A Life Update: 6 Months On

It has been a while since I have done a life update. 

A year ago this week I completed on my new house. At the time, I was somewhat happily engaged and getting excited about making a house into a home. 

Fast forward one year, that house is on the market, you know the story about the relationship, I have two great dogs and I am looking towards to the next chapter.

Has that been smooth sailing? Far from it. 

That original transition from being in a relationship that I thought was it to being on my own in a massive house was difficult. I will be the first to say that I still find things difficult. I find it hard that I am so far away from the majority of my family who are all usually quite busy; I often feel isolated and lonely. I struggle on a daily basis with my mental health. Financially, things are hard. I am paying for the majority of my house on my own - my outgoings are not far off my whole salary. My ex pays for half the mortgage and council tax, but refuses to pay for anything else. Then he tells me he has no money and that this whole situation is my fault. I am not the one who cheated. 

But at the same time, I feel free. 

I can buy Christmas decorations that I want without someone controlling what the house looks like. I can wear Disney clothes if I want without someone telling me I can't leave the house with them on. I can sit and eat what I want without someone calling me fat. I can put a Mickey Mouse spoon holder in the kitchen because someone else hasn't put me down for wanting Disney in the house. I can let the dogs in the living room because someone isn't demanding that they are kept in the kitchen. I can come in from work and sit down for a little while because someone isn't sitting on their ass expecting dinner to be made as soon as I come in. I can relax on a Saturday because someone isn't refusing to do any housework. I can plan my weekends how I want because someone isn't demanding we do everything with their family and not mine. I can say no when my mental health isn't great because someone else isn't causing the problems. I have control over my own life because someone else hasn't. 

I look back over the last six months of being on my own and I see how far I have come. I have gotten over what happened and I have gotten over my ex. Yes, I still resent that he put me in this situation and blames me, telling me this is all my fault so I have no one else to blame. Yet, he had an easy life; never had to lift a finger, got his way on almost everything. His family were fantastic to me during the time we were together and we got on very well. They will, of course, support their family member, despite what he did and what he caused, and I am very aware and accepting of that. 

I have recently removed his family from my Facebook page, despite a few people telling me I should keep them. I decided that to move on, this was something I needed to do for me. I am not living my life for someone else anymore, I am living it for me. 

I have had people ask me if I am dating at the moment. The answer is no. I did try for a while but I have decided to take some time for myself and to learn to be on my own. I also would not want to bring someone else into this mess. It wouldn't be fair to them or to me. 

I have lived on my own in this house now longer than I lived with my ex. Living on your own is very liberating. I have never seen it as something daunting as a lot of people do. I have my own space, with my own belongings how I want them. You learn to enjoy your own company and the smaller things in life. I love sitting on my sofa, lighting my candles and having a snuggle with my boys. 

I am looking forward now to getting rid of the house. It will be a long journey, as it has been so far. The house has been on the market for six months and has recently been taken off, to be put back on in January. I am hoping to have it sold before summer next year so I can be in a new house for my holiday next year. I am really looking forward to not having to have any ties to him or his family so I can move on to this next chapter in my life. 

So for anyone in this, or a similar, situation. Keep treading water because one day you will float. 

I have a lot to look forward to over the next year, so hopefully my next life update will be a happier one! 

From To-Be-Wed To One In Bed

Just three months ago I was happily engaged, planning a wedding and loving life as a fiancee, homeowner and puppy mum. 

Now I am single, living alone, struggling with money but ultimately still a puppy mum. Silver linings and all that. 

Essentially, things went tits up. But I am past the stage of wanting to scream and cry in a corner. I have come to peace with what has happened; I no longer hate my ex, although I definitely don't want to remain friends just due to what actually did happen. I don't hide what happened, but I also don't actively avoid discussing it. If people want to know, I tell them. If people don't ask, I don't say. If he were to walk past me, I would say hello, even if he wouldn't. I am now at that stage where I am looking forward to this chapter closing. I am looking forward to the future and what it has in store for me. 

The last few months have been eye opening and have given me a chance to reflect on my lifestyle, choices in life and look at who I want to be in the future.

Don't get me wrong, I miss the security I had. My life plan was well on track and now I have given up on the idea of ever getting married and having kids. My two dogs, who I will introduce in a later post, have been life savers. I am a planner, and having someone else stir up my plans without any prior warning to me has been hard to deal with.

I will be frank. I sought help. For the first time in my life, I knew when I wasn't mentally well and I actively went looking for help. To me, that was a big thing. I knew that I wasn't doing too good; I was feeling extremely down, constantly on edge, stressed beyond words and I didn't eat a proper meal for a month. There was a point where I did think I couldn't do this anymore. So, I went to my doctor. I was eventually diagnosed with depression and anxiety. At first I wasn't too sure, but accepting help when I needed it has worked wonders. 

When people said to me three months ago that time is a healer, I didn't believe them. I spent most my time alone in my house, curled up on the sofa crying. Now, although I still enjoy my alone time, I see friends, go out shopping, or visit family. I have a perfect balance between sitting on the sofa, puppy either side, watching Love Island and drinking a cup of tea and surrounding myself with family, having a drink and watching the World Cup. 

The down side? My fuel consumption has doubled (sorry, environment) just due to how much I am getting about now. 

