To The Girl I Used To Be

Why, haven't you changed. 

Are you shorter? No, of course not. You are skinnier. I am jealous. I would like to lose some weight right now. But it will happen when I want it to and that's OK.

So, things aren't too great right now. But, you are a lot stronger now than what you were. You have been through a lot and that probably won't change. You are thankful for the lessons you learned and the mistakes you made. 

You will most definitely not stop being ambitious. You did always want to do the next thing. Well, that hasn't stopped. I think it has actually gotten worse. You still want to walk before you can crawl. It's a good trait. It will get you places. 

Your self confidence has been knocked a bit. Based on previous experience of you now, that will come back. You are a tough cookie. 

You can't always be perfect. You are far from perfect. But you will learn to love the things you hate now. 

Let it out. Don't keep things in. Remember how you are right now? Not talking about things, acting strong, pretending you don't need help? Ask for help. It is going to take something big, like things have now, but you don't have to do everything alone. It's alright to say you are struggling. You will always struggle with something; whether that be your mental health, your confidence, your lifestyle balance. Just say.

Don't worry so much about what other people think of you. You can't make everyone love you, not matter how hard you try. You won't get on with everyone and that is OK. You will fall out with people, they will fall out with you. There are always going to be reasons for that. Accept them. Move on.

It's OK to be different. In any way. You go ahead and wear those Mickey Mouse shoes. Don't let anyone, especially a man, tell you that you can't.

Keep pushing and don't give up. I can tell you that giving up will get you nowhere. Whether that is in your work, school, university, friendships or relationships. You keep pushing for what you want. It will be worth it. 

You are not fat. Sure, you are a little chubby and probably overweight., but don't examine yourself in a mirror every five minutes. Don't cry silently in the changing room when a "normal" size doesn't fit you. It is just a number. 

You will make yourself proud. You will make your family proud. 

Forgive, but don't forget. Don't hold on to that grudge, it isn't worth it. Be Elsa and let it go. But don't forget that someone hurt you. You will value that later on. 

Finally, for the love of god, have fun! You will never be this young again, you will never have this much financial freedom, lack of responsibility or opportunity. Embrace it. Have a laugh. Do stupid things, you have time later on to be serious about everything. Enjoy your life whilst you have it because life is short. You have no idea when it might be taken away. 

A letter to my future self

Dear me, myself, and I

There is no better time to write something that you will look back on in the future than when your head is full of thoughts of the year just gone. A new year is not a time for a new you, but a time for you to improve upon what you have become. 

So in the following points of advice, older and most likely wiser Chubs, I wonder whether you still live by these minor, yet vitally important snippets of things I have learned thus far in life.

I wonder what you're up to. 

Did you ever figure out what you wanted to do with your life, or are you still hopelessly blogging with a not-so-secret wish of being spotted? Most likely.

How long did it take you to move out? I bet it was absolutely nothing like you thought it would be.

Did you ever get that pug? I bloody hope so.

So, future me. These are a few things I hope you listened to and swear by. If not...see you in hell.

First of all, and one of the most important things I really hope you realised: you are not perfect, you never will be. And that is fine. Accept yourself for who you are, and if you're not happy try to change it. Your imperfections may just be perfections to someone else. Who knows?

Don't be afraid to admit when you might need help. Later on down the line, you will regret not asking for it sooner. Apply this to everything in your life and you will go much further than struggling on your own.

Crying doesn't make you weak. End of.

You are your own worst enemy. No one will ever see you in such as negative light as your reflection does to you. At least try to be  positive about yourself. Confidence is key.

You can change your weight, all it takes is a little motivation. But at the same time, some numbers on a scale don't define you.

Always take the stairs. See point above.

Embrace your own happiness. Do one thing every day that makes you happy, and that'll make you feel better.

A smile costs nothing. Smile at a stranger, smile at your boss, heck, smile at your dog.

Not everyone you meet is going to like you, and not everyone who likes you will you want to meet. This is a given, and you can't change it no matter how much you want to.

Keep that dream alive. Don't shun something because of money.

Talking of money, it isn't the be all and end all. But save it, spend it, do something spontaneous with it. Just like your weight, how much money you have doesn't define you.

Don't listen to anyone but yourself. If something feels right then go for it, deal with the consequences later.

Follow your heart, but don't ignore your head. Apply to everything, no excuses.

Don't be afraid to go outside your comfort zone. Those boundaries are set to be broken.

Being a nerd is most definitely not a bad thing. Embrace your intelligence and you will go far.

But at the same time, just because you aren't as good at one thing, it doesn't mean you're a failure. Learn from your mistakes, and try again.

Don't give up. On anything. Ever.

Keep your head high when you feel like sinking. 

Do something that you want to do, not something someone else wants you to do. And if someone says you can't do it, do it even better.

Learn to say "no".

But also learn to say "yes".

Don't be afraid of your own emotions. It's OK to feel like crap sometimes, and it's OK to not want to get out of bed.

Let your guard down, even if it is just for a few hours. 

Think before you do, and think before you speak.

And finally, always get enough sleep. You'll thank me for that later.


So, future me, what do you think? I think it's a pretty solid thing to live by, and by the sounds of it it's served you well.

Live is for living, so grab it by the horns!

Here's until next time.

