The point of exams?

Having sat through hundreds of exams in my lifetime, be that SATs, GCSE's, A Levels, University exams, pre-job tests, and general tests and exams throughout school, I have started to wonder what exactly the point of these exams are.

After watching THIS video, these thoughts just got even more structured.

What exactly is the main point of an exam? It’s not really a test of what you know, it’s more of what you remember. Ever had an argument and remembered a great comeback a few hours later? This is what an exam is like for me. No matter how hard I study, revise or force myself to attempt to remember things, I get a mental block spanning the length of my exam and end up more stressed than I was before I sat in my seat.

This sort of thing really hit me when it came to my GCSE Maths exams – although this was a good 5 or so years ago, this definitely still applies to exams today. I physically cannot do maths at all. As soon as I see a sum or equation, each separate number merges into one and I usually end up angry at myself or in tears. I managed to just scrape though my GCSE Maths with a C, and I still wasn't happy.

Although maths is a compulsory subject until the end of year 11 (16 years old) in the UK, surely there will be a massive change and gap between those who have minds more orientated towards numerical reasoning, to those with a more verbal and literal brain, such as myself.

On top of this, about 99% of things you learn for an exam have no application in the outside world. How many times have you had to use something you learned in maths in your school years? Yes, I get that some professions might actually use all of these things, but not everyone who goes through school will become an engineer.

Personally, I find literacy exams a bazillion times easier than anything with even a single number in. I can write for days about almost anything as long as I have a tiny bit of background information on it. Want me to write about the hidden meaning of a poem I have never read before? Sure, give me 10 minutes to read it. Want me to write about the history of a country I have never heard of before? Cool, just give me a few basic facts. Want me to fill a book with absolutely anything that comes into my head? Fantastic!

How can exams expect to test absolutely every individual who passes through the education system in a fair way? Like me, one person might be academically good at one sort of subject, and then be less than average on another.

This also applies to those who excel at art. Take my sister for example. She has an incredible eye for art, and can draw absolutely anything in a matter of hours. In fact, I am going to include some of her artwork below.

She claims, although I dispute this to a certain extent, that she struggles with slightly more academic subjects. This actually ended up stressing her out in her GCSE’s last year, because she excels at art, she didn't think she would do as well in her other subjects.

Although I understand that the introduction of subject choices in GCSE’s allow this to be slightly eliminated, and doesn't massively affect anyone until they can completely choose every subject for A Level exams, this doesn't stop the stress, pressure, and general being a pain in the ass of exams themselves.

Anyone who knows me will probably be reading this either shaking their heads, or feeling a bit confused as to why I am writing about exams because I “got good grades”, “passed my exams”, and “have nothing to complain about”, but that didn't come without a lot of hard work, stress, tears, and me being general all round hell.

Why should exams put so much pressure on one person whilst they’re still young when it’s very rare a job you apply for 10 years down the line won’t bother to ask for them, or only ask for a select few grades? Or when they become less of a fair exam and more of a memory test? Or when they don’t test you fairly based on which way your brain processes information.

There is so much pressure on kids these days to get good grades, to get good jobs.

The truth is that you don’t need a degree to do something you love, being good at something and enjoying every moment of it will make you richer than money ever could, and a good education doesn't make you better than someone who doesn't have that privilege.

The world is your oyster, so don't let a random letter next to a subject define you for the rest of your life. If you enjoy something, go and do it. 

The sky is the limit, and no one is going to stop you.

So, what do you think? Could exams be more individually orientated, do you think they’re fine as they are, or maybe you think that everything I have said is just a load of crap.

Keep swimming,

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The tattoo debate

In recent years tattoos have changed their social standing from something frowned upon completely, to being popular and mostly seen as a piece of art used to express oneself. Despite the fact that there is less discrimination against the tattooed population, can we honestly say that they are now socially acceptable?

As one of the tattooed population, I feel like this is a bit of a two-sided debate. Although having made the choice to permanently ink my skin, I do see the other side of this argument, but when does it change from a debate to pure discrimination? 