I am having those realisations of all the things I can do, places I can go and things I can buy that were off the table. 

I can go to Japan! I can decorate my house how I want. I can buy that Christmas bedding. 

What is next for me?

I have a ton of plans. I have plans with girls from work to go away at Christmas, to get drunk in London and take horrendous pictures. I am going away in August to Disney World. I am hoping to go away a couple of times next year. I am starting a new health routine in September after my holiday for both my physical and mental health. I am functioning on my own. 

So, for anyone out there in a similar situation to me a few months ago. Keep ploughing through. I could throw a ton of cliches at you and you will roll your eyes, but they are true.

Time is a healer.

Things get better.

Keep going. 

More importantly, learn to accept and move on without a second glance back. 

24 Things I Have Learned From Love Island

1. There is no better relationship than Dani and Jack's.
2. It appears there are only 5 different types of boys. The "new" boys looked just like the "old" boys.
3. I still don't understand thong bikinis. They just look very uncomfortable and they are always picking them out of their asses. 
4. I need to do more squats.
5. Megan changes her man more than I change my bed sheets.
6. A lot of these girls are very insecure and I am glad to see it isn't just me. 
7. Laura needs to calm her tits. 

ITV2

8. I need to go to the gym.
9. Plastic surgery is more common than I thought.
10. Some boys take longer to get ready than I do. 
11. People get way too serious way too quickly.
12. Girls can be so nasty to each other. I say this after I just insulted Megan. Whoops.
13. I need more tattoos.
14. Georgia is great and deserves better.
15. Suncream is very important - see Dr Alex. 

ITV2

16. Danny Dyer naming his child Dani Dyer is still the best thing to happen ever.
17. Grace not making conversation with Alex was so very painful to watch.
18. Ellie is not a very nice person. Nor are her extensions. 
19. Not all guys treat girls like crap. Yes, Adam was bad, but look how nice Jack is!
20. Sometimes the most attractive guys aren't so muscly. Bring on the dad bod! 
21. I need to whiten my teeth. Badly. 
22. Kendall and Niall left way too soon.
23. ITV were so mean to Dani when New Ellie came in.
24. Jack's teeth are whiter than the sun.

ITV2

25. Old Ellie and Charlie must be related. They look so similar.

To The Girl I Used To Be

Why, haven't you changed. 

Are you shorter? No, of course not. You are skinnier. I am jealous. I would like to lose some weight right now. But it will happen when I want it to and that's OK.

So, things aren't too great right now. But, you are a lot stronger now than what you were. You have been through a lot and that probably won't change. You are thankful for the lessons you learned and the mistakes you made. 

You will most definitely not stop being ambitious. You did always want to do the next thing. Well, that hasn't stopped. I think it has actually gotten worse. You still want to walk before you can crawl. It's a good trait. It will get you places. 

Your self confidence has been knocked a bit. Based on previous experience of you now, that will come back. You are a tough cookie. 

You can't always be perfect. You are far from perfect. But you will learn to love the things you hate now. 

Let it out. Don't keep things in. Remember how you are right now? Not talking about things, acting strong, pretending you don't need help? Ask for help. It is going to take something big, like things have now, but you don't have to do everything alone. It's alright to say you are struggling. You will always struggle with something; whether that be your mental health, your confidence, your lifestyle balance. Just say.

Don't worry so much about what other people think of you. You can't make everyone love you, not matter how hard you try. You won't get on with everyone and that is OK. You will fall out with people, they will fall out with you. There are always going to be reasons for that. Accept them. Move on.

It's OK to be different. In any way. You go ahead and wear those Mickey Mouse shoes. Don't let anyone, especially a man, tell you that you can't.

Keep pushing and don't give up. I can tell you that giving up will get you nowhere. Whether that is in your work, school, university, friendships or relationships. You keep pushing for what you want. It will be worth it. 

You are not fat. Sure, you are a little chubby and probably overweight., but don't examine yourself in a mirror every five minutes. Don't cry silently in the changing room when a "normal" size doesn't fit you. It is just a number. 

You will make yourself proud. You will make your family proud. 

Forgive, but don't forget. Don't hold on to that grudge, it isn't worth it. Be Elsa and let it go. But don't forget that someone hurt you. You will value that later on. 

Finally, for the love of god, have fun! You will never be this young again, you will never have this much financial freedom, lack of responsibility or opportunity. Embrace it. Have a laugh. Do stupid things, you have time later on to be serious about everything. Enjoy your life whilst you have it because life is short. You have no idea when it might be taken away. 

Friends In All The Right Places

Happy Sunday to you.

I spent the weekend in the Forest of Dean on my oldest friend's hen do. After the last month, I definitely needed this girly weekend. I had such a great time! We did Go Ape on Saturday, something I have wanted to do for a really long time and I am super proud that I did it without falling off!

It was also great to unplug from my phone and social media for a few hours whilst we were dangling on ropes 15 feet in the air. There are some fabulous pictures and I can't wait to share them with the rest of the group! Although, I am really looking forward to spending some time working on myself, pictures really make you see what you actually look like (post to follow!).

The one thing I realised this weekend was that no matter how long you go without seeing someone, no matter how close or not close you might have been before, when you need the support friends will always be there. 