Enjoy the cake, Chubs!

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Note to self | #1

Recently I have been feeling quite down about the way I look. I don't know why, and I don't know why it even started. I think it has been one of those things that has been building up for the last few years. 

I have decided to talk about it on my blog to see if I am the only one, or whether some of you guys reading this might be feeling the same way. I've turned it into a little series where I can just vent about what I am feeling, not sugar coated, just cold, hard truth.

The other day I found a picture of me about 6 years ago. I was slim, toned, and about a size 8. I am now the opposite of those things. I have a bulky stomach, several chins, and my thighs are huge. I joke that I am growing into my winter coat, when really all I want to do is tear away at my skin chunk by chunk and throw it away.

As much as I know this is all down to myself, I also contribute this to several bad break-ups, a lot of drinking, and really bad and unhealthy lifestyle choices. I know that weight is just a number, and I feel like such a hypocrite for posting this because of how I try to make other people feel positive about these sorts of things. But there is only so long you can really bottle things up for.

It has gotten to the stage where I can't even look in the mirror at myself above my shoulders (thank god for my strategically placed mirror), and I end up swamping my body in several layers of clothing. 

I don't feel good about myself. I think I look disgusting, there is nothing nice about the way I look that is natural. 

I take massive pride in my make-up and perfecting my hair. But this has become almost a mask for me to hide behind.

I can honestly say I haven't been happy with the way I look for about 5 years now. 

I have tried about 4 times to kick-start a diet, a new workout routine, or even to starve myself completely (yes, I am well aware this was an absolutely stupid idea).

I feel like I am in a dark place, and I am getting better at hiding it. My smile and jokes have just been a cover-up when all I have wanted to do is cry for hours every single day; I just can't seem to help it.

Since I stopped suppressing the way I felt about my body and sat down and carefully thought about it (even if that did result in tears), I have somehow put myself in a more positive mindset.

I have made a few smaller changes in my life, which are gradually leading to bigger ones. I stopped drinking; I reduced the amount of fast food I was eating; I reduced almost all sugar from my drinks; and I removed some of the small things that were making my feel bad about myself. Even if that included people. 

Tiny steps lead to bigger strides.

I am hoping in the next few months that I can kick myself up the ass and get back to working out, whether this be on my own, or with one of my friends. 

It has taken me a few years to get in the mental state where I feel ready to conquer the way I feel about myself, and get back to the happier, self-confident person I was back then.

I know it will take time, and luckily time is something I hope I have a lot of.

I am still not entirely sure whether I will post this or not. I usually try to refrain from making my posts too personal, and writing my honest feelings down was really hard. No doubt I will get some negative comments, but hey ho.

I hope that I'm not the only one who feels like this. Maybe I could have an online work-out buddy to help with everything. Who knows?


Keep swimming.

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Tiny Talk - episode five: Stress

Stress is one of those things than can come and go, be part of your daily routine, or just something that rarely happens. 

Unfortunately for me it is one of those daily routine things. 

I don't know why, and I don't know if I can even pin-point it to one individual thing - maybe it's part of university. That would probably make sense considering there has yet to be one day since September when I haven't woken up feeling stressed about something. 

If you are anything like me you will probably find it really difficult to deal with stress. I find myself getting really worked up, unbelievably intolerant of everything, and just generally becoming a horrible person to be around. 

I'm not even sure if anyone ever gets the same?

There are just those days where I wake up and instantly find that a tiny little thing can ruin my mood instantly. Maybe it's just because I'm female...are there any guys out there who get like that? 

I find that my pet peeves become the main focus when I get like this. I cannot stand the noise of someone eating with their mouth open or breathing heavily. I get instantly riled and have to move out the room if someone near me is doing either of those things. 

When I am stressed this gets a million times worse.

There are hundreds of different reasons why you might be stressed. Family problems, relationships, school or university, or even things to do with yourself might make you agitated.

When I get really stressed (as in I-have-an-essay-due-in-tomorrow-and-I-haven't-written-any-of-it kind of stress) I take refuge on my blog. Although that is usually counter-productive and I end up writing a 1000 word blog post instead of a thousand words on my essay, I end up feeling a million times less pressured than I did beforehand. 

I have also recently found that I take comfort in drinking numerous amounts of coffee when I am stressed. Considering I drink a large amount of coffee everyday anyway, this is probably not healthy. But when I am trying to be productive I think the idea of "healthy" becomes a fairytale.

I've also tried going out for walks. However, it's winter and I tend to do work at night so it gets a tad cold and dark. So instead I take a breather, light some candles, and sit looking out a window. I end up feeling a lot better than before, and usually (this being the operative word) I can manage to get something done after.

If your stress is based more around an issue, such as family or relationship problems, then you might want to take a different approach than my "avoid everything for as long as possible" idea. Try talking it through with the person, or people, involved. Even though I feel like such a hypocrite here because I find this really, really difficult, it works. 

Or if you're not feeling brave enough to come face-to-face with the person causing the stress, write a list. A list of anything. Pros and cons of the situation, why you feel like you do, things that make you happy, literally anything. Getting some emotion out on paper might make you considerably happier and feel like a weight has been taken off your shoulders. 

I mean, I should be doing work right this second but I took my avoidance approach and it worked! Onwards with my dissertation. 

