Hello there, buddies.
Well I have not gone off on a major rant in a very long time so I thought why not best to do one whilst there is thunder and lightning all about!
As it is fast approaching August and most of the schools have broken up for summer, a lot of people are probably going to be venturing on holiday - vacation to my lovely American readers - so I thought to myself "why not do a post about airports?"
Don't get me wrong, I ABSOLUTELY love flying and going on holiday and everything, but there are just some people in the airport and around that area that really ruffle my feathers. If you have recently been on holiday then you will probably know exactly what I am talking about.
This post if going to take the format of a "The one who..." sort of list style thingy otherwise I might bore you with my overly long rants as usual.
If you experience any of the things that I mention then do tell me all about it in the comments section below, or tweet me @LovelyChubly #AirportAnnoyance and I will be sure to reply to you!
The one who always forgets they have metal on them
You know there is always that one person who forgets that they have money in their pockets, or a belt on or something? Then they go through the metal detector thingy like they haven't got a care in the world. You watch them look so confused when they set it off then the security is all like "have you got anything in your pockets" and they reach in and pull out like a whole bank full of coins? How can you not remember you have that in there?! It tells you SO MANY TIMES as you are walking up to check your pockets etc....are you just stupid or do you think that they will be like "oh it is ok, go through" NO. Then they hold everyone up as they have to put their money through the scanner thing, then walk through again. What makes it even worse is I have seen someone do this, then realise they have a belt on.... I am sat there like "akjkajsdksjfs IDIOT" waiting to go through as it is 4am and I want a coffee. Please remember that you are likely to have something in your pockets. Just check, for heaven's sake.
The one who's luggage is over the allowance
I have had the pleasure (biggest dose of sarcasm in the world) of being stuck behind a guy like this. When you fly long haul, for all you non-flyers out there, you get around 20-25kg of luggage allowance to go on the plane, and 5kg of hand luggage. In this particular circumstance, the man was part of a family who were on their way to Disney World in Florida (like myself at the time). Now, I am not sure what he had in his luggage...I am a girl who likes to wear clothes (shocker) but I am not sure how many pairs of shorts, t-shirts and flip flops you need for your two week holiday, buddy, but how they managed to come to 30kg is beyond me. The best part is that his wife was just facepalming the entire time like "OMG, what is he doing?". He then continued to tell the check-in assistant that the scales were broken as his suitcase only weighed 20kg....Give up, pal.
The one who is late
There is always one. Every time. The one person who holds up the plane because they are too busy buying overpriced stuff in the departure lounge. They must hear the final announcement for the plane "this is the final call for flight TCM38472 to Sanford, all passengers please make their way to the gate. This is the final boarding call" (I should definitely work in the airport) and just be like "the plane won't go without us...lets carry on shopping". Well, buddy, I am afraid this is not true. I watched as your suitcases got hauled off the plane when you were 15 minutes late. Karma.
The one who forgets their passport
I shit you not, I have seen this happen so many times. On the way to Canada with some friends there was a guy in front who all of a sudden stopped dead at the check in desk and was patting himself down. Never have I seen someone in so much distress! Then he got all panicked and was like "OMG. I have forgotten my passport". I don't know about you, but if I am going on holiday or anywhere that requires ID to prove my nationality I usually check that I have my passport as I leave the house. Then when I get in the car. Then when I leave my street. I mean, I am not even going anywhere yet I just checked to see if it was still in the same place. So how on earth can he have forgotten it? Get yourself organised!
The ones on a group holiday
Now this may be a slightly biased thing considering I have never done that "woo lets go get drunk in Malia" sort of holiday because I have always been working or cannot afford it. So it really bugs me when you go to airports and you see these drunken teenagers at like 5am in the departure lounge drinking pints of beer wearing their matching nickname tops. Now it is all well and good if they aren't screaming the place down with their drunken chants, but as soon as they do it I am like "get off the planet". I am a terrible human being.
