for six years, yet when you need them, they will always be there. 
9. You should be proud of yourself.  
10. Do not rely on someone else for your happiness. Once you stop doing things to make you happy and start doing things with the sole purpose of making someone else happy, you are no longer happy.
11. It is OK to cry. 
12. Not everyone is going to love you as much as you love them. 
13. Get dressed, put on some makeup and a smile. It works wonders. 
14. It is OK to have a down day. It won't always be plain sailing. 
15. A proposal and a ring doesn't mean someone loves you enough to spend their whole life with you. 
16. The small things in life count.  
17. A house is not always a home. 
18. Sometimes the people you love the most are the ones to hurt you the most. 
19. It is OK to vent about things that frustrate you. If people are getting sick of it, they aren't worth keeping around. 
20. You need to let go. 
21. A relationship is a two-way street, not a one-way road. 
22. Heartbreak can make you stronger.
23. Somewhere there is someone out there who will adore you as much as you adore them.
24. Life goes on.
25. A cup of tea can fix a myriad of different problems. 
26. Life is a roller coaster full of ups, downs, loops and drops. But you always know as soon as you get to the bottom of the drop, you are on your way back up.
27. You deserve better than this. 

Friends In All The Right Places

Happy Sunday to you.

I spent the weekend in the Forest of Dean on my oldest friend's hen do. After the last month, I definitely needed this girly weekend. I had such a great time! We did Go Ape on Saturday, something I have wanted to do for a really long time and I am super proud that I did it without falling off!

It was also great to unplug from my phone and social media for a few hours whilst we were dangling on ropes 15 feet in the air. There are some fabulous pictures and I can't wait to share them with the rest of the group! Although, I am really looking forward to spending some time working on myself, pictures really make you see what you actually look like (post to follow!).

The one thing I realised this weekend was that no matter how long you go without seeing someone, no matter how close or not close you might have been before, when you need the support friends will always be there. 

This weekend I got to reconnect with old friends along with making a few new ones. 

It was great to be able to disconnect from real life and spend a weekend forgetting about what I have to deal with when I come home. But it was equally great to be able to openly talk about what had happened and to get the support from people who care about you. 

I got to laugh about all sorts of things, have a couple of drinks, play some games and genuinely have some proper fun.

It has really opened my eyes to the fact that friends come in a variety of forms, but ultimately when you need them to step up, they will go above and beyond to make you feel included, supported and loved. 

So, to all the girls who were the reason behind the most true smile I have had in such a long time - thank you. 

There is always someone out there to love you. It might just be that at this present moment, that is your friends. 

15 Signs You're Growing Up

Traditionally you're viewed as an adult when you hit 18 years old (or 21 in the USA, sorry!). However, as an almost-22-year-old I would like to dispute this. 

It is only now that I am starting to feel like I can almost fend for myself...sort of. 

Although, parts of my brain are still under construction and development...the Disney aspect of my brain still holds a lot of control.

However, as of recently there have been small things I have begun to notice that show I am not really the youngster my brain seems to think I am. 

So, I have decided that there are about 15 signs that really show when you are getting out of that stage of your life, and gradually progressing on to becoming an adult. 



1. You make your own doctors appointments 

2. And go to them on your own

3. You find yourself turning down the music

4. New slang words go over your head

5. Muscles and joints you didn't know you have start to ache

6. Chart music is somewhat a mystery 

7. Phrases such as "when I was younger" are creeping into your everyday vocabulary 

8. Christmas has lost some of its magic

9. But socks are suddenly the best present 

10. Early nights are appealing

11. Because long nights out are too much effort

12. And nights in with Netflix are better anyway

13. You realise the big 3-0 isn't too far away

14. People are starting to ask you when you plan on settling down

15. But most of all, you wish you were 6 again. 


I think that pretty much sums up how I have felt over the last few weeks. It would appear that growing up and getting older is pretty freaking scary! 

So, tell me in the comments below when did you first realise you were growing up, or what are you least looking forward to?

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Productive Procrastination

Hello, my name is Danielle and I am a procrastinator. 