Despite the fact that many people seem to think that being tattooed means that you can't find a job and are a "chav", I have never been turned down from a job due to my tattoos, nor do I view myself as a chav. One of my tattoos is clearly visible on my wrist and is uncovered 100% of the time; yet this has not ever affected my chances of being offered a job or role. 

I had also never suffered abuse because of my tattoos up until recently, and this event truly highlighted the differences in those who accept tattoos, those who don't, and the generation differences. 

I was recently deemed "unacceptable for employment" and shouted at by an older gentleman after he saw my tattoo. Up until the moment he had seen it, he had treated me no differently to anyone else and had talked to me perfectly fine; yet when he caught a glimpse of it, it was as if I was talking to a completely different person. Although it made me feel absolutely awful, and I was really angry for the rest of the day, I understood that this was simply this man's way of expressing his opinion of my choice to be tattooed. No, I did not agree with his method, nor did I really appreciate being shouted at in front of many people, but I did see his point of view and calmly ended the conversation. I dread to think of what his reaction would have been if my visible tattoo was bigger! Just to add a bit of perspective, here is a picture of my tattoo:

 

Does my tattoo really give someone else an excuse to act in that way? No one else has the right to express their dislike, or sometimes hatred, for my own choices. What I don't understand is why people treat someone else differently due to a simple tattoo - it isn't on their body, so why should they be that bothered?

I am pretty sure I have used this analogy before, but take this doctor, for example.

 

Would you refuse treatment from him simply because he has tattoos? Why should a tattoo make any difference to someone's intelligence, social standing, or outlook? That is what I find disgusting about some people's behaviour towards those who have tattoos. 

Tattoos, although they have become more popular, seem to still have the stigma of being a "thug" or being "chavvy" attached to them. This still seems to be the case with even professionals and seems to also be unchanging. 

So I want to know, what is your opinion on people with tattoos?

Do you find them acceptable? Maybe you only like them on certain people? Or maybe you simply hate them full stop?

Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

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Tiny Talk - episode two: relationships

In some sense I feel slightly hypocritical dishing out advice on relationships. My view on them is somewhat tainted given my experience with them, but I guess you could say that I have been through rather a lot with them, so maybe I am a good person to ask for advice. 

So something that a lot of people ask me for advice on is dating; when should I date a guy/girl? When is it right to make it an official relationship? Can I date more than one person at once? A million and one questions always come flying my way, so I am going to attempt to make this column answer almost every question you could think of. 

I think society seems to frown upon the age of which it is seen ideal to start dating...the whole 'you have to be emotionally ready' thing I quite frankly see as bullshit. How can a society as a whole decide on when everyone is ready to date? It varies from person to person, which actually makes this question a lot harder to answer. So I would say that if you feel ready to date someone, then you go ahead! 

I think the issue of dating more than one person is something commonly exaggerated in society. There is a major difference between dating and relationships and the whole cheating thing. If you are only dating someone, I see no issue in dating a few other people along the way. It's when things start to get a bit more serious, and your feelings develop for this one person, that you should really stop to think about whether you should make it an exclusive thing. This is where issues of cheating come in to play. So just make sure both parties are on the same wave length about where you both stand before you see other people, or if you start to feel more for someone then let them know. 

This leads nicely on to when the right time is to make a relationship "official". This is actually something I have always struggled with, and I probably will forever contemplate when the right time actually is. I think it's one of those things where you have to sit down and actually discuss. In those silly high school relationships you don't really need to bother - if you actually end up with them for the rest of your life then you are either really lucky or you have essentially found the right person at the right time. But when it comes to adult relationships then you have to actually communicate, you know...that thing you really hate doing. You can't just wait for someone to be like "do you want to be my girlfriend?" anymore, because it simply doesn't work like that.