What sort of things do you do when you feel stressed?  


Keep swimming!

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A message to you

Life can often get tough and throw so many things in your path

But when you get to a certain point you can stop and examine the aftermath

What you once saw as something bad can change in an instant to something better

And that is exactly what I want to tell you in this letter

No one lives forever, that is one thing we can be sure on

Your life will go by in a flicker and doesn't last particularly long

So say yes to opportunities as much as you can before it’s too late

Just try not to get yourself in such a state

That might end you in in some dodgy place or somewhere you don’t know

I've learned it’s always better to have a friend with you to go

To places and cities that never sleep

And create memories that you will never delete

To dance the night away and let things get mad

Personally, I don’t think that sounds too bad

Fall hopelessly in love and be completely reckless

Be happy and smile, and remember not to get jealous

Of people or things because it’s really not worth it

Just enjoy your life and revel in every single bit

Deal with your thoughts and things that cause you trouble

Be sure to allow some time for if you get in a muddle

Don’t let anyone or anything stand in your way

Of something that you want to do, it’s your life at the end of the day

Friends will come and go as much as they please

But it will be your family who will never leave

Be stupid and make ridiculous decisions

Be open not only to praises but also to criticisms

Do things for you and not for anyone else

They don’t have to live your life, only yourself

Don’t take shit from anyone and be true to you

And don’t be afraid to try anything new

Do things that scare you and don’t be afraid to cry

Don’t be afraid to say hello, but always be prepared for goodbye

Stand alone and stand together

And find the one who will be there forever

The one who stays with you no matter what may happen

That’s what life is all about, or so I imagine.

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Where do I go from here?

As many of you possibly know, mainly from previous posts, I am having one of those existential crisis moments. I have no idea what career to embark upon when I leave university...which is in a years time *yelp*.

When I graduate in 2015 I will have studied criminology and criminal justice studies for 3 years, which is an extremely long time to stick at something that puts you about £60k in debt and that you have learned to absolutely hate. 

When I first started university I thought it would be a great subject to study, but it fell a close second to my preferred subject of law - something I adored from A Level's but did not think I would get the grades to study. In true form I got considerably more than the required grades to study law but had applied to study criminology so I settled with that.

Over the last two years I have grown very sick of it, and frankly do not wish to have a career in the criminal justice system or any related field. This has now posed a little bit of a problem for me, as I am back to square one; something I thought I had escaped 3 years ago! 

I put logic to this situation and wrote a list of what I enjoy and what I am passionate about. It went a little something like this:

1. Writing

2. My blog

3. Social media

4. The internet

5. Travel

The obvious thing that jumped out to me from all this was that the first and second things on my list essentially combined into one main aspect surrounding writing. 

So where could I go from here?

I thought a career at Google would have been fantastic, then upon further research discovered that there basically isn't an opportunity there for someone graduating with a criminology degree.

I considered other aspects such as Maker Studios - something I have seen from the Shaytards vlogs (take a look if you haven't heard of them, Shay Carl and his family are AMAZING). Yet again I came to a dead end because they recruit talent based on YouTube content - shockingly something I also lack.

Maybe I could go towards a Twitter or Tumblr career? I do not know. The possibilities are endless, I just need help in finding something I completely enjoy doing.

My ideal career would involve travelling and documenting it on my blog, but doing so for a big social media company. Obviously this is such a far-fetched idea that even I am aware it is pretty impossible. But it's worth a shot right?

What would your dream career be if anything were possible? 

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What makes you happy?

I was having a little think earlier about what sort of things make me happy - procrastination of getting out of bed after my exams has sort of led to this. It seems to be a philosophy or feeling that I can't always seem to completely grasp in all its glory.

At first I was questioning what really defines the word "happy". Maybe it is that fuzzy feeling in your stomach when you see someone you like, maybe it's the endless laughter over a few drinks with friends, or maybe it's the feeling of delving so far into a book that you find it impossible to get out.

No matter what makes you happy, there is no denying that feeling content with life has no comparable feeling. Being able to sit back at the end of the day and just let out a sigh realising things might just be falling into place is no better end to a day.

Obviously this isn't always the case. Something you might be finding hard to deal with may be playing on your mind, there may be a lot of exam stress, or maybe someone in your life is just really getting you down.

It is at times like these where picking up a pen and a piece of paper and making a list of all the things that make you happy can work an absolute treat. Then embrace those things; bring more of them into your life, or even go and find something completely new that makes you happy.

I recently did this as part of an exercise I was recommended a few years ago. I discovered that I had three top things that make me really happy.

1. My friends

2. Writing

3. Seeing my family happy and proud

I have a fantastic set of friends who, no matter how long I have known them, have been there for me from day one. Writing is always a great outlet for any feeling I have, whether it be through here on my blog or through interpreting it into the novel I am writing. Making my family proud has always been my number one priority, even though I was a hellish teenager. So knowing that they are happy and proud of what I am doing can always put a smile on my face.

Figuring out how to balance my not-so-good days out with a helping of happiness was quite difficult at first. There are many things going on which are completely out of my control and I found that I felt helpless a lot of the time. So to balance that out I would pour my feelings into some writing, or go out to see a friend, or even just give my mum a quick call. 