Phew, I am glad that's out the way!

A problem shared is a problem halved, the first step is admitting you have a problem...phrases of that nature and all that crap....yep.

Procrastination is both a problem and a hobby of mine. I find myself mindlessly procrastinating over the smallest of tasks, sometimes I procrastinate over making dinner. Awful, I know. 

I thought once I hit my final year of uni (yay!), that I would almost grow out of procrastinating, and that the sheer pressure of having to write a dissertation, whilst running a society, maintaining my obviously very fleeting social life, stopping myself becoming obese (whoops...), and managing to actually get enough sleep, would be enough to force me out of this professional procrastinator title I have given myself.

Did it hell.

Having said that, I find myself now productively procrastinating. 

Uh huh, that is actually a thing. I am actually going to insert Urban Dictionary below, just to feel a lot better about myself.

It would appear that I have been given as an example. I need help.

Instead of binge watching anime on Netflix (I am still a teeny bit guilty of this on the odd occasion when I give in to the temptation), I now find myself tidying, hoovering, actually making a proper meal, and the worst of all....making lists of the things I am procrastinating over. 

To-do lists are my life.

I treated (using this term loosely) myself to a whiteboard the other day, simply because I thought (echem, knew) it would help me keep in check with what I should be doing, where I should be going, and when I should be doing things.  

So far, so good. 

Ish.

I am still procrastinating...possibly less so productively considering I should probably be doing work right now instead of procrastinating by writing about procrastinating about procrastinating over the things I was originally procrastinating over.

Ow. Does your brain hurt, too? Sorry. 

The silver lining to my ever greying cloud? I am actually several thousands of words ahead of where I need to be. I have actually been told, nay ordered, to take a break and go home. 

Who'd have thought? Danielle the serial procrastinator being told off for doing too much work?

Miracles do happen!

So, please make me feel better about my life and tell me your procrastination stories in the comments below. I don't want to be alone!

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The Tea Monologues | Part 1

Well. Where do I start?

You know, it took me over an hour to decide on what to call this post. To be perfectly frank, I can see myself changing it yet again before I am happy with it. 

I feel like it has been a while since I have let my guard down on my blog. I've been so caught up in university work that I have forgotten to leave time for my mind.

It's been one of those times. The ones where you don't really want to talk to anyone, but you feel like you might explode if you don't. Know those feelings?

I recently invested in a "Line a Day Diary". A five year journal giving me approximately 20 words (handwriting size dependent) on how my day has been, what I have been feeling, what I have been doing. Not so surprisingly the word "procrastination", or forms of it, seem to scatter the last...26 pages.

I really need to work on my procrastination.

Yes, I have a Frozen Starbucks mug. Don't judge me. No, it is not coffee (for once), but tea. Hence the title. Get it? Ayyyyy. 

Right now I am feeling a bit shit. As I look over to my wall and see my planner hanging there, all smug with its complete fullness of dates, meetings, deadlines, and placement days. I am starting to realise how busy I am going to be. There are little dots scattered, annoyingly very close together, showing me when I should be doing things. It is now I have discovered that I have only 1 free day a week. A Saturday. Of which will be spent in bed, not moving, and probably snoring. 

So I have a little under four months left at university. Four months. Shit. 

I am starting to enter that little pre-existential crisis phase again. I am feeling very anxious, permanently a little sick, and very jittery. 

It is dawning on me that this time in a year, or even 6 months, I could be anywhere doing anything.

But what I will be doing is bugging me.

There is a little voice in my head telling me to put myself out there, apply for everything. Then there is the louder, more strong voice reminding me of how scared of rejection and failure I am.

I found myself putting together a (not so) little Travel Bucket List, seemingly out of comfort - or procrastination, depending on how you choose to look at it. Do I want to travel? Yes. Can I afford to travel? No. Dammit, student loan.

Maybe I will wait a little longer to decide on my fate for the next few years.

I have been finding comfort, and possibly slight procrastination and admiration, in Will Darbyshire's YouTube Channel (of which I have linked, take a look). It appears we think in a similar manner; he just has the confidence to film his thoughts, whereas I babble on here.