This weekend I got to reconnect with old friends along with making a few new ones. 

It was great to be able to disconnect from real life and spend a weekend forgetting about what I have to deal with when I come home. But it was equally great to be able to openly talk about what had happened and to get the support from people who care about you. 

I got to laugh about all sorts of things, have a couple of drinks, play some games and genuinely have some proper fun.

It has really opened my eyes to the fact that friends come in a variety of forms, but ultimately when you need them to step up, they will go above and beyond to make you feel included, supported and loved. 

So, to all the girls who were the reason behind the most true smile I have had in such a long time - thank you. 

There is always someone out there to love you. It might just be that at this present moment, that is your friends. 

Tiny Talk - episode five: Stress

Stress is one of those things than can come and go, be part of your daily routine, or just something that rarely happens. 

Unfortunately for me it is one of those daily routine things. 

I don't know why, and I don't know if I can even pin-point it to one individual thing - maybe it's part of university. That would probably make sense considering there has yet to be one day since September when I haven't woken up feeling stressed about something. 

If you are anything like me you will probably find it really difficult to deal with stress. I find myself getting really worked up, unbelievably intolerant of everything, and just generally becoming a horrible person to be around. 

I'm not even sure if anyone ever gets the same?

There are just those days where I wake up and instantly find that a tiny little thing can ruin my mood instantly. Maybe it's just because I'm female...are there any guys out there who get like that? 

I find that my pet peeves become the main focus when I get like this. I cannot stand the noise of someone eating with their mouth open or breathing heavily. I get instantly riled and have to move out the room if someone near me is doing either of those things. 

When I am stressed this gets a million times worse.

There are hundreds of different reasons why you might be stressed. Family problems, relationships, school or university, or even things to do with yourself might make you agitated.

When I get really stressed (as in I-have-an-essay-due-in-tomorrow-and-I-haven't-written-any-of-it kind of stress) I take refuge on my blog. Although that is usually counter-productive and I end up writing a 1000 word blog post instead of a thousand words on my essay, I end up feeling a million times less pressured than I did beforehand. 

I have also recently found that I take comfort in drinking numerous amounts of coffee when I am stressed. Considering I drink a large amount of coffee everyday anyway, this is probably not healthy. But when I am trying to be productive I think the idea of "healthy" becomes a fairytale.

I've also tried going out for walks. However, it's winter and I tend to do work at night so it gets a tad cold and dark. So instead I take a breather, light some candles, and sit looking out a window. I end up feeling a lot better than before, and usually (this being the operative word) I can manage to get something done after.

If your stress is based more around an issue, such as family or relationship problems, then you might want to take a different approach than my "avoid everything for as long as possible" idea. Try talking it through with the person, or people, involved. Even though I feel like such a hypocrite here because I find this really, really difficult, it works. 

Or if you're not feeling brave enough to come face-to-face with the person causing the stress, write a list. A list of anything. Pros and cons of the situation, why you feel like you do, things that make you happy, literally anything. Getting some emotion out on paper might make you considerably happier and feel like a weight has been taken off your shoulders. 

I mean, I should be doing work right this second but I took my avoidance approach and it worked! Onwards with my dissertation. 

What sort of things do you do when you feel stressed?  


Keep swimming!

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A message to you

Life can often get tough and throw so many things in your path

But when you get to a certain point you can stop and examine the aftermath

What you once saw as something bad can change in an instant to something better

And that is exactly what I want to tell you in this letter

No one lives forever, that is one thing we can be sure on

Your life will go by in a flicker and doesn't last particularly long

So say yes to opportunities as much as you can before it’s too late

Just try not to get yourself in such a state

That might end you in in some dodgy place or somewhere you don’t know

I've learned it’s always better to have a friend with you to go

To places and cities that never sleep

And create memories that you will never delete

To dance the night away and let things get mad

Personally, I don’t think that sounds too bad

Fall hopelessly in love and be completely reckless

Be happy and smile, and remember not to get jealous

Of people or things because it’s really not worth it

Just enjoy your life and revel in every single bit

Deal with your thoughts and things that cause you trouble

Be sure to allow some time for if you get in a muddle

Don’t let anyone or anything stand in your way

Of something that you want to do, it’s your life at the end of the day

Friends will come and go as much as they please

But it will be your family who will never leave

Be stupid and make ridiculous decisions

Be open not only to praises but also to criticisms

Do things for you and not for anyone else

They don’t have to live your life, only yourself

Don’t take shit from anyone and be true to you

And don’t be afraid to try anything new

Do things that scare you and don’t be afraid to cry

Don’t be afraid to say hello, but always be prepared for goodbye

Stand alone and stand together

And find the one who will be there forever

The one who stays with you no matter what may happen

That’s what life is all about, or so I imagine.

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Top 5: things to do by 2015

Recently, in between my many breakdowns, I have been having one of those reflective thoughts about life. I had a sudden realisation of "oh shit, it's already March", and I realised I have done essentially nout in the last 3 months of 2014.

I thought it would be a good idea to give myself a good kick up the ass and have 5 goals to complete by the time 2015 rolls around, which at the moment seems like it will be in seconds. My logic is that because it is documented, and you have all seen it, that you can all help make sure I actually do these things rather than just sit around and do bugger all. 

