End of year ponderings

I realised today that I have pretty much hardly blogged throughout December....sorry about that! Things have been hectic and very busy! I had a statistics essay due in which I ended up pretty much bullshitting my way through, and then I came back to my hometown and I have had work, and I could pile a massive load of excuses on to you...But I am here now, so hello!

Just a little side note for any of my regular readers who will probably know the ins and outs of the last few months: I do apologise for my lack of posts. Not felt myself in a while, and I found it very difficult to open up to anyone let alone the entire internet, but now all is back on track and I feel like I can get back to my old style again! 

Although I am jumping the gun a bit with this post considering it is only December 19 (probably 20th by the time I edit and publish this) but Christmas is always mental in my family, and I am heading on back home for New Year so I don't think you'll appreciate a hungover ramble about my night. So I thought that I would take now to look back on my year and just have a general chit-chat like I used to before shit got all serious. Sooooo, queue long and boring diary post!

I think the first thing I think that I have noticed a lot more in the last few months is that I am no longer a miserable bitch! Stop raising your eyebrows at me, I am the first to admit that for the last year I have been a right pain in the ass. However, now that there have been certain big changes in my life with things coming to and end, and new things beginning, I think I am a lot happier in general. I am not aiming that at anyone in particular as I know a few people will probably read this and question me, but hey ho. It has been noted that I am a completely different person to what I was at the end of 2012, and there are a few people that I can probably pin-point this to, but I shan't name them because that would take too long and most of you have no idea who they are. Maybe they can have a little dedication at the bottom. Who knows? So yeah, I am a happy person now. I think everything that happened a few months ago, although upsetting and annoying at the time, has contributed massively to my state of mind now. But that is a story for another day. 

I am going to take this little section to just say that in the last couple of months I have also found out who my really close friends are. I have always been one for having a larger set of friends and not really let anyone in too much to get too close. But recently I have discovered that I could probably count my close friends on one hand - a bit of a shocker for me to be honest. I think this is probably because I have really dodgy trust issues sometimes, and I just hate letting people get so close that would give them the option to hurt me (of which I have recently learned the hard way again) but I have started to let that go with the help of a few lovely people. Again, naming and shaming is not going to happen - sorry, guys! Basically I found that a few people who I had previously been friends with were all back-stabby and typical girl related shit. This is why most my friends are male; just a gazillon times easier. So yeah. Much love to the select few who put up with all my shit and still love me all the same (especially as I live with a couple of them). 

Trying to go through in my head what I wanted to say - finding it very difficult to put in to words without mentioning names and direct situations. 

I think the most important development in the last year, particularly the last couple of months, is that my relationship with my mother has come on leaps and bounds. In the past we have never seen eye to eye, and I have probably been the world's shittiest daughter with all the shit that I have put both of my parents through in the last 7ish years. To which I now hold my hands up and admit I have been crap. But since all this shit happened in the last few months, I have grown very close to her which is nice, and we get on pretty well now. I don't know where I would be without her now; I could probably say that I would not be sat here writing to you if she hadn't been there. So if she ever reads this: I love you lots. 

I think sort of post-September I have become quite close to a few people that have normally just been bog-standard friends. I don't even know if that makes any sense? But I am so freaking happy with how this year has ended in relation to that, and the people who are currently in my life are bloody amazing. I think they all deserve some extra brownie points for dealing with me! 

Apologies for the weird soppiness there. Also, let me know in the comments below if you want me to publish the little thing I wrote when I was going through a lot of shit. It's just a thing explaining my mindset, and I would probably work in some advice around it. So comment below if you want to see that.

I have also finally (sort of) managed to solve my career crisis, yay! If you read my blog a lot you will know that I went through what my housemate would call a "quarter life crisis". You can read about it here, it will probably be a good laugh for you. I have come to the decision that I might do an extra year at university and do a PGCE (Post Graduate Certificate in Education) and look in to teaching. Completely unrelated to my initial degree, I know, but I work in a school in my hometown and everyone always goes on about how I should be a teacher. I love working there so I thought that yeah I'd quite like to give that a shot. Thus my career crisis came to and end!