This leads me to you. How are you? What have you been doing? Looking very lovely today!

Tell me, what is your main goal in life?

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A letter to my future self

Dear me, myself, and I

There is no better time to write something that you will look back on in the future than when your head is full of thoughts of the year just gone. A new year is not a time for a new you, but a time for you to improve upon what you have become. 

So in the following points of advice, older and most likely wiser Chubs, I wonder whether you still live by these minor, yet vitally important snippets of things I have learned thus far in life.

I wonder what you're up to. 

Did you ever figure out what you wanted to do with your life, or are you still hopelessly blogging with a not-so-secret wish of being spotted? Most likely.

How long did it take you to move out? I bet it was absolutely nothing like you thought it would be.

Did you ever get that pug? I bloody hope so.

So, future me. These are a few things I hope you listened to and swear by. If not...see you in hell.

First of all, and one of the most important things I really hope you realised: you are not perfect, you never will be. And that is fine. Accept yourself for who you are, and if you're not happy try to change it. Your imperfections may just be perfections to someone else. Who knows?

Don't be afraid to admit when you might need help. Later on down the line, you will regret not asking for it sooner. Apply this to everything in your life and you will go much further than struggling on your own.

Crying doesn't make you weak. End of.

You are your own worst enemy. No one will ever see you in such as negative light as your reflection does to you. At least try to be  positive about yourself. Confidence is key.

You can change your weight, all it takes is a little motivation. But at the same time, some numbers on a scale don't define you.

Always take the stairs. See point above.

Embrace your own happiness. Do one thing every day that makes you happy, and that'll make you feel better.

A smile costs nothing. Smile at a stranger, smile at your boss, heck, smile at your dog.

Not everyone you meet is going to like you, and not everyone who likes you will you want to meet. This is a given, and you can't change it no matter how much you want to.

Keep that dream alive. Don't shun something because of money.

Talking of money, it isn't the be all and end all. But save it, spend it, do something spontaneous with it. Just like your weight, how much money you have doesn't define you.

Don't listen to anyone but yourself. If something feels right then go for it, deal with the consequences later.

Follow your heart, but don't ignore your head. Apply to everything, no excuses.

Don't be afraid to go outside your comfort zone. Those boundaries are set to be broken.

Being a nerd is most definitely not a bad thing. Embrace your intelligence and you will go far.

But at the same time, just because you aren't as good at one thing, it doesn't mean you're a failure. Learn from your mistakes, and try again.

Don't give up. On anything. Ever.

Keep your head high when you feel like sinking. 

Do something that you want to do, not something someone else wants you to do. And if someone says you can't do it, do it even better.

Learn to say "no".

But also learn to say "yes".

Don't be afraid of your own emotions. It's OK to feel like crap sometimes, and it's OK to not want to get out of bed.

Let your guard down, even if it is just for a few hours. 

Think before you do, and think before you speak.

And finally, always get enough sleep. You'll thank me for that later.


So, future me, what do you think? I think it's a pretty solid thing to live by, and by the sounds of it it's served you well.

Live is for living, so grab it by the horns!

Here's until next time.

Enjoy the cake, Chubs!

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Tiny Talk - episode five: Stress

Stress is one of those things than can come and go, be part of your daily routine, or just something that rarely happens. 

Unfortunately for me it is one of those daily routine things. 

I don't know why, and I don't know if I can even pin-point it to one individual thing - maybe it's part of university. That would probably make sense considering there has yet to be one day since September when I haven't woken up feeling stressed about something. 

If you are anything like me you will probably find it really difficult to deal with stress. I find myself getting really worked up, unbelievably intolerant of everything, and just generally becoming a horrible person to be around. 

I'm not even sure if anyone ever gets the same?

There are just those days where I wake up and instantly find that a tiny little thing can ruin my mood instantly. Maybe it's just because I'm female...are there any guys out there who get like that? 

