Tiny Talk - episode five: Stress

Stress is one of those things than can come and go, be part of your daily routine, or just something that rarely happens. 

Unfortunately for me it is one of those daily routine things. 

I don't know why, and I don't know if I can even pin-point it to one individual thing - maybe it's part of university. That would probably make sense considering there has yet to be one day since September when I haven't woken up feeling stressed about something. 

If you are anything like me you will probably find it really difficult to deal with stress. I find myself getting really worked up, unbelievably intolerant of everything, and just generally becoming a horrible person to be around. 

I'm not even sure if anyone ever gets the same?

There are just those days where I wake up and instantly find that a tiny little thing can ruin my mood instantly. Maybe it's just because I'm female...are there any guys out there who get like that? 

I find that my pet peeves become the main focus when I get like this. I cannot stand the noise of someone eating with their mouth open or breathing heavily. I get instantly riled and have to move out the room if someone near me is doing either of those things. 

When I am stressed this gets a million times worse.

There are hundreds of different reasons why you might be stressed. Family problems, relationships, school or university, or even things to do with yourself might make you agitated.

When I get really stressed (as in I-have-an-essay-due-in-tomorrow-and-I-haven't-written-any-of-it kind of stress) I take refuge on my blog. Although that is usually counter-productive and I end up writing a 1000 word blog post instead of a thousand words on my essay, I end up feeling a million times less pressured than I did beforehand. 

I have also recently found that I take comfort in drinking numerous amounts of coffee when I am stressed. Considering I drink a large amount of coffee everyday anyway, this is probably not healthy. But when I am trying to be productive I think the idea of "healthy" becomes a fairytale.

I've also tried going out for walks. However, it's winter and I tend to do work at night so it gets a tad cold and dark. So instead I take a breather, light some candles, and sit looking out a window. I end up feeling a lot better than before, and usually (this being the operative word) I can manage to get something done after.

If your stress is based more around an issue, such as family or relationship problems, then you might want to take a different approach than my "avoid everything for as long as possible" idea. Try talking it through with the person, or people, involved. Even though I feel like such a hypocrite here because I find this really, really difficult, it works. 

Or if you're not feeling brave enough to come face-to-face with the person causing the stress, write a list. A list of anything. Pros and cons of the situation, why you feel like you do, things that make you happy, literally anything. Getting some emotion out on paper might make you considerably happier and feel like a weight has been taken off your shoulders. 

I mean, I should be doing work right this second but I took my avoidance approach and it worked! Onwards with my dissertation. 

What sort of things do you do when you feel stressed?  


Keep swimming!

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The point of exams?

Having sat through hundreds of exams in my lifetime, be that SATs, GCSE's, A Levels, University exams, pre-job tests, and general tests and exams throughout school, I have started to wonder what exactly the point of these exams are.

After watching THIS video, these thoughts just got even more structured.

What exactly is the main point of an exam? It’s not really a test of what you know, it’s more of what you remember. Ever had an argument and remembered a great comeback a few hours later? This is what an exam is like for me. No matter how hard I study, revise or force myself to attempt to remember things, I get a mental block spanning the length of my exam and end up more stressed than I was before I sat in my seat.

This sort of thing really hit me when it came to my GCSE Maths exams – although this was a good 5 or so years ago, this definitely still applies to exams today. I physically cannot do maths at all. As soon as I see a sum or equation, each separate number merges into one and I usually end up angry at myself or in tears. I managed to just scrape though my GCSE Maths with a C, and I still wasn't happy.

Although maths is a compulsory subject until the end of year 11 (16 years old) in the UK, surely there will be a massive change and gap between those who have minds more orientated towards numerical reasoning, to those with a more verbal and literal brain, such as myself.

On top of this, about 99% of things you learn for an exam have no application in the outside world. How many times have you had to use something you learned in maths in your school years? Yes, I get that some professions might actually use all of these things, but not everyone who goes through school will become an engineer.

Personally, I find literacy exams a bazillion times easier than anything with even a single number in. I can write for days about almost anything as long as I have a tiny bit of background information on it. Want me to write about the hidden meaning of a poem I have never read before? Sure, give me 10 minutes to read it. Want me to write about the history of a country I have never heard of before? Cool, just give me a few basic facts. Want me to fill a book with absolutely anything that comes into my head? Fantastic!

How can exams expect to test absolutely every individual who passes through the education system in a fair way? Like me, one person might be academically good at one sort of subject, and then be less than average on another.