It definitely takes some getting used to; I know how awful a down day can really be. But I have been using this little technique for a while now and even writing things down that make me happy can really have a positive effect.

When times get tough, come back to that list. Go through it and do a little bit of everything; even a little smile from a friend can brighten up any crappy day. 

So I want to know, what sort of things make you happy?

Degree dilemma

As my second year at university is fast coming to an end, it has occurred to me that I really need to start paving out a career path or at least have one in mind as a goal to work towards. So I sat myself down and had a little think about where I wanted to be in life in a few years time. It was at that point where it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I have no idea what I want in life.

I don't know about you, but that seriously freaked me out on so many levels I'm not entirely sure I can portray it all in words. I thrive on the fact I need control and a considerable amount of forward planning in my life; if something is written down on paper it has to be done. This is probably what pushed me towards my little breakdown at approximately midnight tonight - clearly the prime-time for a meltdown as the noise outside my window seemed to echo my thoughts. 

Considering I spent a few years before I ventured to the big mess that is university, and sat down and literally planned out on paper the next few years of my life, I don't think I could have got it more wrong. At that stage of planning it included getting decent A Level grades (done!) and passing my driving test (also done!), and finding my Prince Charming (still pending). And then it came down to the big daunting word of university. My 16 year old self freaked out probably a fraction less than my current 20 year old self is doing now 4 years down the line. What did I want to do at university? What job did I really want in the future? What would get the most pay? What am I really good at?

This is where I wish my 20 year old self could intervene - there is one question that I completely ignored and didn't even think to ask myself:

What do I love doing?

I feel like if I had asked myself that question I wouldn't be sat here at 1:15am freaking out about what I am going to do this time next year when my university career comes to an end. 

My 16 year old self realised I had always been interested in law. Naturally I selected this as one of my A Levels and was pretty happy when I became actually quite good at it, with my teacher saying to be one day that I have "the brain of the lawyer" (although I am not too sure whether that is a good thing or not...). 

The first year of my A Levels dragged but soon it was exam time. I excelled in my law and psychology exams, and did average on my French and English literature exams. It was at this point where I took the drastic decision of changing my mind from dropping French to dropping English literature. This is where my 20 year old self would most likely drop kick my 17 year old self. I continued doing law, French, psychology and also picked up a dissertation style project counting as another A Level. I ended up coming out of sixth form with the grades BBBC. Although these are pretty good grades, and I got more than enough to get into university, I still wasn't happy.

After hours upon hours of trawling through endless websites about degrees I found myself torn between two: LLB Law, and Bsc(Hons) Criminology and Criminal Justice Studies. At first I had my heart set on a law degree which I could then expand on with the graduate training programs and soon be a fully qualified lawyer.

Reality check time.

It wasn't that easy, and I soon discovered that it is almost impossible for that to actually happen. So I moved on from that dream. I realised that 80% of my law A Level focused on criminal law so it seemed only logical do take on a criminology degree. I passed my first year with a high 2:1 after getting two 1st's in my end of year exams and so I continued on to my second year.

That brings me to today - May 2 2014 - and I am only now realising that I am an idiot. Before you say it no, I am not being harsh on myself. I realised that I neglected to ask myself that one question 4 years ago which would have spared me a hell of a lot of anger, tears, and frustration. 

I had thrown away my dream because I thought it would go nowhere.

I had always loved writing; by the age of 10 I had a published poem and I had always been scribbling down little stories on scrap bits of paper. I got my first computer (way back when they were as big as an apartment) which at the time had only Microsoft Word, Paint, and that crappy pinball game on it. I found myself quickly learning to touch-type in order to write multiple stories on my new pride and joy. 

Here I am now, almost 21 years old using my blog as a place to vent to a load of people on the internet who probably don't care about this endless rant about my life and want my old posts back. I started this blog almost a year ago to rant to anyone who would listen to me, but I found that it reignited my love for writing and I am now working on an original novel.

Why am I not perusing this as a career after university? Why do I keep letting my dream float out the window? What can I do to figure all this out?

That is currently my state of mind - a never-ending list of questions rolling around in my mind just waiting for someone to answer them. It seems I am not the one to answer them considering I can't even figure out what I want for breakfast in the morning. So if anyone could actually help that would be great.

I need to figure out what I want in life, and why on earth I chose to do this stupid criminology degree instead of something to do with writing. Maybe I should also figure out why I am such a mong at the same time, or create a revolutionary cure for cancer, or discover that there are actually blue polka-dotted frogs on Pluto. I mean, is it too much to ask to be a somebody? 


As always thank you for reading, and I promise once these dreaded exams are over that I will be publishing more frequently again.

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I will speak to you lovelies soon.

Tiny Talk - episode four: 'no' means NO - consent

So this week I want to talk about consent and how saying "no" means no, but also talk about indirect consent etc. This seems to be a pressing issue at the moment after some attention on Twitter and YouTube surrounding some YouTubers. It seems this is a pressing issue, and is a serious area for concern. 

I expect many of you think of rape when people talk about consent, but in my eyes this can also include sexual manipulation or anything involving alcohol/drugs etc. I am lucky enough that I have never been in this situation, but I do know people who have, and have had to deal with emotional stress ever since. 