I find that my pet peeves become the main focus when I get like this. I cannot stand the noise of someone eating with their mouth open or breathing heavily. I get instantly riled and have to move out the room if someone near me is doing either of those things. 

When I am stressed this gets a million times worse.

There are hundreds of different reasons why you might be stressed. Family problems, relationships, school or university, or even things to do with yourself might make you agitated.

When I get really stressed (as in I-have-an-essay-due-in-tomorrow-and-I-haven't-written-any-of-it kind of stress) I take refuge on my blog. Although that is usually counter-productive and I end up writing a 1000 word blog post instead of a thousand words on my essay, I end up feeling a million times less pressured than I did beforehand. 

I have also recently found that I take comfort in drinking numerous amounts of coffee when I am stressed. Considering I drink a large amount of coffee everyday anyway, this is probably not healthy. But when I am trying to be productive I think the idea of "healthy" becomes a fairytale.

I've also tried going out for walks. However, it's winter and I tend to do work at night so it gets a tad cold and dark. So instead I take a breather, light some candles, and sit looking out a window. I end up feeling a lot better than before, and usually (this being the operative word) I can manage to get something done after.

If your stress is based more around an issue, such as family or relationship problems, then you might want to take a different approach than my "avoid everything for as long as possible" idea. Try talking it through with the person, or people, involved. Even though I feel like such a hypocrite here because I find this really, really difficult, it works. 

Or if you're not feeling brave enough to come face-to-face with the person causing the stress, write a list. A list of anything. Pros and cons of the situation, why you feel like you do, things that make you happy, literally anything. Getting some emotion out on paper might make you considerably happier and feel like a weight has been taken off your shoulders. 

I mean, I should be doing work right this second but I took my avoidance approach and it worked! Onwards with my dissertation. 

What sort of things do you do when you feel stressed?  


Keep swimming!

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The point of exams?

Having sat through hundreds of exams in my lifetime, be that SATs, GCSE's, A Levels, University exams, pre-job tests, and general tests and exams throughout school, I have started to wonder what exactly the point of these exams are.

After watching THIS video, these thoughts just got even more structured.

What exactly is the main point of an exam? It’s not really a test of what you know, it’s more of what you remember. Ever had an argument and remembered a great comeback a few hours later? This is what an exam is like for me. No matter how hard I study, revise or force myself to attempt to remember things, I get a mental block spanning the length of my exam and end up more stressed than I was before I sat in my seat.

This sort of thing really hit me when it came to my GCSE Maths exams – although this was a good 5 or so years ago, this definitely still applies to exams today. I physically cannot do maths at all. As soon as I see a sum or equation, each separate number merges into one and I usually end up angry at myself or in tears. I managed to just scrape though my GCSE Maths with a C, and I still wasn't happy.

Although maths is a compulsory subject until the end of year 11 (16 years old) in the UK, surely there will be a massive change and gap between those who have minds more orientated towards numerical reasoning, to those with a more verbal and literal brain, such as myself.

On top of this, about 99% of things you learn for an exam have no application in the outside world. How many times have you had to use something you learned in maths in your school years? Yes, I get that some professions might actually use all of these things, but not everyone who goes through school will become an engineer.

Personally, I find literacy exams a bazillion times easier than anything with even a single number in. I can write for days about almost anything as long as I have a tiny bit of background information on it. Want me to write about the hidden meaning of a poem I have never read before? Sure, give me 10 minutes to read it. Want me to write about the history of a country I have never heard of before? Cool, just give me a few basic facts. Want me to fill a book with absolutely anything that comes into my head? Fantastic!

How can exams expect to test absolutely every individual who passes through the education system in a fair way? Like me, one person might be academically good at one sort of subject, and then be less than average on another.

This also applies to those who excel at art. Take my sister for example. She has an incredible eye for art, and can draw absolutely anything in a matter of hours. In fact, I am going to include some of her artwork below.

She claims, although I dispute this to a certain extent, that she struggles with slightly more academic subjects. This actually ended up stressing her out in her GCSE’s last year, because she excels at art, she didn't think she would do as well in her other subjects.