There also seems to be a lot of issues in relation to age gaps between people. I think this is something more of personal preference; for example, I tend to date guys who are older than me, but I have friends who date younger people etc.I think the question surrounds what the 'normal' age gap is before it gets branded as weird. I think this tends to affect people more whilst they are younger, in that a relationship between a 15 year old and a 21 year old may be seen as slightly wrong, but when that age gap is applied to people over 20 it doesn't seem so bad. There seems to be some sort of hypocrisy when it comes to age. Personally, I have a restriction on anyone 10 years older than me...which probably seems strange to my younger readers as you tend to date people the same age as you in school. But as you get older, age seems to become irrelevant. So follow your heart - if you like someone, then go for it regardless of their age.

Then comes the all important question that everyone wants to know the answer to...how do you know when someone likes you? I am possibly the worst person to answer this question but I'l give it a shot. I think it's easier to tell with girls because we will just flirt like hell in the hope that the guy will notice. All that eyelash fluttering, and touching, and bla bla bla. Yeah we all do it. Girls if you think you don't....you're lying...you do. I think it harder to tell with guys, because believe it or not, they get shy too! Most guys I think just think that replying to your texts relatively quickly constitutes affection...meh maybe it does...I'd be pretty chuffed if someone continuously replied quickly! I don't know....if they want to spend time with you then I'd say there is something there....God knows.

In slight relation...how do you tell someone you like them? Well as we all know I am a very blunt person, so I just tend to tell them...sometimes it takes a drop of alcohol for me to say it because (shockingly) I get nervous too! But I honestly think it's the best way to tell someone. Why beat around the bush and spend hours worrying over confusing mixed signals. The worst thing that can happen is they say they don't like you in that way and you move on from it. So just grow a pair and tell them! 

There is this whole thing that it is traditional for the guy to make the first move. Well I say fuck that. Why can't the girl make the first move? I think I am well-known in my friendship group to always be the one to make the first move. I don't see the issue with the girl asking the guy out for a drink or whatever. I do it all the time - not that I ask a lot of people. It's the same thing with my previous point...the worst that can happen is they say no. Or you can go out for a drink and find out that maybe you didn't like them as much as you thought and then you have had a good chat and a good drink. Winner! People need to stop thinking that this whole traditional ideology of relationships applies...because it doesn't. Whether you think that Prince Charming is going to come swooping by on his bloody unicorn pulled carriage, get down on one knee and propose with this 374839 carat ring, then do that whole movie-star kiss in the rain thing....no. Just no. That doesn't happen - sorry! Life isn't a Disney movie....make the first move or you might regret it. 

As a girl who has had an overall not amazing experience with relationships, I would quite like some sort of crystal ball to tell me when a guy is an asshole and when he is genuine. I think that a lot of girls, myself included, like this whole bad boy persona. Well I think it's time we all moved away from that...if they have that persona it's likely they're going to be one. For once in my life I think it's time I didn't get messed around and had a nice guy. So I think the one way you can tell if a guy, or a girl for that matter, is an asshole is if they don't pay attention to you. Don't get me wrong, my attention span can be shit a lot of the time, but I pay attention to little details. If someone doesn't pay attention to the things that you like, do, or mention then it's probably not worth it. You deserve someone who does those little things. They don't even have to be romantic things, but if they sit and watch a film you like instead of something they want, then I'd consider that a success. 

I think in relationships and dating you can get really drawn in and not know when the time comes to walk away. This is something I have definitely struggled with and now I look from the other side I sort of kick myself about how long I held on to something that was ruining me. I have major issues with being alone. I don't know why, but I always have - a shocker considering I spend all my time in my room on my laptop....But I think that you need to put yourself first in these situations. If you aren't happy in your relationship, and things aren't what they used to be then maybe it's time to walk away. It will be difficult, especially if you are close to that person and have been with them for a long time, but someone can only love you as much as you love yourself, and if you aren't happy then it sort of speaks for itself....Also if someone treats you like shit then just go. Just let it go and find someone who loves you for you and treats you like a prince or princess, because those people do exist. You always find what you're looking for when you stop searching.

