A million and one questions started shooting through my head: am I going to go grey now? What am I doing with my life? What have I done in my life so far? What is the meaning of life? Where will I be in 5 years? How will I get the money for everything I want to do? Will I ever find someone who will ever marry me?
Don't laugh at me. I am genuinely having a panic about everything, literally everything. I genuinely spent an entire day panicking about the fact all I have done in the last 20 years is be in education. So naturally I thought that it would be a fantastic idea to share my panic with you guys to make me feel better about life, and that maybe I am not alone in this little quarter life crisis. I am not sure why this has been placed under an "inappropriate rant" title, but I think that it is fitting. Maybe. It probably isn't. I hope you're still reading.
As you have probably guessed, I am panicking about the fact I am not 20. I had to change my Twitter bio to say "20" and writing that "2" genuinely almost made me have a panic attack. It probably didn't help that my Grandma was telling me that she got married when she was 18...I am like holy shit, and I am just sat here drinking 10 bottles of wine a week in a desperate bid to forget everything else (it works). I mean I have been alive for 20 years...twenty years and what have I done? Sail through the first few stages of education, then spend most of the rest of the last year drunk beyond belief or studying for exams. So thrilling. Although I am trying to think positive and think that my degree will benefit me in the next few years, and might hopefully help me get a better job. If there are jobs anywhere.
This leads me nicely on to the fact that I have absolutely no idea what I am doing with my life. I have been studying criminology for over a year now, and I do enjoy it, but I am starting to think that I really don't know if I want to work in the criminal justice system anymore. I don't even know why I decided on criminology to be honest. If I am blunt with you guys, I really wanted to do law but I didn't think I would get the grades to do it. Turns out I got way better grades than what I thought so I could have done it...oops. Then I started this blog...fucked up everything, that did! I forgot how much I absolutely love writing. I did English Literature as an A Level and hated it (partly due to one shitty teacher) which really put me off writing/reading for a while - despite my mother telling me that I should have done English Language instead (she was right). Gah. I have been looking at postgraduate degrees...the only problem is that you only get a loan for your tuition, and I can't afford to stay down here. I literally have no idea what to do.
I also know that I want to do some travelling, or that sort of thing. Recently I have been looking at work placements in Walt Disney World and Universal Studios in Florida. I was considering taking a gap year before university to do something like that, but then thought that I probably wouldn't go to university in the first place if I did that. So I have been looking at it online recently for something to do for a year when I graduate. There are loads of different things that you can do in Walt Disney World and Universal studios, and I would love to work on the rides and whatnot. But I don't know whether I would even qualify. Have any of you guys worked there before? If you have then do tell me below what it's like.
I am dying to go abroad for a few years when I graduate either way. I have family and friends over in Australia and would love to travel over there. I'd love to move there one day, too, so would be awesome to try and find a nice place to settle. I know that there are a group of Australian's who read my posts, so where do you guys think a good place for me to settle, get a good job, and find a nice man would be?! Heeeeeelp. Also, where are the best places to travel to? Comment your answers below - would love some help.
I have come to the conclusion that I am going to die alone. To make matters worse, I am allergic to cats so I can't become a crazy cat lady. Sad news. So I am going to become the crazy pug lady. I really want a pug. Like really badly. They're so cute!
The worst thing about becoming 20 means I feel like I now have to justify so many things. For your pure entertainment, I give you a list of the things I feel I need to justify:
Buying Bob The Builder pasta shapes
Going to Walt Disney World
Still watching the Disney Channel and Nick Jr
Loving Phineas and Ferb beyond belief
Buying stuffed toys
Enjoying going in play parks
Thinking that some kids rides are better than bigger rides
Going to Toys R Us
Still loving the films you did as a kid
So I still do all those things...but I do buy more things like Dora The Explorer pasta shapes. Don't judge me.
I'm also panicking about the fact I am going to go grey soon...
The best bit in all this? I already have arthritis....I shit you not. I have it in my ankle.
I am going to stop ranting...this is a bit long isn't it?
Please comment if you are feeling like this, I don't want to be alone!
As always, thank you for reading, and I will see you next time!