Although I understand that the introduction of subject choices in GCSE’s allow this to be slightly eliminated, and doesn't massively affect anyone until they can completely choose every subject for A Level exams, this doesn't stop the stress, pressure, and general being a pain in the ass of exams themselves.

Anyone who knows me will probably be reading this either shaking their heads, or feeling a bit confused as to why I am writing about exams because I “got good grades”, “passed my exams”, and “have nothing to complain about”, but that didn't come without a lot of hard work, stress, tears, and me being general all round hell.

Why should exams put so much pressure on one person whilst they’re still young when it’s very rare a job you apply for 10 years down the line won’t bother to ask for them, or only ask for a select few grades? Or when they become less of a fair exam and more of a memory test? Or when they don’t test you fairly based on which way your brain processes information.

There is so much pressure on kids these days to get good grades, to get good jobs.

The truth is that you don’t need a degree to do something you love, being good at something and enjoying every moment of it will make you richer than money ever could, and a good education doesn't make you better than someone who doesn't have that privilege.

The world is your oyster, so don't let a random letter next to a subject define you for the rest of your life. If you enjoy something, go and do it. 

The sky is the limit, and no one is going to stop you.

So, what do you think? Could exams be more individually orientated, do you think they’re fine as they are, or maybe you think that everything I have said is just a load of crap.

Keep swimming,

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A message to you

Life can often get tough and throw so many things in your path

But when you get to a certain point you can stop and examine the aftermath

What you once saw as something bad can change in an instant to something better

And that is exactly what I want to tell you in this letter

No one lives forever, that is one thing we can be sure on

Your life will go by in a flicker and doesn't last particularly long

So say yes to opportunities as much as you can before it’s too late

Just try not to get yourself in such a state

That might end you in in some dodgy place or somewhere you don’t know

I've learned it’s always better to have a friend with you to go

To places and cities that never sleep

And create memories that you will never delete

To dance the night away and let things get mad

Personally, I don’t think that sounds too bad

Fall hopelessly in love and be completely reckless

Be happy and smile, and remember not to get jealous

Of people or things because it’s really not worth it

Just enjoy your life and revel in every single bit

Deal with your thoughts and things that cause you trouble

Be sure to allow some time for if you get in a muddle

Don’t let anyone or anything stand in your way

Of something that you want to do, it’s your life at the end of the day

Friends will come and go as much as they please

But it will be your family who will never leave

Be stupid and make ridiculous decisions

Be open not only to praises but also to criticisms

Do things for you and not for anyone else

They don’t have to live your life, only yourself

Don’t take shit from anyone and be true to you

And don’t be afraid to try anything new

Do things that scare you and don’t be afraid to cry

Don’t be afraid to say hello, but always be prepared for goodbye

Stand alone and stand together

And find the one who will be there forever

The one who stays with you no matter what may happen

That’s what life is all about, or so I imagine.

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Reasons why summer sucks

Everyone always seems to rave about how "awesome" summer is, and how they "can't wait for it to get here" because it's the "best season of the year". Frankly, I think that's just completely mental. How anyone can look forward to the summer is completely beyond me. Now, before you blast me with a million reasons why I am completely wrong, let me tell you that I have plenty of reasons to hate summer, and that I'm not being a summer Grinch. So this is my reasoning as to why summer simply sucks. 

Butterflies
Those horrible, winged balls of death have to be the worst thing about summer. They just fly around like they own the place, and then seem to take pleasure in dive-bombing my face. That is just not cool. Thank god they seem to go extinct in the winter months.

School holidays
Everything gets overrun by screaming, hyperactive kids. Not to mention teenagers who are too cool for basic manners. Don't get me wrong, we've all been there, but the older I've gotten, the more I find them infuriating. Summer means they're just everywhere.

Wasps
Me and wasps have an awful track record; they sting me, I end up swallowing them, they lead to injuries, bla, bla, bla. Bees are fine because those little things just want to get on with their lives, but wasps are evil little shits. 

