Thursday, October 10, 2013

Life advice part two

A few months ago I shared with you a few snippets of things that I thought were good advice for any struggling teenager at the moment. Since then, a lot has happened, and I have had to endure a really bad few days. I was feeling extremely shit about myself, blaming myself for something that has happened although it wasn't my fault, and I haven't eaten properly in a few days. It hasn't properly hit me until now, and I'm genuinely having a bit of a breakdown here! 

I then decided to do something I have never done before, and that was to reach out to my mother. For anyone who knows me, you will know that this is a big deal for me as I never reach out to anyone, especially my mother. This forms part one of my life advice for you. I have not been one to reach out to anyone, ever. I do not take advice, and I do not listen to people even when I know they are right. After this incident, which I will not mention simply due to the fact that I am still angry over it, I think I am starting to learn my lesson. I actually have opened up to people and admitted that I should have listened. So this is piece one of advice for you. Do not be afraid to open up to people. If, like me, you have a problem opening up for whatever reason, then work on it. It has taken me 20 years, but I think I am finally starting to make a change to how I am. Especially with my mum. I very much doubt whether my mum would agree with the fact I think I have changed, but I do see it in myself in little things. But that is just matter of opinion.

My mum sent me a link to a YouTube video (which you can view here) which issued some extremely good advice. The video itself was taken from an article written in 1997 by Mary Schmich (you can view it here). I think this really offered something that reached out to me - which is again saying something because I am absolutely shit at admitting that I need help. So I am going to base my advice on this article as I don't think I could have given anything better. If this helps me, then I am damn sure it will help you. 

Disclaimer: anything written in italics after this notice is of quote of the author (Mary Schmich) and not of the author of this article. Thus, anything other than this is of opinion of the author. 

The first part of her article says this: 

"“Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. In 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t quite grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine”

"Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly."

This I think applies to a lot of teenage girls, and girls around my age. I think that a lot of girls these days have the mentality that they need to look perfect and airbrushed. I have come to accept the fact that absolutely no one is perfect. I mean NO ONE. You may think all these models are perfect or whatever, but you look behind the Photoshop and the airbrushing and the makeup, and they are just normal people like you and I. My advice to you based on this is not to get caught up in all the media attention on this ideology of "perfection" because that only exists in a fantasy world. Go enjoy a million Nandos, go snack on a fucking doughnut. Who cares?! I would much rather be happy enjoying a meal than eating fucking rabbit food. Would you not? Life is far too short to try and iron out every single imperfection. 

“Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum”

For any of you who has the ultimate joy of knowing me, you will know that this is a very weird piece of advice for me to be giving you. To be honest, this is a hypocritical thing for me to even be saying, but hey ho (in case you're wondering, I am the biggest worrier about the rest of my life). That statement is so accurately true that it is kind of scary. Worrying about things that you don't even know will, or will not, happen is probably the most pointless thing you can do in life. There is no point in worrying about something that is above and beyond your control. I should probably start listening to my own advice, shouldn't I?

"Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours."

This is probably the most valuable piece of advice I took from this entire thing. Having recently had my heart completely fucked about with, it really hit me. I wish I had been given this advice sooner. It would have saved me a lot of pain and heartbreak, I tell you that. Now, ladies, listen to this advice. No matter how much you may think someone means to you, or you to them, as soon as they fuck up once, get out. I do not mean this in a harsh way at all, but once something is broken it cannot be fixed. You may think you can stitch everything back together, but after a while cracks begin to show. If someone is fucking you about then they don't care about you as much as they say. Remember: you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

"Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone."

Just so everything isn't so fucking heavy. Drink milk. Lots of it.

"Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future."

If you take away anything from this amazingly long ramble, then take away this. Your parents are not going to be there forever. Seriously make the most of them whilst they're there. I have friends who no longer have both parents, and it really makes you think. I know when you're a teenager you say you "hate" your parents and that you wish your friends parents were yours, bla bla bla. I am just coming out of that phase now and I am starting to see what a fucking idiot I used to be. I never treated my parents the way they deserved to be, especially my mum, and that is something I will regret until the day I die. However, I can now begin to make amends. If you are a reading this thinking it is all a load of shit, then I bet that you're a teenager. Take it from me, I was the world's worst teenager, and I am telling you. You definitely appreciate them more when you move out and have to be independent. So listen.

"Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young."

This is something I wholeheartedly stand by, and I will for a very long time. Out of everyone who I have been friends with throughout secondary school, I have had one friend who has been there for almost 20 years now (hi, Laura, if you read this) and I probably owe a lot to her. But then you have the friends who you might not have known for many years, such as my university friends, who you feel like you've known a lifetime. Then you also have the school friends who stick by you no matter what, too. I am lucky enough to have a few extremely close friends, you know who you are, which has been proved to me recently. But just always make the effort with people. 

"Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it."

This is the advice I am going to leave you with - advice on advice. Not many people these days are willing to give out advice, so seriously listen when people take the time to do so. At the time it may seem like they're just being a pain in the ass, or they have taken a particular dislike to someone, but 99% of the time they're going to be right. They only have your best interests at heart, you know.

As always, thank you for reading and I will speak to you next time!


Also want to do a quick special mention to the people who have put up with my tears and tantrums over the last few days: Vikki, Josh, James, Daisy and Milky who have been the main people the last few days and have even managed to cheer me up. Also to my mum who has put up with me for 20 years and not killed me yet. So much love for them. So this post is dedicated to you guys. 

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