This also applies to those who excel at art. Take my sister for example. She has an incredible eye for art, and can draw absolutely anything in a matter of hours. In fact, I am going to include some of her artwork below.

She claims, although I dispute this to a certain extent, that she struggles with slightly more academic subjects. This actually ended up stressing her out in her GCSE’s last year, because she excels at art, she didn't think she would do as well in her other subjects.

Although I understand that the introduction of subject choices in GCSE’s allow this to be slightly eliminated, and doesn't massively affect anyone until they can completely choose every subject for A Level exams, this doesn't stop the stress, pressure, and general being a pain in the ass of exams themselves.

Anyone who knows me will probably be reading this either shaking their heads, or feeling a bit confused as to why I am writing about exams because I “got good grades”, “passed my exams”, and “have nothing to complain about”, but that didn't come without a lot of hard work, stress, tears, and me being general all round hell.

Why should exams put so much pressure on one person whilst they’re still young when it’s very rare a job you apply for 10 years down the line won’t bother to ask for them, or only ask for a select few grades? Or when they become less of a fair exam and more of a memory test? Or when they don’t test you fairly based on which way your brain processes information.

There is so much pressure on kids these days to get good grades, to get good jobs.

The truth is that you don’t need a degree to do something you love, being good at something and enjoying every moment of it will make you richer than money ever could, and a good education doesn't make you better than someone who doesn't have that privilege.

The world is your oyster, so don't let a random letter next to a subject define you for the rest of your life. If you enjoy something, go and do it. 

The sky is the limit, and no one is going to stop you.

So, what do you think? Could exams be more individually orientated, do you think they’re fine as they are, or maybe you think that everything I have said is just a load of crap.

Keep swimming,

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Things I'd tell my teenage self

Hello there, buddies.

Today I thought I would share with you my little nuggets of wisdom that I would tell my teenage self if I could ever go back in time. It has been a stressful day as I have only just got my internet back after 24 hours that it has been down!

I have to say, some of these may not apply to you, and some of them may only apply to my female readers. However, I will be tagging +James Martin  (BlogGod) to do this also for you male readers out there.

I am going to include all sorts of things in this from relationships all the way to money and friends, so you can see that this is going to be a looooong post. This is also going to be a more serious post in comparison to my normal ones so I hope you enjoy it, and I would love to hear about the things that you would tell your teenage self, so comment below in the comments box or tweet me @LovelyChubly with #NuggetsOfWisdom.

Without further ado, here we go!

Ok then, well the first thing involves money. I would tell my teenage self to not buy all that useless shit that you will never ever use, and save it towards something more productive. I had a bit of a habit when I was a teenager of spending money. As soon as I got a job when I was 16 I was all like “ooh my own money…I can do what I want and spend it all”. Erm no, teenage Danielle. That will come back to bite you on the ass. Which it did. I went to a lot of gigs and had loads of ridiculously expensive days out etc. and splashed out on meals out, cocktail nights, the works. As much fun as this was, it didn't leave me much money for things that I probably could have done with more than a simple day out. This I think it my biggest regret as it meant that I couldn't go on holiday when school finished, and I couldn't pay for all my car insurance which really sucked. It also meant that I am now screwed for my second year at uni because I didn't save all those years ago.

ADVICE: think carefully before you spend your money. Think: do I really need this? One day you may thank yourself for it.

The second thing revolves around friends and whatnot. I would tell my teenage self to be way more wary about who you befriend as it turned out I have had several “fake friends” over the last 7 years or so. But on the other hand, I would also say to stick close friends with certain people as I have got a few people that I am like “I wonder what they’re doing now?” Although I do speak to them every now and again, it isn't as often as I would like. I would also say to watch my own back rather than completely look after other people as that obviously didn't get me very far. Secondary school was quite a difficult time for me as a teenager; I was in and out of friendship groups and had issues with a few people which actually ended in my moving schools at the end of year 11 as I really just started to hate school. This ended up in me getting quite ill and whatnot so I would say to watch out for that as I would have avoided a lot of shit by being more attentive to what people are saying. Finally, I’d tell my teenage self to not give a shit about what people say. I was very much a “people pleaser” and hardly concentrated on myself. I have now changed my ways and am 100% happier because of it.
ADVICE: stay true to yourself, don’t listen to shit other people spread, and always have a close-knit group of friends – less is definitely more.