Sleepless, stuffy nights
Summer always means that my room transforms immediately from an igloo to a sauna. I need a fan on continuously to prevent my room from melting in to a lump of material. It also means it's pretty damn impossible to sleep, and I like my sleep.

Hay fever
Anyone who doesn't suffer from hay fever will just never understand why we kick up such a fuss. Itchy, red, streaming eyes, persistent coughs, runny noses, and continually sneezing are all signs that you're approaching hell. If you don't suffer from hay fever then you should feel lucky!

Light mornings
On your day off, the bright light pouring through the curtains bang on 5am is so freaking annoying. At least during winter the sun finds some manners and doesn't appear until around 7.30!

Sticky heat
There's just no break from any sort of heat. If it's abroad then chuck all the heat my way, but UK summer heat is just honestly the worst.

Everything moves outside
As someone who doesn't particularly like the outside, summer is particularly annoying as absolutely everything suddenly becomes an outdoor activity. I am perfectly happy indoors where pollen cannot attack my eyes, and panes of glass separate butterflies from my personal bubble.

People going on holiday
Whilst some of us are in dire need of money and spend every day working to get it, others are off gallivanting on fancy holidays. Just to make matters worse, all their holiday photos get plastered all over social media websites, and I get instantly jealous.

Long days
Although some people find this great, when you're trying to sleep because you have work at 9am, and the sun is yet again pouring through the curtains it kind of sucks. In winter it gets dark at a more acceptable time of 3pm, so when you need to sleep it's possible.

Beds become too hot
I have that weird need to have to be completely covered by my duvet at night - it freaks me out that any part of me would be completely exposed to the scary night monsters. Summer is the worst time for this; I end up facing a huge nightly dilemma. Do I risk being eaten by crazy monsters, or boil to death under my duvet? I still can't decide.

Constant sweat
Everything gets completely uncomfortable; the smallest activity causes your body to imitate Niagara Falls, and everything needs to be peeled off. Yuck.

Melting makeup
Summer just makes me begin to resemble a waxwork left out in the sun. I mean, how exactly am I meant to be appealing to guys looking like that?

Thigh chafing
This is both a product of my not-exactly-thin frame, and summer. But it doesn't happen in the autumn/winter time, so clearly it's all summer's fault.

Bikinis
This definitely relates to the above point, and sucks equally. But also because some people wear bikinis that just aren't pleasant to look at, or queue the appearance of the green eyed monster. Fun, fun.

Hot drinks aren't cool
I am a huge fan of hot drinks, particularly coffee, and I drink multiple cups a day. When it's hotter than the sun outside, this becomes a teeny bit of an issue. Screw you, summer. I need my coffee.

Grass
Hay fever. Grass. Cutting the grass. Urgh.

Bright, sunny days
This is particularly annoying when driving and the sun pummels your eyes through strong sunglasses. I mean, there is absolutely no need for it!

Teenage girls
I must hear "best summer ever" come from groups of teenage girls more than 5 times a day. You say it every year, how can it be the best summer when next year you'll be saying the same thing. Flawless logic.

Steering wheel burns
I have an old car. Old cars don't have air con. I work in a cafe in the middle of a field. This means a lot of sun exposure. This is a little bit of a killer combination. The amount of times I have gone home with burned hands is ridiculous. 

Always being presentable
I hate having to always look good - girls, this means having to have silky smooth legs. Maintaining that is hell. At least in winter your legs are covered by multiple layers of clothing.

Lack of air con
We, as Brits, don't have air con in our houses; we have extreme heating. So when it gets warm we tend to melt a tad. 

Camping
I cannot comprehend what enjoyment someone can get out of sleeping under a sheet of plastic. Especially in summer when it turns into a portable greenhouse. Then there's glamping...what?...

Netflix days are frowned upon
Sitting on the sofa with headphones on, watching an entire season (or two) of a TV series seems to not be the norm in the summer. I am not sure why.

Winter seems an age away
A petition to shorten summer, and lengthen winter pretty please.


So there is why I don't enjoy summer.

What is your favourite season of the year, and why?

What's summer like where you live?

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