Friday, July 06, 2018

Welcome To The Real World

Ever feel like you have suddenly walked into a brick wall, bashed your head so hard that you have been dazed and taken a minute or so to gain your composure, and often your mind, back again? Well, this is me right now. But instead of a brick wall, I am running fast and strong into that massive wall that is life. 

I have recently been watching Jane the Virgin (I recommend it, it is great!). Jane is prone to romanticising things; thinking the world is perfect; looking at things through rose-tinted glasses, putting her all into everything and everyone. I was wondering why I was getting into this show so quickly considering I am not a big TV person.

Then it hit me (common theme here). That is me. I romanticise things.

I spent so long focussing on the positives, or in some circumstances, trying to find or forcing positives than I did acknowledging the negatives, or flaws. 

This stands for everything from my lifestyle, my previous relationship, my work life. Everything. 

I think my current "situation" - this makes it sound so ominous but I have no other way or referring to it - has made me realise that I need to take those rose-tinted glasses off, throw them away and put on my big girl specs. 

I long for that life where everything is perfect. I long to love and be loved. I want the life you see in a film. 

Well, let's face it. That is never going to happen. Sure, I will get parts of that. Or at least I hope I will. But there will be speed bumps, hurdles and brick walls. This is one of them. 

I have spent months feeling angry, bruised and lost. I too am one of those people who puts their all into everything. I put my all into the last 2 years; into my relationship, my house and my life. 

It didn't work out. 

So what?

Why should I feel misplaced, tossed aside and angry when I should feel empowered, strong and determined?

Those rose-tinted glasses are well and truly in the bin. My big girl specs are super glued to my head and will stay there. 

Time to move forward. 

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