Now we approach relationships. I was in a relationship from when I was 15 until I was almost 18 (I think: it was a very long time ago now) and even until this day, I would say it is the best one I have been in (if you are reading this, don’t get too much of an ego boost!). I would say to my teenage self this one thing: DON’T BE A FUCKING IDIOT. I think that speaks for itself. After that I was in a relationship with one guy for about a year (this will be interesting if he does read this, which he probably won’t) but I changed myself for that as I felt that I wasn't enough. My teenage self was still an idiot there and I would say to never change for anyone because it is never worth it. Relationships as a teenager are difficult things to both keep and maintain as there are so many different things going on, so I hope you do take note from me!
ADVICE: don’t change for anyone, but also realise what you have got when you have it.

Now comes an interesting topic: family. This involves many aspects of family, so seat yourself comfortably. First of all, I would tell my teenage self to man up regarding hospitals and shit like that. My Nan was in and out of hospital for pretty much all of my memories that I have of her. Now if you know me you will know that I have a strong phobia of hospitals. This phobia really held me back from seeing her quite a lot (temporarily pausing due to tears: see I have a heart) and I have to say this is my biggest regret in my life. I do not have many memories of my Nan whatsoever, so I regret not having these memories for me to look back on now that she is no longer with us. Another aspect regards mums (my mum is going to get ever so smug if she reads this). I don’t have a majorly strong relationship with my mum as we have always seemed to clash. So I would tell my teenage self to swallow your pride and say sorry to all the things that you did wrong, of which there were many. Now that I am at uni, we do get on a bit better, but there are still clashes here. Unfortunately I think the damage is done if we are going by the psychological side of things, but you know.
ADVICE: don’t be put off by certain things that might prevent you from seeing your family as you will regret them when you can no longer do anything about it. Also don’t be such a horrible daughter/son and do what your parents say.

Now we come to appearance. I am not entirely sure why I looked the way I did several times throughout my teenage years. For example, I think EVERYONE goes through that emo/goth stage in their life? If you haven’t, you have still got it to come – enjoy! To my teenage self, I would say no. Just no. Also, I made the mistake of cutting my extremely long hair into a bob when I was about 15. I regret this so much as it has still not fully grown to the old length and I am now also 20, and it made it so thicker. So teenage self, don’t cut your hair because it will never be the same. I’d also say to my teenage self to not dye your hair as much as it will go all annoying when you are older!
ADVICE: panda eyes are not cute, never cut your hair short if you are a girl, be careful how much you dye your hair because it might never be the same after.

Now we talk about school – boring I know, but you will miss those days when you get to my age! I would tell my teenage self to not be such an idiot in school and ALWAYS try your hardest. This stems all the way back to primary school also. I got a level 4 in my maths in primary school and was ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATED as I had got level 5’s in my English and science (the highest level you can get). I cried so much! Then I would not be so stupid in secondary school as there were times when I just messed about and didn't pay much attention. I would slap my teenage self around the head and be like “pay attention you idiot” until I actually concentrated, because you may think that geography or citizenship is completely pointless but I guarantee you that there will come a day when you need it in your life. Then I would tell my teenage self to swallow your pride (again) and accept that maths tutoring (I still have problems accepting help). To this day I struggle like hell with sometimes the simplest of maths. I get things like algebra and trigonometry but I can never grasp simple things – I don’t think I even know the 12 times tables….Yet I can write so much so easily (as you know).
ADVICE: accept help if you get offered it, pay attention in class and don’t think you are awesome because you don’t. Because you aren't.

Now we move on to those irritating things that are called exams. I did OK in my GCSE’s coming out with 2 A*s, 2 As, 4 Bs, and 3 C’s, and for my A Levels I got 3 B’s and 1 C. Although these are really good results, and I have one A Level more than the average but I am still not happy with them. Especially with my GCSE results as I feel I could definitely have got my A in French to an A* so much easier. Therefore, I would say to my teenage self to study 24 hours a day if you have to, because you will need these results later.
ADVICE: don’t think that things such as GCSE’s are not important because you will need to highest grades you can get later on in life.

Teenagers are known for making stupid decision, but I think I made enough for the whole teenager population who lived before me and who will be born for the next 10 years. I was a terrible teenager and I did SO MANY things that I now regret. I won’t go in to them but I would definitely tell my teenage self to not be such an idiot and not get your house trashed. Yep.
ADVICE: if your parents tell you not to do something, or that it isn't a good idea, then don’t do the opposite and do it.