I've decided that none of these will include my university work because that is something that I actually have to do whether I like it or not. 

1. Write at least half of my book

Although this is something I have been keeping quiet, I have been working on writing a book for around a month now. It's taking me a fair amount of time to write it because of all my deadlines and other commitments that I have, but I am getting there slowly. I am not going to give you any spoilers because I'm a pain in the ass like that. Hopefully if all goes well I can show you some of it soon!

2. Go on holiday with my friends

I am not talking some huge-scale jaunt off to the Caribbean or anything, but a week or two away with my little group of buddies would go down a treat - I think we all deserve a break. Hopefully this is actually going to happen in June as we have been looking at places to go, so fingers crossed!

3. Lose some weight

Now I don't need to lose any weight as a rule, but I would like to just tone myself up a tiny but just for myself. This isn't to please anyone else, or even to attract guys or whatever, this is literally just because I want to feel a lot better in my own skin. Hopefully that will start over Easter and continue then for however long it takes.

4. Raise money for Cancer Research

You may or may not know that my mum was recently diagnosed with cancer. This news came just a few days after a close family friend died of the same disease, and we have had several family members and friends die because of cancer. A few years ago I ran the Race For Life in my hometown of Swindon, and hope that I can do something like this again.

5. FIND A MAN

I have come to the conclusion that single life sucks dick, and I am feeling a bit lonely. I have not had the best luck with men in the past, and it would seem that I have literally given up hope. So it would be nice to have a nice guy in my life in some way shape or form, but who knows?

So those are my goals for 2014, and I am actually going to work at achieving them considering they are now documented on the internet for the whole world to see....if that isn't going to act as motivation then I don't know what will.

What goals have you set yourself for 2014?

As always, thank you for reading! Don't forget to follow me on all my social media over on the right, and stay tuned on Lovelychubly for more posts coming soon!

Tiny Talk - episode four: 'no' means NO - consent

So this week I want to talk about consent and how saying "no" means no, but also talk about indirect consent etc. This seems to be a pressing issue at the moment after some attention on Twitter and YouTube surrounding some YouTubers. It seems this is a pressing issue, and is a serious area for concern. 

I expect many of you think of rape when people talk about consent, but in my eyes this can also include sexual manipulation or anything involving alcohol/drugs etc. I am lucky enough that I have never been in this situation, but I do know people who have, and have had to deal with emotional stress ever since. 

Something that is often overlooked is that women can manipulate men in to having sex with them too. There is a clear main focus on the fact that men are the ones who are always doing the manipulation etc. but I find that I know a lot more females who have done this than I do males. Although of course that is just people who I know. For example, the issue on how big of a factor alcohol plays in a situation like this can be serious disputed. In a university/college setting it is no secret that there is an extremely high alcohol consumption rate, and people very often have 'one night stands' - this is just simple common knowledge - but where should the line be drawn? 

There is also the issue of emotional or psychological blackmail and manipulation. Someone, be it male or female, may blackmail the other in to something by saying that they might do something to them if they don't have sex with them. I think this is also overlooked as many people seem to think that in a relationship, you are obliged to have sex with the person. This is not the case whatsoever. The other person may feel like their actions are justified and that they feel they are in the right, but if you feel like you're being forced in to something then don't do it.

Also, if a woman, or even a man, is dressed provocatively it does not mean that they are asked for sex or even to be raped. How someone dresses is up to them and does not then invite another person for sex just by that. This is something that infuriates me in this debate and is often something that is posed by narrow minded people. A persons dress sense does not dictate this whatsoever, and I find the point posed about this being an open invitation as completely devoid of any relevance. 

Although this post is entitled "no" means NO, a lack of consent doesn't have to be that direct. If someone pushes you away, or says they're not sure, don't go through with your actions. They may be doubting what they originally thought was something they wanted which acts as a form of indirect consent. Just because someone doesn't directly say "no", doesn't mean that they want to go through with it.

Well I say you are not obliged to do anything you don't want to do. Don't let someone force you in to doing something, whether it be sexual or otherwise. You are your own person and you have control on what you do with your body, or what you do not do with it. If someone threatens to break up with you, or tell people about you, then just get rid of them. They are absolutely no good to you, and are quite clearly only after one thing. Don't ever be afraid to say no. A healthy relationship doesn't have sex as the focal point - there are many other things that, when combined, form amazing relationships. No one has the right to tell you to do anything - do what only YOU want to do. 

If you are having any issues with anything like this, or you think you know of someone who is, then click here to be put in contact with someone who can help.

Thank you for reading, and stay tuned for episode five of Tiny Talk coming soon.

Tiny Talk - episode two: relationships

In some sense I feel slightly hypocritical dishing out advice on relationships. My view on them is somewhat tainted given my experience with them, but I guess you could say that I have been through rather a lot with them, so maybe I am a good person to ask for advice. 

So something that a lot of people ask me for advice on is dating; when should I date a guy/girl? When is it right to make it an official relationship? Can I date more than one person at once? A million and one questions always come flying my way, so I am going to attempt to make this column answer almost every question you could think of. 