The one who doesn't know where they are going
There is always one person who is constantly referring to their tickets or boarding pass who then stops dead in their steps when they are walking, causing you to bump in to them. Sound familiar? If not then you are probably this person. The worst thing is, they don't usually apologise or anything, it is usually the opposite and they get all shitty at you for not watching where you are going. I am like "I was watching where I am going, but I did not expect to walk in to a human fucking statue any time soon!". Please tell me this happens to any of you, otherwise I am just clearly the worst person ever.
The one who picks up your suitcase on the luggage claim belt
Admittedly this is by pure accident half the time, and I do get that. But what I really hate is when people push past you, grab the nearest bag they can and examine it within an inch of its life. Surely you don't have to pick it up to look at it? God knows. I am lucky that I have bright lilac suitcase that no one ever wants to pick up so I am usually safe from this!
The one whose hand luggage is too big
Even after going through bloody check it and customs and whatnot, they get on the plane and their hand luggage doesn't fit. Are you seriously telling me that you went through ALL of that and didn't stop to think that your suitcase worth of hand luggage might not fit in that small space used for overhead luggage? Duh.... Then they get on the plane and they hold everyone else up just because they are trying to shove their bag in to the space at any angle they can. Just give up and bring a smaller bag next time? I mean what have you got in there?
The one who sits in the wrong seat
There is always one person on the plane who gets the wrong seat. But this person will then not move or get out their ticket to check that they are sat in the right or wrong place. The worst bit is when you have your ticket in your hand with your seat on it, but they refuse to move still. Gah do people never think that if they can see that you have your seat number that they are in the complete wrong place? We all want to get to the same place, so can we please just get up and move so we can get going?
The one who stands in the middle of the moving walkway
You know what thing I am on about right? The one that leads you do and from the departure gates that just make you move faster? And they are waaaay more fun! There are general rules that apply to these moving walkways. For instance the fact that you stand on the right (like London tubes). Now, you get those really freaking irritating people who think they are God and just stand smack bang in the middle of the walkway. Now I know you are like "well why don't you walk?" well guys, those moving walkway things are part of my holiday. So eff off with your standing in the middle and let me through!
The ones who cannot control their children
These types of people are so beyond common in airports. They mainly get all crazy when you get on the plane rather than when you are in the actual airport. I go on more of a rant about that on my "I hate public transport" post which you can see here. But then when you are doing the average browsing of the duty free, or just sat down having food or a drink, you really do not want to have kids running a fucking riot around you? I have had one knock over my drink and the parents just stood there and laughed....what the fuck, dude?! Control your kids!
The one who rushes off the plane
There is one every single time who has to be the first person off the plane. If they aren't it is as if all hell has been let loose and it is the end of the world. What is the rush, dude?! You aren't going to get anywhere any faster than the rest of us. Remember that thing you checked in before you got on the plane? Yeah that thing called a suitcase? Well they all come off at once, and chances are yours is right at the end. So stop your fucking panicking and pushing and just chill! You're on holiday!
The one who never has all their documents ready
I guarantee you that this is the same person who rushed off the plane. This I have seen happen more in American where you wait for a long time in order to get to customs, but there are always people who never have all their documentation ready. This really ruffles my feathers too because it holds everyone up. For any of you lovely people who have not been to America since 9/11 then you won't know how security works over there. But you need your documents out ready and there are always people who don't. Seriously, there is all that time to get your shit together. What do you do? Stand there and daydream?
The one who complains all the time
There is always that one person, or group of people, who just constantly complain about everything. Like from the fact there is a tiny queue at check in, to the movies they show in-flight. I mean, seriously, how sad do you have to be to complain like that to that extent? I have heard someone complain about the fact that the flight was 10 hours long instead of 9 hours 40. I get that you want to get off the plane, but we are all feeling the same! There is no need to voice your opinion to the entire plane....
Well then, peeps, I am going to leave it there because I think this might go a teeny bit crazy!
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