Oh, I also managed to get an amazing opportunity working at HMP Dartmoor with Story Book Dads which are an amazing charity who work with prisoners to help them maintain contact with their children through books. It is absolutely brilliant, and I will be doing a post on them in the new year so keep your eye out!

What else has happened this year? Oh, I finished my first year at university last May after several horrible exams and whatnot. I didn't fail so that's good! I also discovered that I can drink a hell of a lot of vodka...don't ask. Ermmmm, oh and my Grampy laughed so much that coffee came out his nose! I am also considering finally putting some videos up on my YouTube...thoughts?

I have also learned a very valuable lesson from the end couple of months of this year. Life is short. Seriously fucking short. Cherish everyone you have in it because one day you might wake up and they won't be there anymore. This applies seriously to your family, especially your parents. They are the only people in the world who will love you and be there for you no matter what shit happens. Everyone else has the option to walk away, but love from a parent is unconditional. If you take anything away from this at all then make sure it's that. 

To quickly add to that little advice nugget, something that has hit home this year is that we only regret things we don't do. I have taken on so many different things this year, and accepted opportunities that I would normally just let pass by me. Take my blog for example: 6 months ago it didn't exist. Now I am my own website with a lot of credit for my work behind me! So do something exciting, something you would normally be scared of. Fear is only as big as we allow it to be!

All in all, 2013 has been a year of some serious highs, but also some serious lows. Yet I wouldn't change anything for the world because I have come out fighting and stronger at the end of it and I can sit laughing at the people who fucked me around, or fucked things up. I can 100% walk away from this year thinking I have done the thing that is best for me, even if I almost didn't manage to come out of the entire situation. 2013 went way too fast, and it seemingly showing no signs of slowing down - I don't like it!

Here is a little summary of my last year in one picture:

Some images courtesy of Jay Stone 

I have some awesome plans for 2014, kicking off with a trip over to Amsterdam (obviously for culture and not to spend the entire weekend drunk......) and then some pretty cool things for my blog too! I am hoping that next year will be better than this one. 

Think I will leave it there for now. Apologies for the scattered nature of this post, I think it kind of reflects my mind a little at the moment. 

As always, thank you for reading and I hope to see you all again soon!

Have a lovely Christmas everyone, and an even better New Year!

Love you all, bye!

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What would you try if you had no fear?

Once again I have become annoyingly and unbelievably philosophical because of a post that I have seen on Tumblr. I will post the original below just to give the owner some credit as this was an image rather than a direct quote. 

Via: http://the-personal-quotes.tumblr.com/

This post, as you can probably guess has sent my mind whirring away. I mean, what would I try if I had no fear? What would you try?

First of all I want to discuss the concept of "fear". I mean technically what is fear? Surely the fear of something is only as big as you allow it to be? So technically you could have no fear or something in general without this idea? I think I am thinking way too much in to this.

So what would I do if I had no fear? Initially I thought about an absolute ton of things that I would want to try, and then I began to think a lot more in to it. So I think I am going to split this in to several sections. Not quite sure how yet, so lets see how this plans out. 


Career/education

If I had no fear I think the first set of choices I would make and things that I would do would relate around my career choices. As you might know if you have read some of my previous posts about having a crisis (which you can read here) then you will know that I am absolutely terrified of the next few years of my life. So that is why I would be tackling this first.

First of all I think I would actually go for the career of my dreams - which would probably be a writer. For some reason I have a crippling fear of even considering this at the moment and I don't know why. I think it's because it has nothing to do with my degree and I just feel that it would be such a difficult career to pursue because of the major setbacks regarding freelance writing etc. Having said that, there are like almost no jobs in the criminal justice system at the moment so I guess that either way I am not going to lose anything.

As much as I love studying criminology, I think if I could try something without being scared of it I would choose to do another degree. I'd love to do a degree in journalism or creative writing or something similar. I think that this is just where my main interest is and I would enjoy it all the time. I do love studying criminology, don't get me wrong, but I am not passionate about it whatsoever. Then again I have said that I don't have a passion in a previous post (which you can read here). I know criminology has opened up some pretty good opportunities for me, including my current work placement with Storybook Dads which I will be writing about soon, but I don't think I want to work in that sector anymore. So definitely doing another degree, or even a postgrad course - money would have to be no object of course!