I think society seems to frown upon the age of which it is seen ideal to start dating...the whole 'you have to be emotionally ready' thing I quite frankly see as bullshit. How can a society as a whole decide on when everyone is ready to date? It varies from person to person, which actually makes this question a lot harder to answer. So I would say that if you feel ready to date someone, then you go ahead! 

I think the issue of dating more than one person is something commonly exaggerated in society. There is a major difference between dating and relationships and the whole cheating thing. If you are only dating someone, I see no issue in dating a few other people along the way. It's when things start to get a bit more serious, and your feelings develop for this one person, that you should really stop to think about whether you should make it an exclusive thing. This is where issues of cheating come in to play. So just make sure both parties are on the same wave length about where you both stand before you see other people, or if you start to feel more for someone then let them know. 

This leads nicely on to when the right time is to make a relationship "official". This is actually something I have always struggled with, and I probably will forever contemplate when the right time actually is. I think it's one of those things where you have to sit down and actually discuss. In those silly high school relationships you don't really need to bother - if you actually end up with them for the rest of your life then you are either really lucky or you have essentially found the right person at the right time. But when it comes to adult relationships then you have to actually communicate, you know...that thing you really hate doing. You can't just wait for someone to be like "do you want to be my girlfriend?" anymore, because it simply doesn't work like that.

There also seems to be a lot of issues in relation to age gaps between people. I think this is something more of personal preference; for example, I tend to date guys who are older than me, but I have friends who date younger people etc.I think the question surrounds what the 'normal' age gap is before it gets branded as weird. I think this tends to affect people more whilst they are younger, in that a relationship between a 15 year old and a 21 year old may be seen as slightly wrong, but when that age gap is applied to people over 20 it doesn't seem so bad. There seems to be some sort of hypocrisy when it comes to age. Personally, I have a restriction on anyone 10 years older than me...which probably seems strange to my younger readers as you tend to date people the same age as you in school. But as you get older, age seems to become irrelevant. So follow your heart - if you like someone, then go for it regardless of their age.

Then comes the all important question that everyone wants to know the answer to...how do you know when someone likes you? I am possibly the worst person to answer this question but I'l give it a shot. I think it's easier to tell with girls because we will just flirt like hell in the hope that the guy will notice. All that eyelash fluttering, and touching, and bla bla bla. Yeah we all do it. Girls if you think you don't....you're lying...you do. I think it harder to tell with guys, because believe it or not, they get shy too! Most guys I think just think that replying to your texts relatively quickly constitutes affection...meh maybe it does...I'd be pretty chuffed if someone continuously replied quickly! I don't know....if they want to spend time with you then I'd say there is something there....God knows.

In slight relation...how do you tell someone you like them? Well as we all know I am a very blunt person, so I just tend to tell them...sometimes it takes a drop of alcohol for me to say it because (shockingly) I get nervous too! But I honestly think it's the best way to tell someone. Why beat around the bush and spend hours worrying over confusing mixed signals. The worst thing that can happen is they say they don't like you in that way and you move on from it. So just grow a pair and tell them! 

There is this whole thing that it is traditional for the guy to make the first move. Well I say fuck that. Why can't the girl make the first move? I think I am well-known in my friendship group to always be the one to make the first move. I don't see the issue with the girl asking the guy out for a drink or whatever. I do it all the time - not that I ask a lot of people. It's the same thing with my previous point...the worst that can happen is they say no. Or you can go out for a drink and find out that maybe you didn't like them as much as you thought and then you have had a good chat and a good drink. Winner! People need to stop thinking that this whole traditional ideology of relationships applies...because it doesn't. Whether you think that Prince Charming is going to come swooping by on his bloody unicorn pulled carriage, get down on one knee and propose with this 374839 carat ring, then do that whole movie-star kiss in the rain thing....no. Just no. That doesn't happen - sorry! Life isn't a Disney movie....make the first move or you might regret it. 

As a girl who has had an overall not amazing experience with relationships, I would quite like some sort of crystal ball to tell me when a guy is an asshole and when he is genuine. I think that a lot of girls, myself included, like this whole bad boy persona. Well I think it's time we all moved away from that...if they have that persona it's likely they're going to be one. For once in my life I think it's time I didn't get messed around and had a nice guy. So I think the one way you can tell if a guy, or a girl for that matter, is an asshole is if they don't pay attention to you. Don't get me wrong, my attention span can be shit a lot of the time, but I pay attention to little details. If someone doesn't pay attention to the things that you like, do, or mention then it's probably not worth it. You deserve someone who does those little things. They don't even have to be romantic things, but if they sit and watch a film you like instead of something they want, then I'd consider that a success. 

I think in relationships and dating you can get really drawn in and not know when the time comes to walk away. This is something I have definitely struggled with and now I look from the other side I sort of kick myself about how long I held on to something that was ruining me. I have major issues with being alone. I don't know why, but I always have - a shocker considering I spend all my time in my room on my laptop....But I think that you need to put yourself first in these situations. If you aren't happy in your relationship, and things aren't what they used to be then maybe it's time to walk away. It will be difficult, especially if you are close to that person and have been with them for a long time, but someone can only love you as much as you love yourself, and if you aren't happy then it sort of speaks for itself....Also if someone treats you like shit then just go. Just let it go and find someone who loves you for you and treats you like a prince or princess, because those people do exist. You always find what you're looking for when you stop searching.