My final point is how to deal with a bad breakup. Now this I can most definitely offer you advice on. 2 out of 3 of my breakups have been seriously hard on me, and in my last one I did the worst thing I think I could have done. I literally drowned myself in alcohol for 2 solid weeks and did pretty much nothing else. Now I would not offer this to you as a solution because it isn't healthy and I ended up being ill after. I didn't focus on the problem at hand, I just ignored it in the hope that it would go away. It didn't. In fact, I came out worse the other side of the drink to what I went in. So my solution is to get a load of friends around you, grab a shit ton of food, and stick on your favourite film. No one ever solved anything completely alone. Someone offered me some great advice when I went through mine - keep living until you are alive again. I have stuck to that ever since. So if you are going through a bad breakup, or know someone who is, just offer them that. It did me the world of good.

A piece of advice by my lovely chummy, Little Boots, is that misery loves company. So there is a fantastic excuse to have all your friends over!


I am going to stop now, because this Tiny Talk has turned in to a Tremendous Talk, so sorry about that.

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As always thank you for reading and I will see you tomorrow for a brand new post!

Byeeee!

Sexuality: why does it matter?

As some of you may know, Olympic team GB bronze medalist diver Tom Daley came out today as bisexual in a video on his YouTube channel. If none of you have seen this then I shall post it below:

I completely take my hat off to the man because this is such a hard thing to do, especially as someone who is always in the public eye as much as he is. Tom is currently in a relationship with a man, as he said in this video, and states that he is really happy with someone who makes him feel safe - which is something we all look for in a relationship, so good for you, Tom!

This really got me thinking about why people get so uptight about sexuality. It is such a widely discussed topic in society, however I think that it is usually discussed in such a bad light because it is one of those topics people feel awkward talking about, or feel strongly about. 

I for one cannot understand why so many people instantly judge a person because of their sexuality. I have so many friends who have had their sexuality speculated for a substantial period of time yet when they came out were subject to a barrel full of abuse and hatred. Now that is the sort of thing that I think is just not on. Why should someone get abused and discriminated just because of who they are? I think this is the lowest form of abuse in modern society. 

A person cannot help who they are; whether they are attracted to males, females, or both, they should be accepted. Who cares whether someone is gay, bisexual or straight? I find that people who warrant this sort of abuse to someone because of their sexuality are rather insecure about themselves and find security in the abuse of another - it's a form of bullying.

One of my friends recently confided in me about his sexuality after previously coming out as bisexual. He admitted to me that his feelings and attraction were mainly towards males, but he was having trouble both coming to terms with it and accepting it himself. I think this is a good example of how society brainwashes people in to this sort of mentality. Just because he felt like it was a "bad" thing to feel, he was starting to resent the person he was becoming. We had a nice little chat and I gave him what I thought was some good advice (turned out it was). I told him that you cannot change who you are, and no matter what happened after that conversation that we would love him no less, and that we respected and supported whatever decision he made. If people don't like it then that is their loss - sexuality does not define a person. I then got a message from him this morning which did make me get all emotional! He had seen Tom's video which, along with my advice, has inspired him to both accept and enjoy the person that he is. He's since told people who had not previously been aware, who have been on the whole very accepting. I am just glad that I could be there to offer advice, and I have to say that it is a major privilege to know him because he is absolutely lovely and I wouldn't change him for the world.

I am actually lucky enough to have my friend make a few comments on sexuality, so I have conducted a mini interview:

In general, what was the final thing that gave you inspiration to come out?

To be honest it wasn't a choice, but rather an event which has lived in my memory as one of the most terrifying events of my life. My housemates and I were on a night out in the SU a couple of months before Christmas in 2012. Following a night of anger at myself and being drunk - which only made it worse - I finally let my emotions get the hold of me towards my housemates I succumbed to a panic attack which then lead to  my slow courage to come out to firstly my sister, brother and closest friends over a period of time.

What has the reaction been like overall from the people you have recently told?

To put it bluntly: supportive and proud. The support from individuals who already knew and have since found out has been immense, with the certain special few who I feel like I can tell anything to. The fact people have portrayed they're proud of me either by text, in person, or over Facebook has been amazing. One which really hit me came from my dad's girlfriend that I received this afternoon. It said "do you know that if you were my son I'd be very proud of you, and you are very brave" - a small text, but one that did mean a lot.

