Monday, January 26, 2015

The Tea Monologues | Part 1

Well. Where do I start?

You know, it took me over an hour to decide on what to call this post. To be perfectly frank, I can see myself changing it yet again before I am happy with it. 

I feel like it has been a while since I have let my guard down on my blog. I've been so caught up in university work that I have forgotten to leave time for my mind.

It's been one of those times. The ones where you don't really want to talk to anyone, but you feel like you might explode if you don't. Know those feelings?

I recently invested in a "Line a Day Diary". A five year journal giving me approximately 20 words (handwriting size dependent) on how my day has been, what I have been feeling, what I have been doing. Not so surprisingly the word "procrastination", or forms of it, seem to scatter the last...26 pages.

I really need to work on my procrastination.

Yes, I have a Frozen Starbucks mug. Don't judge me. No, it is not coffee (for once), but tea. Hence the title. Get it? Ayyyyy. 

Right now I am feeling a bit shit. As I look over to my wall and see my planner hanging there, all smug with its complete fullness of dates, meetings, deadlines, and placement days. I am starting to realise how busy I am going to be. There are little dots scattered, annoyingly very close together, showing me when I should be doing things. It is now I have discovered that I have only 1 free day a week. A Saturday. Of which will be spent in bed, not moving, and probably snoring. 

So I have a little under four months left at university. Four months. Shit. 

I am starting to enter that little pre-existential crisis phase again. I am feeling very anxious, permanently a little sick, and very jittery. 

It is dawning on me that this time in a year, or even 6 months, I could be anywhere doing anything.

But what I will be doing is bugging me.

There is a little voice in my head telling me to put myself out there, apply for everything. Then there is the louder, more strong voice reminding me of how scared of rejection and failure I am.

I found myself putting together a (not so) little Travel Bucket List, seemingly out of comfort - or procrastination, depending on how you choose to look at it. Do I want to travel? Yes. Can I afford to travel? No. Dammit, student loan.

Maybe I will wait a little longer to decide on my fate for the next few years.

I have been finding comfort, and possibly slight procrastination and admiration, in Will Darbyshire's YouTube Channel (of which I have linked, take a look). It appears we think in a similar manner; he just has the confidence to film his thoughts, whereas I babble on here.

This leads me to you. How are you? What have you been doing? Looking very lovely today!

Tell me, what is your main goal in life?


Saturday, January 10, 2015

A letter to my future self

Dear me, myself, and I

There is no better time to write something that you will look back on in the future than when your head is full of thoughts of the year just gone. A new year is not a time for a new you, but a time for you to improve upon what you have become. 

So in the following points of advice, older and most likely wiser Chubs, I wonder whether you still live by these minor, yet vitally important snippets of things I have learned thus far in life.

I wonder what you're up to. 

Did you ever figure out what you wanted to do with your life, or are you still hopelessly blogging with a not-so-secret wish of being spotted? Most likely.

How long did it take you to move out? I bet it was absolutely nothing like you thought it would be.

Did you ever get that pug? I bloody hope so.

So, future me. These are a few things I hope you listened to and swear by. If not...see you in hell.

First of all, and one of the most important things I really hope you realised: you are not perfect, you never will be. And that is fine. Accept yourself for who you are, and if you're not happy try to change it. Your imperfections may just be perfections to someone else. Who knows?

Don't be afraid to admit when you might need help. Later on down the line, you will regret not asking for it sooner. Apply this to everything in your life and you will go much further than struggling on your own.

Crying doesn't make you weak. End of.

You are your own worst enemy. No one will ever see you in such as negative light as your reflection does to you. At least try to be  positive about yourself. Confidence is key.

You can change your weight, all it takes is a little motivation. But at the same time, some numbers on a scale don't define you.

Always take the stairs. See point above.

Embrace your own happiness. Do one thing every day that makes you happy, and that'll make you feel better.

A smile costs nothing. Smile at a stranger, smile at your boss, heck, smile at your dog.

Not everyone you meet is going to like you, and not everyone who likes you will you want to meet. This is a given, and you can't change it no matter how much you want to.

Keep that dream alive. Don't shun something because of money.

Talking of money, it isn't the be all and end all. But save it, spend it, do something spontaneous with it. Just like your weight, how much money you have doesn't define you.

Don't listen to anyone but yourself. If something feels right then go for it, deal with the consequences later.

Follow your heart, but don't ignore your head. Apply to everything, no excuses.

Don't be afraid to go outside your comfort zone. Those boundaries are set to be broken.

Being a nerd is most definitely not a bad thing. Embrace your intelligence and you will go far.

But at the same time, just because you aren't as good at one thing, it doesn't mean you're a failure. Learn from your mistakes, and try again.

Don't give up. On anything. Ever.

Keep your head high when you feel like sinking. 

Do something that you want to do, not something someone else wants you to do. And if someone says you can't do it, do it even better.

Learn to say "no".

But also learn to say "yes".

Don't be afraid of your own emotions. It's OK to feel like crap sometimes, and it's OK to not want to get out of bed.

Let your guard down, even if it is just for a few hours. 

Think before you do, and think before you speak.

And finally, always get enough sleep. You'll thank me for that later.

So, future me, what do you think? I think it's a pretty solid thing to live by, and by the sounds of it it's served you well.

Live is for living, so grab it by the horns!

Here's until next time.

Enjoy the cake, Chubs!