My final point is how to deal with a bad breakup. Now this I can most definitely offer you advice on. 2 out of 3 of my breakups have been seriously hard on me, and in my last one I did the worst thing I think I could have done. I literally drowned myself in alcohol for 2 solid weeks and did pretty much nothing else. Now I would not offer this to you as a solution because it isn't healthy and I ended up being ill after. I didn't focus on the problem at hand, I just ignored it in the hope that it would go away. It didn't. In fact, I came out worse the other side of the drink to what I went in. So my solution is to get a load of friends around you, grab a shit ton of food, and stick on your favourite film. No one ever solved anything completely alone. Someone offered me some great advice when I went through mine - keep living until you are alive again. I have stuck to that ever since. So if you are going through a bad breakup, or know someone who is, just offer them that. It did me the world of good.

A piece of advice by my lovely chummy, Little Boots, is that misery loves company. So there is a fantastic excuse to have all your friends over!


I am going to stop now, because this Tiny Talk has turned in to a Tremendous Talk, so sorry about that.

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If you have any suggestions for the next episode of Tiny Talk, then click on the little email button over there and send me a message!

As always thank you for reading and I will see you tomorrow for a brand new post!

Byeeee!

Tiny talk - episode one: frenemies

I was thinking the other day that I might start a little daily series on my blog to essentially keep me sane (although that was meant to be the entire purpose of this blog in the first place...). I am hoping that this follows in the lines of Chummy Chatter by Zoella and Sprinkleofglitter where they just talk about things on their mind, or important issues. 

This is only going to be a small post I think - just a little something that's current in my life that I think might be interesting to you guys. But I will try and write these daily, each with a different theme. I will also be corresponding with Little Boots with our posts, starting tomorrow, so that you get two lots of advice and opinions - you lucky bunch!

So today's issue is frenemies. If you don't know what a frenemy is, it's basically one of those people who you could class as an acquaintance or someone surrounding your friendship group who you just don't get along with, or who bothers you in some way. 

I think this tends to affect people more in their teenage years when they are still at school, or when they're trying to make new friends at a new job, or a new environment. 

This is something I found particularly difficult to deal with in secondary school. I shan't go in to details on this, but it was all about finding out who my real friends were, and overcoming the fact I knew I would lose friends because of one person. It actually ended with me moving schools to start sixth form somewhere else because I didn't want to stay in an environment with those people anymore. Luckily this worked out really well for me, and I made a few life-long friends at this different place. 

I think it is always difficult, especially as a female, to ever trust people when it comes to friendships. There is always bitchiness and back-stabbing in most girl groups - it is just something you have to expect I think. But always remember that you will come out the other side a much better person having been through that experience. It won't seem like it at the time, and it sounds extremely cliche, but it does get better. You have to think about yourself in situations like this; if you aren't happy in a friendship group because of one, or even several members of it, then remove yourself. It will be difficult, and you probably won't like the abnormal feeling for a while, but it's worth it. Don't let a few people in your life bring you down. Especially don't let it affect your school work or anything like that, because you only get one shot at it. 

Don't go down the same dark hole I did and get completely caught up in the situation because you will make yourself ill. It's difficult to get back on track once you're that deep in, so please learn from my mistake and remove yourself and deal with the situation right away. You deserve happiness, and if that means losing a few people then you have to do it. More people will come along - you have a lifetime to secure friendships. I always thought I would be close friends with people from my school years, but in reality I now speak to only one of them on a regular basis, but a few more from when I removed myself from the first situation. 

So today's moral is: don't be put off or think too much if you don't get along with someone. You are your number one priority!


If you would like to suggest a new subject for Tiny Talk, or something you want advice on, then click one of my media buttons to the right and I will get back to you!

Tune back in tomorrow for more Tiny Talk!

End of year ponderings

I realised today that I have pretty much hardly blogged throughout December....sorry about that! Things have been hectic and very busy! I had a statistics essay due in which I ended up pretty much bullshitting my way through, and then I came back to my hometown and I have had work, and I could pile a massive load of excuses on to you...But I am here now, so hello!

Just a little side note for any of my regular readers who will probably know the ins and outs of the last few months: I do apologise for my lack of posts. Not felt myself in a while, and I found it very difficult to open up to anyone let alone the entire internet, but now all is back on track and I feel like I can get back to my old style again! 

Although I am jumping the gun a bit with this post considering it is only December 19 (probably 20th by the time I edit and publish this) but Christmas is always mental in my family, and I am heading on back home for New Year so I don't think you'll appreciate a hungover ramble about my night. So I thought that I would take now to look back on my year and just have a general chit-chat like I used to before shit got all serious. Sooooo, queue long and boring diary post!

I think the first thing I think that I have noticed a lot more in the last few months is that I am no longer a miserable bitch! Stop raising your eyebrows at me, I am the first to admit that for the last year I have been a right pain in the ass. However, now that there have been certain big changes in my life with things coming to and end, and new things beginning, I think I am a lot happier in general. I am not aiming that at anyone in particular as I know a few people will probably read this and question me, but hey ho. It has been noted that I am a completely different person to what I was at the end of 2012, and there are a few people that I can probably pin-point this to, but I shan't name them because that would take too long and most of you have no idea who they are. Maybe they can have a little dedication at the bottom. Who knows? So yeah, I am a happy person now. I think everything that happened a few months ago, although upsetting and annoying at the time, has contributed massively to my state of mind now. But that is a story for another day. 

