Monday, January 26, 2015

The Tea Monologues | Part 1

Well. Where do I start?

You know, it took me over an hour to decide on what to call this post. To be perfectly frank, I can see myself changing it yet again before I am happy with it. 

I feel like it has been a while since I have let my guard down on my blog. I've been so caught up in university work that I have forgotten to leave time for my mind.

It's been one of those times. The ones where you don't really want to talk to anyone, but you feel like you might explode if you don't. Know those feelings?

I recently invested in a "Line a Day Diary". A five year journal giving me approximately 20 words (handwriting size dependent) on how my day has been, what I have been feeling, what I have been doing. Not so surprisingly the word "procrastination", or forms of it, seem to scatter the last...26 pages.

I really need to work on my procrastination.

Yes, I have a Frozen Starbucks mug. Don't judge me. No, it is not coffee (for once), but tea. Hence the title. Get it? Ayyyyy. 

Right now I am feeling a bit shit. As I look over to my wall and see my planner hanging there, all smug with its complete fullness of dates, meetings, deadlines, and placement days. I am starting to realise how busy I am going to be. There are little dots scattered, annoyingly very close together, showing me when I should be doing things. It is now I have discovered that I have only 1 free day a week. A Saturday. Of which will be spent in bed, not moving, and probably snoring. 

So I have a little under four months left at university. Four months. Shit. 

I am starting to enter that little pre-existential crisis phase again. I am feeling very anxious, permanently a little sick, and very jittery. 

It is dawning on me that this time in a year, or even 6 months, I could be anywhere doing anything.

But what I will be doing is bugging me.

There is a little voice in my head telling me to put myself out there, apply for everything. Then there is the louder, more strong voice reminding me of how scared of rejection and failure I am.

I found myself putting together a (not so) little Travel Bucket List, seemingly out of comfort - or procrastination, depending on how you choose to look at it. Do I want to travel? Yes. Can I afford to travel? No. Dammit, student loan.

Maybe I will wait a little longer to decide on my fate for the next few years.

I have been finding comfort, and possibly slight procrastination and admiration, in Will Darbyshire's YouTube Channel (of which I have linked, take a look). It appears we think in a similar manner; he just has the confidence to film his thoughts, whereas I babble on here.

This leads me to you. How are you? What have you been doing? Looking very lovely today!

Tell me, what is your main goal in life?


No comments :

Post a Comment