On a similar note, I would do something about my blog. I am quite scared of altering it in any major way in case it messes up and I couldn't get it back. So I would definitely get over my fear and purchase my domain name and become a proper blogging website. I know a while back I said I would do this if I got over 10, 000 viewers, and I am now nearing 11, 000...but I am terrified of doing it! I literally do not know why. I am just shitting myself about changing it. I also think I would need to employ the help of a web designer to make it all funky and whatnot, but I don't have the money to do that unfortunately. 


Relationships

This would be another area I would definitely do something about if I had no fear. For example, I would tell a certain someone exactly how I feel about them. Which sounds stupid because as a rule I would generally just go up to someone if I like them and let them know.

I'd also get the balls to ask Tom Daley on a date! The majority of you are probably now sitting there looking at the screen with a "what the fuck" look on your face because he's all famous and whatnot. He does live near me as I live in Plymouth, and I see him out and about all the time, so he's not a stranger to my life. I speak to him on nights out etc, and I even got a kiss off him (see picture below) so you know...totally in there.

Moving slightly on from that, I think I am quite scared of trying a different type of guy. I have a tendency to go for the same sort of looking guy which usually ends badly, as the recent one has. So I think for once in my life I need to go for a nice guy. 

I am currently at a crossroads in my life where I have just spent the last few months feeling like crap after being treated like complete and utter shit. I did write a massive post about this which ended up being about 2, 500 words but I don't know whether to edit it and publish it or just to leave it sitting on my laptop. Thoughts? So in relation to this, I think I need to stop being so scared of people and scared of putting myself first. It's safe to say I was in complete denial about how someone felt about me which lead to me basically spending the last couple of months in and out of something that has made me feel both worthless and humiliated. So yeah. So I would stop being so scared about putting myself first.

Life choices

Well I have a feeling that this is going to be a very long section. There are so many life choices that I am far too scared to even think about let alone completely contemplate to the point of a major decision. Having said that, I made a few decisions in the last few days (finally) after about a year of wanting to do them. 

I will tell you about the decisions I have made recently after bloody ages of thinking about them. The first regards my plans straight after university. As you may or may not know, I am a major Disney fan, and it has always been my dream to work in Walt Disney World and I finally got the balls to properly look in to it a few weeks ago. I found out that they offer graduate places for a year long placement with them working in different areas of the park. So do you know what? I said fuck it to everything and decided to apply. Obviously I can't apply until next year but I am going to either way! So hopefully I will get accepted in to that. I have also decided to finally start saving to make the big move over to Australia! I know this will take me a long bloody time but it is definitely something that I would love to do and have thought about for a few years now so it's like fuck it, lets do it.

Now, if I had no fear what life choices would I make? Hmmmm, this is a difficult one I think. As a rule I tend to make my life decisions with or without fear. Although I think I would be a bit more bold in my choices.

I think I would try to take on more things. Not in the form of work or anything, but I wouldn't say "no" to certain things. An example of this was about 10 years ago I got the chance to go to Australia and I turned it down because I was scared to go without my parents. Basically I am an idiot.

Adrenaline

This is a bit of a difficult one because I am such an adrenaline junkie and I will do anything to try and scare myself, whether that be watching a scary film or jumping out a plane. So instead I think I will just tell you about the things I want to, and plan to, do!

First of all I want to go skydiving! I don't know why, and I don't know when, but I am going to do it! I have always been curious about what it feels like to jump out a plane just strapped to someone else...the mind boggles.

I also want to go cage diving with great white sharks - something that has been offered to me in Australia when I go! My mind literally went "dksjfklsdgknd" when I found out that I could do this. I mean how awesome would that be? I am soooo excited. My mum won't like it though...

In slight relation to skydiving, I also want to do bungee jumping. Ideally off the Grand Canyon - how freaking awesome would that be?!

On a slightly less adrenaline filled activity is diving/scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef. I'm glad that I can say that i am going to tick this off my list in a few years. I have seen so many pictures of friends who have done it and I am so excited!

General

In a more general turn of events, I would definitely do something slightly more adventurous with myself I think. Maybe actually follow fashion?! If you ever see me, you will know that I have absolutely zero fashion sense and my mentality is that if it fits then it's fine. Maybe I should conquer this anyway?