Something that is often overlooked is that women can manipulate men in to having sex with them too. There is a clear main focus on the fact that men are the ones who are always doing the manipulation etc. but I find that I know a lot more females who have done this than I do males. Although of course that is just people who I know. For example, the issue on how big of a factor alcohol plays in a situation like this can be serious disputed. In a university/college setting it is no secret that there is an extremely high alcohol consumption rate, and people very often have 'one night stands' - this is just simple common knowledge - but where should the line be drawn? 

There is also the issue of emotional or psychological blackmail and manipulation. Someone, be it male or female, may blackmail the other in to something by saying that they might do something to them if they don't have sex with them. I think this is also overlooked as many people seem to think that in a relationship, you are obliged to have sex with the person. This is not the case whatsoever. The other person may feel like their actions are justified and that they feel they are in the right, but if you feel like you're being forced in to something then don't do it.

Also, if a woman, or even a man, is dressed provocatively it does not mean that they are asked for sex or even to be raped. How someone dresses is up to them and does not then invite another person for sex just by that. This is something that infuriates me in this debate and is often something that is posed by narrow minded people. A persons dress sense does not dictate this whatsoever, and I find the point posed about this being an open invitation as completely devoid of any relevance. 

Although this post is entitled "no" means NO, a lack of consent doesn't have to be that direct. If someone pushes you away, or says they're not sure, don't go through with your actions. They may be doubting what they originally thought was something they wanted which acts as a form of indirect consent. Just because someone doesn't directly say "no", doesn't mean that they want to go through with it.

Well I say you are not obliged to do anything you don't want to do. Don't let someone force you in to doing something, whether it be sexual or otherwise. You are your own person and you have control on what you do with your body, or what you do not do with it. If someone threatens to break up with you, or tell people about you, then just get rid of them. They are absolutely no good to you, and are quite clearly only after one thing. Don't ever be afraid to say no. A healthy relationship doesn't have sex as the focal point - there are many other things that, when combined, form amazing relationships. No one has the right to tell you to do anything - do what only YOU want to do. 

If you are having any issues with anything like this, or you think you know of someone who is, then click here to be put in contact with someone who can help.

Thank you for reading, and stay tuned for episode five of Tiny Talk coming soon.

Tiny Talk - episode three: feeling lost

This episode of Tiny Talk I think can relate to a few different issues that people encounter over their lives. From choosing GCSE's and A Level's, to deciding if you want to go to university, or even if you are having a career crisis like myself.

Life throws many different problems and decisions your way, and only you can decide what is the right choice for you. I think feeling lost is an issue that a lot of people seem to face around the 20 year old mark, unless you're super organised and you have got your life together somehow. I kind of envy those people; I am so indecisive that I change my mind about what I want to do, or where I want to go, every single day. One day I can feel like I know exactly where I am in life, then the next I could be borderline breakdown because I will feel so lost. So if you are at university or college, or you are about to be going to something like that, just remember that you don't have to follow the line of your degree or course after you graduate. It's not the end of the world if you choose to do something completely different - who cares as long as you're happy?!

If you are feeling lost and you don't even know why, then believe me I know that feeling too. Some days you just wake up and get that feeling that you just have no idea what you're doing with your life, or why you are where you are. The only advice I can give for that is to just ride it out - which is exactly what I am doing. There have been times where I have wondered why the hell I am doing what I am doing because I am just not enjoying it. But I keep thinking that at one point I thought this was a good idea and that it would benefit me in some way in the future - so why should I give it up now just to probably regret it later on in life? Always stick something out until the end, because you only regret the things you don't do. 

At the same time, if you're feeling lost in relation to something you're doing e.g. a university course, or your job, try a new way of doing it. Whether this be handwriting some things instead of being glued to your laptop 24 hours a day, or switch up your daily routine. Doing things differently can reignite your love for something that you thought you had lost. 

Alternatively, just do something you love! If you're feeling lost, just stop and do something that you know you enjoy doing. I do this with my blog. If I feel down or lost, I come straight here and just do some writing, whether I publish it or not, because I love it I feel a lot better. Try this with reading, or if you can draw go doodle something. A long walk can always solve any problem too; it's great for reflecting on everything, especially if you live down by the sea like I do. Grab your iPod, or a friend if there is one nearby, and just go for a stroll. 

I hope that this helps anyone feeling a bit down like me, and if you have any more tips then leave them in the comments below.

As always thank you for reading, don't forget to subscribe and click all my social media links over to the right.

See you again next time for episode four of Tiny Talk!

You can read Little Boots' version of this HERE.

Tiny Talk - episode two: relationships

In some sense I feel slightly hypocritical dishing out advice on relationships. My view on them is somewhat tainted given my experience with them, but I guess you could say that I have been through rather a lot with them, so maybe I am a good person to ask for advice. 

So something that a lot of people ask me for advice on is dating; when should I date a guy/girl? When is it right to make it an official relationship? Can I date more than one person at once? A million and one questions always come flying my way, so I am going to attempt to make this column answer almost every question you could think of. 

I think society seems to frown upon the age of which it is seen ideal to start dating...the whole 'you have to be emotionally ready' thing I quite frankly see as bullshit. How can a society as a whole decide on when everyone is ready to date? It varies from person to person, which actually makes this question a lot harder to answer. So I would say that if you feel ready to date someone, then you go ahead! 