How were you feeling before you came out?

I felt like I was a liar. At the time I was in a relationship with a girl; a time I don't regret, but I knew something wasn't right. When I told her following the panic attack that I was "bisexual" and that I didn't know who I was, or what I wanted, it was really harming. I have known that I liked guys for 5 or so years and I only wish I came out sooner.

Has coming out changed this?

Um, it has. I know I have been a liar, and even yesterday I was. I would tell people that I was "bi", but not anymore. I have has experiences of both sexes and I know what is me and where my natural attraction is. I want to be with that special guy, and when people asked, and when I tell others, I won't be "bi" but I will proudly say I am "gay". So I suppose that yes, coming out has changed this. I know I still have some way to go, and when I'm out in public the initial anxieties will affect me, but I am nearly there; I am nearly the person I am and want to be.

Do you think that society's perception of sexuality prevents people from accepting who they are?

Yes, definitely. I always remember during my panic attack and the following months, I refused to accept myself because "society doesn't accept it". But I know that 90% do, and for those who don't...well then so be it. There is too much pressure on sexuality, but it is crucially advancing towards acceptance. I can't help who I am. I was watching a YouTube clip recently about coming out, and one example made clear to me how fickle some people can be. It was a clip about a mother who was struggling to accept her son for who he was, and was asked to choose between chocolate or vanilla ice cream - I know this is random, but it's a summary - and she chose chocolate. She was asked why to which she answered; "because I like chocolate". Well I like guys, and as with the ice cream it's a choice I make. Society is changing, but the problems of bullying at school, work, and public places needs to stop; it's petty and childish - what do they achieve from it? Nothing. It's hurtful and degrading, and in the 21st century it has no place.

What advice would you give to people who are too scared to come out?

You have to wait until you are ready in my opinion, but you also can't lock it up as I did because it will only make thing 100 times worse - shoving stuff inside a cupboard only gets harder and harder until it eventually topples on top of you. Start with those closest, and at your own pace, then find that one person who you can talk to about anything. I had a couple, but one in particular who was there for me no matter what after my panic attack. The best bit is that I have since found more. It is you, no matter how much you want to deny it, you can't. And boy, you will feel the relief and it is amazing! Maybe even read stories of how people have come out, celebrities and role models etc. It makes you realise what you are missing and gives you the motivation. This was something I did to give me the confidence to tell my dad. 

Although that I was there for my friend, some people are not so lucky to have support and often have no one they can turn to. On top of this, a lot of people who come out to their families and friends don't get the reaction that they deserve. Someone should not have to deal with the people they love telling them that they're not a good person because of their sexuality. That is just wrong. Just because a person doesn't conform to what the majority of society see as "normal", doesn't mean that they shouldn't be accepted and then in turn become alienated. 

Sexuality is not a defining trait of a person. Just because they are attracted to the same sex, does not make them a bad person. Society on the whole is too quick to jump on the bandwagon of the majority and judge a person based on tiny minute details. This has to stop. How would you feel if you were in their shoes? Would you feel OK that someone was judging you to the extent that people get bullied on a day to day basis? I think not. 

I genuinely wish that there could be something that I could do to help people who are suffering from this because it's such a horrible thing to go through. Obviously I have never been through this myself, but I can imagine how people can feel because of something like this. Feeling like you aren't being accepted by people you love is the worst thing in the world. 

If any of you are going through this then my email/social media links have private mail if any of you would like support. My Tumblr inbox has an "anonymous" option, and none of them will be published on my profile. 

I just ask you that you do not discriminate against someone who confides in you, or if someone you know is gay. It doesn't make you cool, and it isn't clever. It makes you less of a human being for being like that. Respect the privacy of people, and think how you would feel if it was you in that situation. 

Treat others how you wish to be treated yourself.

A big thank you to my amazing friend who gave this interview. For the purposes of this post, he shall remain anonymous. 

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