I think if I had no fear I would also try to write a full on novel. It's something I have always wanted to do, and have actually begun planning one several times just to get frustrated with its lack of direction and throw it in the bin. At the moment I am considering doing some fictional writing on top of my blog just to see what direction it takes. Maybe publish it chapter by chapter.

But mainly if I had no fear I would pack everything up, chuck it in a backpack and set off to explore the world and just see where I am going. I take major inspiration from several YouTubers (FunForLouis, JacksGap, and Watchbbbtv) who turn these dreams in to actions. I would love the opportunity to do even half the things they do. JacksGap and Watchbbbtv actually did a collaboration (which you can view here and the JacksGap video here) with some amazing footage from Dubai. So as you can imagine I am extremely jealous of this. If anyone wants to take me around the world and let me blog about it that would be fantastic.

Maybe that's what I should do? I should travel the world and blog about all the things I do. Take a leaf from the Big Bad Bucketlist and do some of these things myself? Tempting....I could start off in Plymouth and just go from there...Thoughts?


To finish on a slightly logical note, I don't think life could exist without fear. As much as it may seem nice for someone to think that having no fear would mean that they could do anything, fear tends to motivate people and define people's limits on things. So without fear how would we know our limits? How would we get the motivation to tackle certain tasks? Surely life would be very slightly boring without fear. Fear provides adrenaline and although we could take part in adrenaline fueled tasks, we would not get that natural sense of it.

So I ask you guys: what would you do if you had no fear? Comment below with your answers.

As always thank you for reading. If you liked this post then be sure to become a member by clicking "Join This Site" to be told when I write more!

Toodle-oo!

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Passions vs interests

Hello there, buddies.

The other day I watched a clip about an economist (whose name escapes me) and he was talking about the differences between interests and passions in relation to failure and success. This clip really got my mind buzzing and I turned to my friend saying that I really need to blog about this sort of thing. So...here it is.

Now I think that there is a clear distinction between something you are interested in, and something that you are passionate about. However, the person who was speaking in that clip said that you cannot be successful by pursuing something you are simply interested in, yet not passionate about. This is something I think I am going to chat about today.

It was also said that you have to be successful to have a 'great' career. Now I say to you, what makes a 'great' career? I think that anything that provides a stable income and something you enjoy doing is a great career. I don't know what your opinions on this would be, so please do tell me in the comments below. The idea of a great career is clearly subjective, and most likely is going to change depending on the outlook of a person and what they enjoy. Also, the status of a career is going to change whether it is viewed as good or great. For example, my dad is a firefighter, a career that many people see as great. From someone who has an inside view, I would say that this would be 'good' career based on the theory provided by the economist. This is because he risks his life on a daily basis, doesn't have a high income, and is most likely something that my dad is not 100% passionate about (although others would disagree). However, someone who has an outside view would view this as a 'great' career because of this heroic stigma attached to it.They are often sensationalized as people who saves lives - which of course they do - but what people always tend to forget is that they put the lives of others before their own...and thy get paid pennies to do it. People idolise the likes of football players (who get paid over 30 times more what my dad gets in a year) who just run around on a field for a while chasing a white ball and over-exaggerating any contact they get. These types of people are passionate about what they do, yes, but they only made a career out of things by luck - nothing to do with being passionate. I would label my dad's career as 'good' because of the sheer fear that comes along with it - would you think that it is great wondering whether your dad is OK after tackling a blazing fire? 

The thing is, it was said that something you are only interested in basically means you are doomed for failure? Do I agree with this? No, I do not. As someone who doesn't have a passion, this basic theory means that I am doomed to fail in life. Now this is just ridiculous. I have very high aspirations for myself, but in something I am only interested in. Does this mean that I will just spend the rest of my life failing at anything I go for? I think not. 

I think it is irrelevant as to whether you are interested in something, or passionate about it, whether you succeed in it. If you are driven enough, know the right people, or have the right attitude then you will succeed. Interest and passion play no role in that.

I would say I am only interested in the subject that I am studying at university, yet I am hoping to have a career in the subject. I also have got relevant experience in it, and a once in a lifetime opportunity in this area without being passionate about it. Do you think I am going to fail simply because I am only interested in it?