I think the issue of dating more than one person is something commonly exaggerated in society. There is a major difference between dating and relationships and the whole cheating thing. If you are only dating someone, I see no issue in dating a few other people along the way. It's when things start to get a bit more serious, and your feelings develop for this one person, that you should really stop to think about whether you should make it an exclusive thing. This is where issues of cheating come in to play. So just make sure both parties are on the same wave length about where you both stand before you see other people, or if you start to feel more for someone then let them know. 

This leads nicely on to when the right time is to make a relationship "official". This is actually something I have always struggled with, and I probably will forever contemplate when the right time actually is. I think it's one of those things where you have to sit down and actually discuss. In those silly high school relationships you don't really need to bother - if you actually end up with them for the rest of your life then you are either really lucky or you have essentially found the right person at the right time. But when it comes to adult relationships then you have to actually communicate, you know...that thing you really hate doing. You can't just wait for someone to be like "do you want to be my girlfriend?" anymore, because it simply doesn't work like that.

There also seems to be a lot of issues in relation to age gaps between people. I think this is something more of personal preference; for example, I tend to date guys who are older than me, but I have friends who date younger people etc.I think the question surrounds what the 'normal' age gap is before it gets branded as weird. I think this tends to affect people more whilst they are younger, in that a relationship between a 15 year old and a 21 year old may be seen as slightly wrong, but when that age gap is applied to people over 20 it doesn't seem so bad. There seems to be some sort of hypocrisy when it comes to age. Personally, I have a restriction on anyone 10 years older than me...which probably seems strange to my younger readers as you tend to date people the same age as you in school. But as you get older, age seems to become irrelevant. So follow your heart - if you like someone, then go for it regardless of their age.

Then comes the all important question that everyone wants to know the answer to...how do you know when someone likes you? I am possibly the worst person to answer this question but I'l give it a shot. I think it's easier to tell with girls because we will just flirt like hell in the hope that the guy will notice. All that eyelash fluttering, and touching, and bla bla bla. Yeah we all do it. Girls if you think you don't....you're lying...you do. I think it harder to tell with guys, because believe it or not, they get shy too! Most guys I think just think that replying to your texts relatively quickly constitutes affection...meh maybe it does...I'd be pretty chuffed if someone continuously replied quickly! I don't know....if they want to spend time with you then I'd say there is something there....God knows.

In slight relation...how do you tell someone you like them? Well as we all know I am a very blunt person, so I just tend to tell them...sometimes it takes a drop of alcohol for me to say it because (shockingly) I get nervous too! But I honestly think it's the best way to tell someone. Why beat around the bush and spend hours worrying over confusing mixed signals. The worst thing that can happen is they say they don't like you in that way and you move on from it. So just grow a pair and tell them! 

There is this whole thing that it is traditional for the guy to make the first move. Well I say fuck that. Why can't the girl make the first move? I think I am well-known in my friendship group to always be the one to make the first move. I don't see the issue with the girl asking the guy out for a drink or whatever. I do it all the time - not that I ask a lot of people. It's the same thing with my previous point...the worst that can happen is they say no. Or you can go out for a drink and find out that maybe you didn't like them as much as you thought and then you have had a good chat and a good drink. Winner! People need to stop thinking that this whole traditional ideology of relationships applies...because it doesn't. Whether you think that Prince Charming is going to come swooping by on his bloody unicorn pulled carriage, get down on one knee and propose with this 374839 carat ring, then do that whole movie-star kiss in the rain thing....no. Just no. That doesn't happen - sorry! Life isn't a Disney movie....make the first move or you might regret it. 

As a girl who has had an overall not amazing experience with relationships, I would quite like some sort of crystal ball to tell me when a guy is an asshole and when he is genuine. I think that a lot of girls, myself included, like this whole bad boy persona. Well I think it's time we all moved away from that...if they have that persona it's likely they're going to be one. For once in my life I think it's time I didn't get messed around and had a nice guy. So I think the one way you can tell if a guy, or a girl for that matter, is an asshole is if they don't pay attention to you. Don't get me wrong, my attention span can be shit a lot of the time, but I pay attention to little details. If someone doesn't pay attention to the things that you like, do, or mention then it's probably not worth it. You deserve someone who does those little things. They don't even have to be romantic things, but if they sit and watch a film you like instead of something they want, then I'd consider that a success. 

I think in relationships and dating you can get really drawn in and not know when the time comes to walk away. This is something I have definitely struggled with and now I look from the other side I sort of kick myself about how long I held on to something that was ruining me. I have major issues with being alone. I don't know why, but I always have - a shocker considering I spend all my time in my room on my laptop....But I think that you need to put yourself first in these situations. If you aren't happy in your relationship, and things aren't what they used to be then maybe it's time to walk away. It will be difficult, especially if you are close to that person and have been with them for a long time, but someone can only love you as much as you love yourself, and if you aren't happy then it sort of speaks for itself....Also if someone treats you like shit then just go. Just let it go and find someone who loves you for you and treats you like a prince or princess, because those people do exist. You always find what you're looking for when you stop searching.