As a teenager I turned down several opportunities that I really regret now. For example, I was asked if I wanted to visit Australia with my aunty as there is family over there. For some ridiculous reason I turned it down. Bearing in mind I was like 12 at the time (not quite a teenager) but I do regret turning it down. I also turned down several other things similar to this. So then, teenage self, don’t turn down any holiday or opportunity ever, ever, ever again.
ADVICE: don’t turn down opportunities to go abroad because one day you will want to go to that place, and you won’t be able to.

Now for a few smaller and less deep nuggets of wisdom because I bet you're bored!

1. You are going to make mistakes, things will probably be a little bit shit for a while. But learn from your mistakes because they will make you a better person in the future.
2. DO NOT PICK YOUR SPOTS. They will end up making your skin scar! My skin now is so scarred both from horsefly bites and spots, so don't do it!
3. Enjoy being young whilst you are, because things get serious really quick after school.
4. Do more nice things for other people - they will appreciate it. Even volunteering (which I do now with the Red Cross)
5. Be more self confident!
6. Don't leave all your homework until the last minute and pretend like you have done it.
7. Go out and leave your comfort zone - there are many things out there for you to do!
8. Be brave!
9. Persevere with everything that you do, because it will so be worth it after a while! A little effort goes a long way.
10. Don't panic - everything WILL get better

Well then, folks, those are the things that I would tell my teenage self. I hope that you might take some advice from those - learn from my mistakes!

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Thank you for reading!

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Media Pressures

Hello there, buddies!

NOTE: this is a slightly different tone to my usual posts, please bear that in mind.

If you have been reading my UBC you can probably see a link between this post and my Day 3 post about complimenting. Media pressure is a big issue in today's society, I think. Media is becoming an ever increasing part of our day-to-day lives, and 90% of people are in touch with some kind of media each day.

Now this rant is coming from me and my opinions, just as a little disclaimer. As a girl, I will put my hands up and admit that I do get affected by the media. There are certain areas a girl is sensitive to, such as body image, and the media very skillfully plays on this vulnerability to create nothing less than a shit storm.

The first sort of pressure I want to talk about revolves around fashion. This is coming from someone who really does not give two shits about fashion - as you can probably tell if you know me. There are so many fashion magazines, such as the likes of Vogue, which promote a certain type of fashion. Also, things such as catwalk shows (Fashion Week) showcase so many crazy types of fashion, yet so many young girls aspire to own these items. This I fail to understand.... Why anyone would want to wear 80% of a bird on their head I do not know. This obsession that young girls have developed with fashion still shocks me. When you go shopping, there is hardly any individuality in clothes anymore - they all look the same! Fashion trends are so weird these days too....bring back jelly shoes! I believe this is all down to the media portrayal of fashion being the "in thing". Young girls are influenced so much by what they read in magazines, that they see that they must have the clothes, and that they will be ridiculed if they don't. Are you kidding me? What happened to everyone looking different? What happened to the saying of the world would be boring if we were all the same? Are we all turning in to robotic duplicates of the things we see in magazines? 

Not only are there pressures on the necessity of material things, but also on having these perfect movie-style relationships. Every girl dreams of that big Hollywood kiss and the fairy tale wedding, but how often in reality does this happen? Movies and TV shows these days often portray this image of an "ideal" relationship, which is often completely unattainable. Now, I fully admit that I would love this perfect view of love, yet I am also realistic of this knowing full well that is will not happen. The pressure on a relationship being perfect is so strong these days. It may be part of the reason why the divorce rate is higher than what it has been in previous years - people are viewing their relationships as failures as they are basing them on what they have been shown in the media. In reality, are we all following an unhappy ending?

Now I move back over towards the fashion side of things; I want to talk about models. Have you ever seen a model without all her slap and amazingly perfect airbrushing which makes her skin look like porcelain? I shit you not, they look awful half the time. There are of course the lucky few who look good. Models in magazines and photo shoots are photoshopped within an inch of their lives - I am pretty sure you've seen loads of those before and after shots. Do you think the magazines ever stopped to think that them clicking their mouse to achieve "perfection" is all of a sudden stopping millions of teenage girls in their tracks? This airbrushing is putting so much pressure on girls and women to look like the models in these pictures, when in fact the models themselves don't even look like the pictures.....