I am going to take this little section to just say that in the last couple of months I have also found out who my really close friends are. I have always been one for having a larger set of friends and not really let anyone in too much to get too close. But recently I have discovered that I could probably count my close friends on one hand - a bit of a shocker for me to be honest. I think this is probably because I have really dodgy trust issues sometimes, and I just hate letting people get so close that would give them the option to hurt me (of which I have recently learned the hard way again) but I have started to let that go with the help of a few lovely people. Again, naming and shaming is not going to happen - sorry, guys! Basically I found that a few people who I had previously been friends with were all back-stabby and typical girl related shit. This is why most my friends are male; just a gazillon times easier. So yeah. Much love to the select few who put up with all my shit and still love me all the same (especially as I live with a couple of them). 

Trying to go through in my head what I wanted to say - finding it very difficult to put in to words without mentioning names and direct situations. 

I think the most important development in the last year, particularly the last couple of months, is that my relationship with my mother has come on leaps and bounds. In the past we have never seen eye to eye, and I have probably been the world's shittiest daughter with all the shit that I have put both of my parents through in the last 7ish years. To which I now hold my hands up and admit I have been crap. But since all this shit happened in the last few months, I have grown very close to her which is nice, and we get on pretty well now. I don't know where I would be without her now; I could probably say that I would not be sat here writing to you if she hadn't been there. So if she ever reads this: I love you lots. 

I think sort of post-September I have become quite close to a few people that have normally just been bog-standard friends. I don't even know if that makes any sense? But I am so freaking happy with how this year has ended in relation to that, and the people who are currently in my life are bloody amazing. I think they all deserve some extra brownie points for dealing with me! 

Apologies for the weird soppiness there. Also, let me know in the comments below if you want me to publish the little thing I wrote when I was going through a lot of shit. It's just a thing explaining my mindset, and I would probably work in some advice around it. So comment below if you want to see that.

I have also finally (sort of) managed to solve my career crisis, yay! If you read my blog a lot you will know that I went through what my housemate would call a "quarter life crisis". You can read about it here, it will probably be a good laugh for you. I have come to the decision that I might do an extra year at university and do a PGCE (Post Graduate Certificate in Education) and look in to teaching. Completely unrelated to my initial degree, I know, but I work in a school in my hometown and everyone always goes on about how I should be a teacher. I love working there so I thought that yeah I'd quite like to give that a shot. Thus my career crisis came to and end!

Oh, I also managed to get an amazing opportunity working at HMP Dartmoor with Story Book Dads which are an amazing charity who work with prisoners to help them maintain contact with their children through books. It is absolutely brilliant, and I will be doing a post on them in the new year so keep your eye out!

What else has happened this year? Oh, I finished my first year at university last May after several horrible exams and whatnot. I didn't fail so that's good! I also discovered that I can drink a hell of a lot of vodka...don't ask. Ermmmm, oh and my Grampy laughed so much that coffee came out his nose! I am also considering finally putting some videos up on my YouTube...thoughts?

I have also learned a very valuable lesson from the end couple of months of this year. Life is short. Seriously fucking short. Cherish everyone you have in it because one day you might wake up and they won't be there anymore. This applies seriously to your family, especially your parents. They are the only people in the world who will love you and be there for you no matter what shit happens. Everyone else has the option to walk away, but love from a parent is unconditional. If you take anything away from this at all then make sure it's that. 

To quickly add to that little advice nugget, something that has hit home this year is that we only regret things we don't do. I have taken on so many different things this year, and accepted opportunities that I would normally just let pass by me. Take my blog for example: 6 months ago it didn't exist. Now I am my own website with a lot of credit for my work behind me! So do something exciting, something you would normally be scared of. Fear is only as big as we allow it to be!

All in all, 2013 has been a year of some serious highs, but also some serious lows. Yet I wouldn't change anything for the world because I have come out fighting and stronger at the end of it and I can sit laughing at the people who fucked me around, or fucked things up. I can 100% walk away from this year thinking I have done the thing that is best for me, even if I almost didn't manage to come out of the entire situation. 2013 went way too fast, and it seemingly showing no signs of slowing down - I don't like it!

Here is a little summary of my last year in one picture:

Some images courtesy of Jay Stone 

I have some awesome plans for 2014, kicking off with a trip over to Amsterdam (obviously for culture and not to spend the entire weekend drunk......) and then some pretty cool things for my blog too! I am hoping that next year will be better than this one. 

Think I will leave it there for now. Apologies for the scattered nature of this post, I think it kind of reflects my mind a little at the moment. 

As always, thank you for reading and I hope to see you all again soon!

Have a lovely Christmas everyone, and an even better New Year!

Love you all, bye!

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Life advice part two

A few months ago I shared with you a few snippets of things that I thought were good advice for any struggling teenager at the moment. Since then, a lot has happened, and I have had to endure a really bad few days. I was feeling extremely shit about myself, blaming myself for something that has happened although it wasn't my fault, and I haven't eaten properly in a few days. It hasn't properly hit me until now, and I'm genuinely having a bit of a breakdown here! 