My final point is how to deal with a bad breakup. Now this I can most definitely offer you advice on. 2 out of 3 of my breakups have been seriously hard on me, and in my last one I did the worst thing I think I could have done. I literally drowned myself in alcohol for 2 solid weeks and did pretty much nothing else. Now I would not offer this to you as a solution because it isn't healthy and I ended up being ill after. I didn't focus on the problem at hand, I just ignored it in the hope that it would go away. It didn't. In fact, I came out worse the other side of the drink to what I went in. So my solution is to get a load of friends around you, grab a shit ton of food, and stick on your favourite film. No one ever solved anything completely alone. Someone offered me some great advice when I went through mine - keep living until you are alive again. I have stuck to that ever since. So if you are going through a bad breakup, or know someone who is, just offer them that. It did me the world of good.

A piece of advice by my lovely chummy, Little Boots, is that misery loves company. So there is a fantastic excuse to have all your friends over!


I am going to stop now, because this Tiny Talk has turned in to a Tremendous Talk, so sorry about that.

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As always thank you for reading and I will see you tomorrow for a brand new post!

Byeeee!

Tiny talk - episode one: frenemies

I was thinking the other day that I might start a little daily series on my blog to essentially keep me sane (although that was meant to be the entire purpose of this blog in the first place...). I am hoping that this follows in the lines of Chummy Chatter by Zoella and Sprinkleofglitter where they just talk about things on their mind, or important issues. 

This is only going to be a small post I think - just a little something that's current in my life that I think might be interesting to you guys. But I will try and write these daily, each with a different theme. I will also be corresponding with Little Boots with our posts, starting tomorrow, so that you get two lots of advice and opinions - you lucky bunch!

So today's issue is frenemies. If you don't know what a frenemy is, it's basically one of those people who you could class as an acquaintance or someone surrounding your friendship group who you just don't get along with, or who bothers you in some way. 

I think this tends to affect people more in their teenage years when they are still at school, or when they're trying to make new friends at a new job, or a new environment. 

This is something I found particularly difficult to deal with in secondary school. I shan't go in to details on this, but it was all about finding out who my real friends were, and overcoming the fact I knew I would lose friends because of one person. It actually ended with me moving schools to start sixth form somewhere else because I didn't want to stay in an environment with those people anymore. Luckily this worked out really well for me, and I made a few life-long friends at this different place. 

I think it is always difficult, especially as a female, to ever trust people when it comes to friendships. There is always bitchiness and back-stabbing in most girl groups - it is just something you have to expect I think. But always remember that you will come out the other side a much better person having been through that experience. It won't seem like it at the time, and it sounds extremely cliche, but it does get better. You have to think about yourself in situations like this; if you aren't happy in a friendship group because of one, or even several members of it, then remove yourself. It will be difficult, and you probably won't like the abnormal feeling for a while, but it's worth it. Don't let a few people in your life bring you down. Especially don't let it affect your school work or anything like that, because you only get one shot at it. 

Don't go down the same dark hole I did and get completely caught up in the situation because you will make yourself ill. It's difficult to get back on track once you're that deep in, so please learn from my mistake and remove yourself and deal with the situation right away. You deserve happiness, and if that means losing a few people then you have to do it. More people will come along - you have a lifetime to secure friendships. I always thought I would be close friends with people from my school years, but in reality I now speak to only one of them on a regular basis, but a few more from when I removed myself from the first situation. 

So today's moral is: don't be put off or think too much if you don't get along with someone. You are your number one priority!


If you would like to suggest a new subject for Tiny Talk, or something you want advice on, then click one of my media buttons to the right and I will get back to you!

Tune back in tomorrow for more Tiny Talk!

Sexuality: why does it matter?

As some of you may know, Olympic team GB bronze medalist diver Tom Daley came out today as bisexual in a video on his YouTube channel. If none of you have seen this then I shall post it below:

I completely take my hat off to the man because this is such a hard thing to do, especially as someone who is always in the public eye as much as he is. Tom is currently in a relationship with a man, as he said in this video, and states that he is really happy with someone who makes him feel safe - which is something we all look for in a relationship, so good for you, Tom!

This really got me thinking about why people get so uptight about sexuality. It is such a widely discussed topic in society, however I think that it is usually discussed in such a bad light because it is one of those topics people feel awkward talking about, or feel strongly about. 

I for one cannot understand why so many people instantly judge a person because of their sexuality. I have so many friends who have had their sexuality speculated for a substantial period of time yet when they came out were subject to a barrel full of abuse and hatred. Now that is the sort of thing that I think is just not on. Why should someone get abused and discriminated just because of who they are? I think this is the lowest form of abuse in modern society. 

A person cannot help who they are; whether they are attracted to males, females, or both, they should be accepted. Who cares whether someone is gay, bisexual or straight? I find that people who warrant this sort of abuse to someone because of their sexuality are rather insecure about themselves and find security in the abuse of another - it's a form of bullying.

One of my friends recently confided in me about his sexuality after previously coming out as bisexual. He admitted to me that his feelings and attraction were mainly towards males, but he was having trouble both coming to terms with it and accepting it himself. I think this is a good example of how society brainwashes people in to this sort of mentality. Just because he felt like it was a "bad" thing to feel, he was starting to resent the person he was becoming. We had a nice little chat and I gave him what I thought was some good advice (turned out it was). I told him that you cannot change who you are, and no matter what happened after that conversation that we would love him no less, and that we respected and supported whatever decision he made. If people don't like it then that is their loss - sexuality does not define a person. I then got a message from him this morning which did make me get all emotional! He had seen Tom's video which, along with my advice, has inspired him to both accept and enjoy the person that he is. He's since told people who had not previously been aware, who have been on the whole very accepting. I am just glad that I could be there to offer advice, and I have to say that it is a major privilege to know him because he is absolutely lovely and I wouldn't change him for the world.