The economist is suggested that no external factors play a role in whether you succeed or fail in life, and that it is driven simply by the desire fabricated by a severe interest in a certain thing. Take my blog for example. I wouldn't quite describe my blog as my passion as I find it quite easy to stop blogging for a while and turn my attention to other things; the same can be said about my degree. Someone who is passionate about something can only focus their main attention on that one given subject, without being able to voluntarily cease their involvement in it. 

Would a passion mean that I am more likely to succeed in life? I do take two opposing views on this...First of all, it might help me along my way because of the extent of drive it would enforce in me. I would be likely to continue to pursue what I am doing out of pure interest and the desire to succeed because of how I felt about the said subject. But on the other hand, I feel that I don't need to be passionate about about it to get to that level of success. I can see the opinion of the economist, yes, but what I do not understand is why it is viewed that passion overrules interest. Surely you have to be interested in something for it to become a passion? Whether this interest is furthered to become a passion is down to the perceptions of the person involved. Just because they don't develop that strong attachment to it that develops in to a passion, doesn't mean they cannot be successful in that field. 

I think that passions are a good thing to have, yes. But I think it's rare that you can find something to be that attached to. Some people have passions and go far in life, and some even become famous, but some people just aren't that lucky. For example, me! I am never going to be famous or crazy successful because I am just not that lucky - but that is a post for another time!

I think I need to draw this all together now; I seem to have rabbited on a bit too much, sorry! Long story short, I don't think people should be made to feel bad for the fact that they don't have something they are passionate about. If it were that people weren't successful because of the fact they haven't got a passion for something, then 90% of the world would be unemployed. I think it's more valuable to have multiple interests than to have one single passion so you can keep your options open and have several different talents. People who focus on more than one thing are probably more valuable in the long run. I don't know, that is just my opinion. Maybe I am biased because I don't have a particular passion? I don't know.

Anyway, enough from me.

I want to know your opinion. In the comments below, tell me what you think about the whole "passions vs interests" thing.  If you have a passion I want to know why you have one and how it came about. If you don't have one, then I want to know the things you are interested in, why you're interested in them, etc. Basically, what draws you to the thinks you love?

If you enjoyed this post then do please click "Join This Site". I'd love to know whether you liked this style of post compared to my usual rant-y things.

As always, thank you for reading!

Talk to you soon, lovelies. 

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What's in a name?

Hello there, buddies!

I had originally planned this post for a lot later in the lifespan of my little blog, but due to the recent media shitstorm (to be frank), I think this is the right time to talk about it. 

If you do not know what I am talking about, this will be referring to Katie Hopkins little scrap with the lovely Holly Willoughby on ITV's This Morning. This was all based on the fact that Katie judges a child based on their name, and if she doesn't like the name, or thinks that it belongs to the child of a "working class" family then she forbids her children from playing and interacting with the child.

Katie branded names such as Tyler, Charmaine and Chardonnay as "working class" and that she associated them with not doing homework, always being late, and being badly behaved. She then goes on to say that she dislikes a large variety of names such as geographical names, names related to seasons, and footballer's names. This I find slightly ironic as one of her children is named India.....is this not a geographical location? After being confronted by Phillip Schofield about this, she claimed that India was not a location. Hear that, map makers? You need to take India off the map as it is no longer claimed as a location!! Another one of her children is named Poppy, which could be related to a season, no?

Does she not think that forbidding her children from playing with others is restricting them? I think it might come back to bite her on the ass one day when her children lack specific social skills and become snobs like their mother. Then again this may be something that she wants. Her children are not going to get the opportunity to interact with people of their own age, but of different backgrounds, which may affect them later in life when they enter the working world.

I strongly dislike judgmental people (you shall see this soon when I write another rant surrounding this) and for someone to judge a child of all people really ruffles my feathers. Has she never heard of never judging a book by its cover? I am a strong believer of this, and I cannot stand it when I hear so many people, including my mother, judging a person by small things such as their appearance. There is no way that she can know the background of these children. Besides, they didn't choose their names did they? The fact that she won't even give this child, chosen by her own children, a chance really pisses me off. 

She also then said she dislikes names of children meaning 'beautiful' to which Holly informed her that her own daughter is called "Belle". Katie then essentially backtracked her statement by saying that any child of Holly's would be beautiful. She completely went against what she just said....this also shows she judges people by how they look. Is she an idiot? She isn't exactly model-looking is she? She even admits this herself in the interview! 