I then decided to do something I have never done before, and that was to reach out to my mother. For anyone who knows me, you will know that this is a big deal for me as I never reach out to anyone, especially my mother. This forms part one of my life advice for you. I have not been one to reach out to anyone, ever. I do not take advice, and I do not listen to people even when I know they are right. After this incident, which I will not mention simply due to the fact that I am still angry over it, I think I am starting to learn my lesson. I actually have opened up to people and admitted that I should have listened. So this is piece one of advice for you. Do not be afraid to open up to people. If, like me, you have a problem opening up for whatever reason, then work on it. It has taken me 20 years, but I think I am finally starting to make a change to how I am. Especially with my mum. I very much doubt whether my mum would agree with the fact I think I have changed, but I do see it in myself in little things. But that is just matter of opinion.

My mum sent me a link to a YouTube video (which you can view here) which issued some extremely good advice. The video itself was taken from an article written in 1997 by Mary Schmich (you can view it here). I think this really offered something that reached out to me - which is again saying something because I am absolutely shit at admitting that I need help. So I am going to base my advice on this article as I don't think I could have given anything better. If this helps me, then I am damn sure it will help you. 

Disclaimer: anything written in italics after this notice is of quote of the author (Mary Schmich) and not of the author of this article. Thus, anything other than this is of opinion of the author. 

The first part of her article says this: 

"“Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. In 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t quite grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine”

"Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly."

This I think applies to a lot of teenage girls, and girls around my age. I think that a lot of girls these days have the mentality that they need to look perfect and airbrushed. I have come to accept the fact that absolutely no one is perfect. I mean NO ONE. You may think all these models are perfect or whatever, but you look behind the Photoshop and the airbrushing and the makeup, and they are just normal people like you and I. My advice to you based on this is not to get caught up in all the media attention on this ideology of "perfection" because that only exists in a fantasy world. Go enjoy a million Nandos, go snack on a fucking doughnut. Who cares?! I would much rather be happy enjoying a meal than eating fucking rabbit food. Would you not? Life is far too short to try and iron out every single imperfection. 

“Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum”

For any of you who has the ultimate joy of knowing me, you will know that this is a very weird piece of advice for me to be giving you. To be honest, this is a hypocritical thing for me to even be saying, but hey ho (in case you're wondering, I am the biggest worrier about the rest of my life). That statement is so accurately true that it is kind of scary. Worrying about things that you don't even know will, or will not, happen is probably the most pointless thing you can do in life. There is no point in worrying about something that is above and beyond your control. I should probably start listening to my own advice, shouldn't I?

"Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours."

This is probably the most valuable piece of advice I took from this entire thing. Having recently had my heart completely fucked about with, it really hit me. I wish I had been given this advice sooner. It would have saved me a lot of pain and heartbreak, I tell you that. Now, ladies, listen to this advice. No matter how much you may think someone means to you, or you to them, as soon as they fuck up once, get out. I do not mean this in a harsh way at all, but once something is broken it cannot be fixed. You may think you can stitch everything back together, but after a while cracks begin to show. If someone is fucking you about then they don't care about you as much as they say. Remember: you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

"Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone."

Just so everything isn't so fucking heavy. Drink milk. Lots of it.

"Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future."

If you take away anything from this amazingly long ramble, then take away this. Your parents are not going to be there forever. Seriously make the most of them whilst they're there. I have friends who no longer have both parents, and it really makes you think. I know when you're a teenager you say you "hate" your parents and that you wish your friends parents were yours, bla bla bla. I am just coming out of that phase now and I am starting to see what a fucking idiot I used to be. I never treated my parents the way they deserved to be, especially my mum, and that is something I will regret until the day I die. However, I can now begin to make amends. If you are a reading this thinking it is all a load of shit, then I bet that you're a teenager. Take it from me, I was the world's worst teenager, and I am telling you. You definitely appreciate them more when you move out and have to be independent. So listen.

"Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young."

This is something I wholeheartedly stand by, and I will for a very long time. Out of everyone who I have been friends with throughout secondary school, I have had one friend who has been there for almost 20 years now (hi, Laura, if you read this) and I probably owe a lot to her. But then you have the friends who you might not have known for many years, such as my university friends, who you feel like you've known a lifetime. Then you also have the school friends who stick by you no matter what, too. I am lucky enough to have a few extremely close friends, you know who you are, which has been proved to me recently. But just always make the effort with people. 

"Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it."

This is the advice I am going to leave you with - advice on advice. Not many people these days are willing to give out advice, so seriously listen when people take the time to do so. At the time it may seem like they're just being a pain in the ass, or they have taken a particular dislike to someone, but 99% of the time they're going to be right. They only have your best interests at heart, you know.

As always, thank you for reading and I will speak to you next time!

Toodle-oo!

Also want to do a quick special mention to the people who have put up with my tears and tantrums over the last few days: Vikki, Josh, James, Daisy and Milky who have been the main people the last few days and have even managed to cheer me up. Also to my mum who has put up with me for 20 years and not killed me yet. So much love for them. So this post is dedicated to you guys. 

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