I am actually lucky enough to have my friend make a few comments on sexuality, so I have conducted a mini interview:

In general, what was the final thing that gave you inspiration to come out?

To be honest it wasn't a choice, but rather an event which has lived in my memory as one of the most terrifying events of my life. My housemates and I were on a night out in the SU a couple of months before Christmas in 2012. Following a night of anger at myself and being drunk - which only made it worse - I finally let my emotions get the hold of me towards my housemates I succumbed to a panic attack which then lead to  my slow courage to come out to firstly my sister, brother and closest friends over a period of time.

What has the reaction been like overall from the people you have recently told?

To put it bluntly: supportive and proud. The support from individuals who already knew and have since found out has been immense, with the certain special few who I feel like I can tell anything to. The fact people have portrayed they're proud of me either by text, in person, or over Facebook has been amazing. One which really hit me came from my dad's girlfriend that I received this afternoon. It said "do you know that if you were my son I'd be very proud of you, and you are very brave" - a small text, but one that did mean a lot.

How were you feeling before you came out?

I felt like I was a liar. At the time I was in a relationship with a girl; a time I don't regret, but I knew something wasn't right. When I told her following the panic attack that I was "bisexual" and that I didn't know who I was, or what I wanted, it was really harming. I have known that I liked guys for 5 or so years and I only wish I came out sooner.

Has coming out changed this?

Um, it has. I know I have been a liar, and even yesterday I was. I would tell people that I was "bi", but not anymore. I have has experiences of both sexes and I know what is me and where my natural attraction is. I want to be with that special guy, and when people asked, and when I tell others, I won't be "bi" but I will proudly say I am "gay". So I suppose that yes, coming out has changed this. I know I still have some way to go, and when I'm out in public the initial anxieties will affect me, but I am nearly there; I am nearly the person I am and want to be.

Do you think that society's perception of sexuality prevents people from accepting who they are?

Yes, definitely. I always remember during my panic attack and the following months, I refused to accept myself because "society doesn't accept it". But I know that 90% do, and for those who don't...well then so be it. There is too much pressure on sexuality, but it is crucially advancing towards acceptance. I can't help who I am. I was watching a YouTube clip recently about coming out, and one example made clear to me how fickle some people can be. It was a clip about a mother who was struggling to accept her son for who he was, and was asked to choose between chocolate or vanilla ice cream - I know this is random, but it's a summary - and she chose chocolate. She was asked why to which she answered; "because I like chocolate". Well I like guys, and as with the ice cream it's a choice I make. Society is changing, but the problems of bullying at school, work, and public places needs to stop; it's petty and childish - what do they achieve from it? Nothing. It's hurtful and degrading, and in the 21st century it has no place.

What advice would you give to people who are too scared to come out?

You have to wait until you are ready in my opinion, but you also can't lock it up as I did because it will only make thing 100 times worse - shoving stuff inside a cupboard only gets harder and harder until it eventually topples on top of you. Start with those closest, and at your own pace, then find that one person who you can talk to about anything. I had a couple, but one in particular who was there for me no matter what after my panic attack. The best bit is that I have since found more. It is you, no matter how much you want to deny it, you can't. And boy, you will feel the relief and it is amazing! Maybe even read stories of how people have come out, celebrities and role models etc. It makes you realise what you are missing and gives you the motivation. This was something I did to give me the confidence to tell my dad. 

Although that I was there for my friend, some people are not so lucky to have support and often have no one they can turn to. On top of this, a lot of people who come out to their families and friends don't get the reaction that they deserve. Someone should not have to deal with the people they love telling them that they're not a good person because of their sexuality. That is just wrong. Just because a person doesn't conform to what the majority of society see as "normal", doesn't mean that they shouldn't be accepted and then in turn become alienated. 

Sexuality is not a defining trait of a person. Just because they are attracted to the same sex, does not make them a bad person. Society on the whole is too quick to jump on the bandwagon of the majority and judge a person based on tiny minute details. This has to stop. How would you feel if you were in their shoes? Would you feel OK that someone was judging you to the extent that people get bullied on a day to day basis? I think not. 

I genuinely wish that there could be something that I could do to help people who are suffering from this because it's such a horrible thing to go through. Obviously I have never been through this myself, but I can imagine how people can feel because of something like this. Feeling like you aren't being accepted by people you love is the worst thing in the world. 

If any of you are going through this then my email/social media links have private mail if any of you would like support. My Tumblr inbox has an "anonymous" option, and none of them will be published on my profile. 

I just ask you that you do not discriminate against someone who confides in you, or if someone you know is gay. It doesn't make you cool, and it isn't clever. It makes you less of a human being for being like that. Respect the privacy of people, and think how you would feel if it was you in that situation. 

Treat others how you wish to be treated yourself.

A big thank you to my amazing friend who gave this interview. For the purposes of this post, he shall remain anonymous. 

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