This moves me nicely on to size zero. Now I could go on a very long rant about this quite easily. As a slightly chunkier girl, I do fall subject to this size zero ideal. However, I think this pressure can affect girls much younger than me. I have read stories where 7 year olds have dieted and thought that they look far too fat - when in fact they have a perfectly healthy BMI - simply due to this pressure put on them. This size zero thing really ruffles my feathers - a girl is usually self conscious about their body as it is without this added pressure. The media need to reevaluate their main concept of what makes a good looking women. In reality how many women are actually this size? The average size of a woman in the UK is a size 14, which I think looks stunning. Even more so when in comparison to this skeletal girl-like woman who is starting to look slightly like an alien. A real woman has curves, not bones. Just saying.

On a slightly more scientific note, there are constantly pressures on stereotypes. I am going to try and not delve too far in to this as I have planned a separate post. The main thing I am going to focus on right now is the gender stereotypes. There is so much pressure surrounding maintaining a gender stereotype; it is only seen as acceptable when a girl is really girly and wears pink, and when a boy is all rough and tumble and wears blue. Well here is a bombshell for you.....I don't like pink. What do you say to that, media? Media especially has pressure on the behaviour of a girl, or even of a boy, in certain social situations, and then they strive to act in this way, when really they want to do the opposite. Do you really think this makes them happy?

The worst thing about media pressures is the outcomes, and the horrible things that people, young girls especially, put themselves through just in order to conform to an idea set by a middle-aged person who has no interest but promoting their name. The saddest outcome is when young girls, some as young as 10, develop eating disorders in their attempt to conform to size zero and to the airbrushed models they see. This is a clinical disorder that young children are developing simply because of the pressure put on them. This is so unfair! The child is damaging their body permanently, which could be seriously bad for them in later life. People are also developing depression because they don't feel like they are "good enough" when in reality they are perfect as they are. This is something that I feel very upset about. As a girl who has suffered through things like this, I can sympathise at how awful they can feel on a daily basis, but this could all be avoided if the media didn't apply such forceful pressure.

There is also the issue of bullying. As the internet is become an increasingly popular form of media, forms such as social media are becoming a large part of people'd daily lives, and cyber bullying is ever increasing. Facebook apps such as ask.fm have played a large part in fueling this seemingly popular trend in cyber bullying - something that is not acceptable! The internet is acting as a mask for people to hide behind, in order to chuck abuse at another person. I have seen many people being asked questions on ask.fm like "why are you so fat?", or saying cruel jibes about their race, or asking why they do something. I think that this is all fueled by the pressure created by the media. If this issue is not addressed soon I can see it getting extremely out of hand.

Despite this being a very long rant so far (yes, there is more), I think there are some opportunities where media pressure can be seen as positive. I think the main example of this is with sports stars - however, this isn't exactly "pressure" in the same way. Since the London 2012 Olympics, there has been an increase of the focus on sports in schools and as extra-curricular activities. Now, whether you agree with me or not, as this has been focused on in the media, many people are now embracing these new opportunities, and keeping fit and possibly creating new sports stars! I find that some social media can also be positive, such as the likes of YouTube. Now, I am a keen YouTube fan (I spent a lot of time on it.....) and it is full of popular YouTubers of all different backgrounds - which you can now see with the help of "Draw My Life" videos. These are just normal people who haven't been airbrushed within an inch of their lives, and they are very easy to relate to. They address personal issues and almost become like friends to their viewers, and they basically offer support! This is a very positive outcome of social media, I think.

Finally, I want to talk about what I suggest to you guys regarding media pressures. I know that everyone is affected by media pressure, heck even I am, but I am hoping you will take my advice here. No matter what you read in the media, or what someone tells you, you are your own person. Don't be dictated to about what you should look like, what you should wear, or what you need to behave like, because if you listen to them I guarantee that you will not be happy. Take it from someone who has been there, done it and worn the t-shirt - being someone you are not is hell. Also, be strong and fight your corner - people will respect you more if you stand up for what you believe in. I know this is easier said than done, but try not to be affected by the shit you see in the media, because most the time it is just all a facade and a load of bullshit. Take the likes of TV and certain things you see on the internet with a pinch of salt. Most the time they are written by one person who is just trying to make some money, so they probably won't even apply to you. Last but not least: smile through all the shit, because one day you will look back on it and thank it for making you a stronger and better person. The people who bow and conform to everything they see will get haunted for it later along the line; they may not see it, but one day it will bite them on the ass.

That is all for now - this has to be the longest post ever.....
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