Katie claims that children with intelligent names are likely to be more intelligent and have better future prospects. Since when does a name make a child more intelligent? I am sorry, I didn't realise that a name injected wisdom in to a person's brain. In a previous interview, Katie has said that she thinks people with the name Tyronne are more likely to become criminals. Well, frankly I find this quite racist. I know a lovely guy named Tyronne who is NOT a criminal, nor will he ever be. Furthermore, Katie says that she looks for children with good prospects for the future. After a bit of research, I have discovered that her children are quite young. Now I don't know about you, but I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life until about two years ago (I am approaching 20 years old now), so how can a say 10 year old have good future prospects?! This I just find absurd. 

I take my hat off to Anna-May Mangan who was opposing Katie in the debate. She really stood her ground, and I have to say I agree with her. She labelled Katie as an "insufferable snob" and claimed that her argument was "snort worthy". Anna-May then went on to say that judging a child by their name is old fashioned and unkind. This lead Katie to retaliate with something that clearly offended Holly as the women began to have a debate among themselves leading Phillip to have to tell them all to be quiet. 

I literally cannot comprehend why Katie would hold her children back so much! A child should be free to both make their own mistakes in life and also to befriend who they so wish. If you don't make mistakes, how can you be expected to learn, and to become a better person? I shall have you know, I befriended someone with what Katie would call an "acceptable name" who turned out to be everything she has named as someone who would have a lower class name. So what do you say to that, Katie? A name does not define a person whatsoever, and anyone can be a hateful, snobby and spiteful bitch. 

I do not think Katie is in any place to judge someone based on their class after having been on several reality TV shows....and being caught having sex in a field with a married man, do you? She is clearly a classy lady, Mrs Snobby-Pants. 

Branching off from this slightly to something which has royally pissed me off. Katie has claimed that people with tattoos will never be high achievers. I am a proudly tattooed person, and I am currently studying at university doing Bsc (Hons) Criminology and Criminal Justice Studies. Now then, Katie, would you say that I am not achieving high? My tattoos have never held me back from anything at all, and have in fact had the opposing effect with employers actually welcoming this as it shows diversity and individuality. I think you might find that many people in a much higher status than Katie are tattooed also. I have often wondered to myself if Katie has seen the image of a tattooed doctor? (Below). 

Looking at the first picture you would have no idea that this guy had tattoos, yet I guarantee if anyone saw him looking like he does in the second picture that they would brand him as a "thug". This man is a high status surgeon I believe. Katie, would you class him as an underachiever? I wouldn't - this guy saves lives on a daily basis. I would say that is an amazing achievement, would you not?


I am going to end this here for now, it may be continued at a later date. 

I have to say, before these things I actually had a small amount of respect for Katie as I admire the fact that she is proud to speak her mind. However, this respect has completely diminished as I have realised how judgmental and narrow-minded she is.

Toodle-oo, peeps!

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Weekly Whiteboard Weirdness episode one!

Hiiii-aaaa!

As promised every week Vikki and I would be doing a segment called Weekly Whiteboard Weirdness, so here it is! It took us a grand total of 2 and a half hours to sort it all out, but it is finally done! Hope you enjoy, and excuse our drawing because it is really shit :)

Ok the idea is that we have 10 questions, we draw the answers to the questions and send them to each other, laugh hysterically for a couple of minutes then move on. When we are back at uni we will make these into videos for you - don't laugh. 

1. Draw the first thing you think of when someone mentions Disney.

2. Draw your favourite Disney character

3. Draw your favourite Disney film

4. Draw the best villain moment

5. Draw the most emotional Disney moment

6. Draw your favourite Monsters Inc character

7. Draw your favourite song

8. Which Disney prince would you most like to marry?

9. Which Disney animal would you most like as a pet?

10. Which Disney character would you most like to be?

After years of editing, I hope you enjoyed this new segment! We certainly enjoyed making it! Thanks to Connor (@C_Welshy) for helping with the questions!

Don't forget to subscribe to my blog, and do the following on Twitter!

See you again next week for this segment, and speak to you tomorrow!

Byeeeee <3