Tiny Talk - episode three: feeling lost

This episode of Tiny Talk I think can relate to a few different issues that people encounter over their lives. From choosing GCSE's and A Level's, to deciding if you want to go to university, or even if you are having a career crisis like myself.

Life throws many different problems and decisions your way, and only you can decide what is the right choice for you. I think feeling lost is an issue that a lot of people seem to face around the 20 year old mark, unless you're super organised and you have got your life together somehow. I kind of envy those people; I am so indecisive that I change my mind about what I want to do, or where I want to go, every single day. One day I can feel like I know exactly where I am in life, then the next I could be borderline breakdown because I will feel so lost. So if you are at university or college, or you are about to be going to something like that, just remember that you don't have to follow the line of your degree or course after you graduate. It's not the end of the world if you choose to do something completely different - who cares as long as you're happy?!

If you are feeling lost and you don't even know why, then believe me I know that feeling too. Some days you just wake up and get that feeling that you just have no idea what you're doing with your life, or why you are where you are. The only advice I can give for that is to just ride it out - which is exactly what I am doing. There have been times where I have wondered why the hell I am doing what I am doing because I am just not enjoying it. But I keep thinking that at one point I thought this was a good idea and that it would benefit me in some way in the future - so why should I give it up now just to probably regret it later on in life? Always stick something out until the end, because you only regret the things you don't do. 

At the same time, if you're feeling lost in relation to something you're doing e.g. a university course, or your job, try a new way of doing it. Whether this be handwriting some things instead of being glued to your laptop 24 hours a day, or switch up your daily routine. Doing things differently can reignite your love for something that you thought you had lost. 

Alternatively, just do something you love! If you're feeling lost, just stop and do something that you know you enjoy doing. I do this with my blog. If I feel down or lost, I come straight here and just do some writing, whether I publish it or not, because I love it I feel a lot better. Try this with reading, or if you can draw go doodle something. A long walk can always solve any problem too; it's great for reflecting on everything, especially if you live down by the sea like I do. Grab your iPod, or a friend if there is one nearby, and just go for a stroll. 

I hope that this helps anyone feeling a bit down like me, and if you have any more tips then leave them in the comments below.

As always thank you for reading, don't forget to subscribe and click all my social media links over to the right.

See you again next time for episode four of Tiny Talk!

You can read Little Boots' version of this HERE.

Life advice part two

A few months ago I shared with you a few snippets of things that I thought were good advice for any struggling teenager at the moment. Since then, a lot has happened, and I have had to endure a really bad few days. I was feeling extremely shit about myself, blaming myself for something that has happened although it wasn't my fault, and I haven't eaten properly in a few days. It hasn't properly hit me until now, and I'm genuinely having a bit of a breakdown here! 

I then decided to do something I have never done before, and that was to reach out to my mother. For anyone who knows me, you will know that this is a big deal for me as I never reach out to anyone, especially my mother. This forms part one of my life advice for you. I have not been one to reach out to anyone, ever. I do not take advice, and I do not listen to people even when I know they are right. After this incident, which I will not mention simply due to the fact that I am still angry over it, I think I am starting to learn my lesson. I actually have opened up to people and admitted that I should have listened. So this is piece one of advice for you. Do not be afraid to open up to people. If, like me, you have a problem opening up for whatever reason, then work on it. It has taken me 20 years, but I think I am finally starting to make a change to how I am. Especially with my mum. I very much doubt whether my mum would agree with the fact I think I have changed, but I do see it in myself in little things. But that is just matter of opinion.

My mum sent me a link to a YouTube video (which you can view here) which issued some extremely good advice. The video itself was taken from an article written in 1997 by Mary Schmich (you can view it here). I think this really offered something that reached out to me - which is again saying something because I am absolutely shit at admitting that I need help. So I am going to base my advice on this article as I don't think I could have given anything better. If this helps me, then I am damn sure it will help you. 

Disclaimer: anything written in italics after this notice is of quote of the author (Mary Schmich) and not of the author of this article. Thus, anything other than this is of opinion of the author. 

The first part of her article says this: 

"“Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. In 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t quite grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine”

"Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly."

This I think applies to a lot of teenage girls, and girls around my age. I think that a lot of girls these days have the mentality that they need to look perfect and airbrushed. I have come to accept the fact that absolutely no one is perfect. I mean NO ONE. You may think all these models are perfect or whatever, but you look behind the Photoshop and the airbrushing and the makeup, and they are just normal people like you and I. My advice to you based on this is not to get caught up in all the media attention on this ideology of "perfection" because that only exists in a fantasy world. Go enjoy a million Nandos, go snack on a fucking doughnut. Who cares?! I would much rather be happy enjoying a meal than eating fucking rabbit food. Would you not? Life is far too short to try and iron out every single imperfection. 

“Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum”

For any of you who has the ultimate joy of knowing me, you will know that this is a very weird piece of advice for me to be giving you. To be honest, this is a hypocritical thing for me to even be saying, but hey ho (in case you're wondering, I am the biggest worrier about the rest of my life). That statement is so accurately true that it is kind of scary. Worrying about things that you don't even know will, or will not, happen is probably the most pointless thing you can do in life. There is no point in worrying about something that is above and beyond your control. I should probably start listening to my own advice, shouldn't I?

"Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours."

This is probably the most valuable piece of advice I took from this entire thing. Having recently had my heart completely fucked about with, it really hit me. I wish I had been given this advice sooner. It would have saved me a lot of pain and heartbreak, I tell you that. Now, ladies, listen to this advice. No matter how much you may think someone means to you, or you to them, as soon as they fuck up once, get out. I do not mean this in a harsh way at all, but once something is broken it cannot be fixed. You may think you can stitch everything back together, but after a while cracks begin to show. If someone is fucking you about then they don't care about you as much as they say. Remember: you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

"Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone."

Just so everything isn't so fucking heavy. Drink milk. Lots of it.

"Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future."

If you take away anything from this amazingly long ramble, then take away this. Your parents are not going to be there forever. Seriously make the most of them whilst they're there. I have friends who no longer have both parents, and it really makes you think. I know when you're a teenager you say you "hate" your parents and that you wish your friends parents were yours, bla bla bla. I am just coming out of that phase now and I am starting to see what a fucking idiot I used to be. I never treated my parents the way they deserved to be, especially my mum, and that is something I will regret until the day I die. However, I can now begin to make amends. If you are a reading this thinking it is all a load of shit, then I bet that you're a teenager. Take it from me, I was the world's worst teenager, and I am telling you. You definitely appreciate them more when you move out and have to be independent. So listen.

"Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young."

This is something I wholeheartedly stand by, and I will for a very long time. Out of everyone who I have been friends with throughout secondary school, I have had one friend who has been there for almost 20 years now (hi, Laura, if you read this) and I probably owe a lot to her. But then you have the friends who you might not have known for many years, such as my university friends, who you feel like you've known a lifetime. Then you also have the school friends who stick by you no matter what, too. I am lucky enough to have a few extremely close friends, you know who you are, which has been proved to me recently. But just always make the effort with people. 

"Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it."

This is the advice I am going to leave you with - advice on advice. Not many people these days are willing to give out advice, so seriously listen when people take the time to do so. At the time it may seem like they're just being a pain in the ass, or they have taken a particular dislike to someone, but 99% of the time they're going to be right. They only have your best interests at heart, you know.

As always, thank you for reading and I will speak to you next time!

Toodle-oo!

Also want to do a quick special mention to the people who have put up with my tears and tantrums over the last few days: Vikki, Josh, James, Daisy and Milky who have been the main people the last few days and have even managed to cheer me up. Also to my mum who has put up with me for 20 years and not killed me yet. So much love for them. So this post is dedicated to you guys. 

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Life advice

Hello there, buddies.

Well I was thinking about what sort of thing to write today and I got slightly distracted by pondering life...like you do. Then I thought maybe I could make my ponderings into something on here. So that is exactly what I am going to do!

I thought that it might be fun, and good to read for you guys if I take some things I think and chuck them on to you. Sort of like an advice column...but in one place. 

After chatting to the lovely Sam about this post, it was suggested that I make this a sort of weekly segment. I don't know about you, but I quite like this idea. So, next week I will be doing an advice post on relationships. As this is a blog based on you guys, I want you to send me in questions or things you want advice on. You can do this either by Tweeting me @LovelyChubly or commenting on this post. I will use every question, and include some of my own advice snippets, so get them in! The closing date for that will be Friday September 6 at midnight so get your questions in by then!

Anyways, ramble over.

As always I will just rant and ramble and hope it ends up in one block that makes sense.

DISCLAIMER: everything in the following is of the opinion of the author and is under no circumstance applicable to every reader.

Here we go!

Things always get better
I know this is something that people say all the time, but it is seriously true. You have to remember that no matter how low you feel, there is always time for things to get better. Nothing is instant, and most the time you have to work at it yourself, but things will always be brighter at the end of it. I can pretty much guarantee that you either tutted at me or rolled your eyes at this first one. If you are then I can probably also say you have never been in the position where you are just rock bottom...so you are one lucky person. Just always remember to keep strong and chin up. Improving things can only be done if you want them to happen, so doing anything can literally help that. Anything from writing (like I do) to taking up a new hobby could make you feel ten times better in minutes. Give it a try - what have you got to lose?

Don't be a fucking idiot
This sounds harsh, I know. But sometimes you think something might be a good idea then you look back several years later and the whole "what the fuck was I thinking?" thing comes up. Well here is a secret life hint from me to you: don't be fucking stupid, moron. I wish someone told me that like 4 years ago, so you might thank me for this in a few years. There are some things in life that you will just thing "yes" straight away, well just think before you do something.

Appreciate what you have when it's there
This can apply from anything from material things to people. Nothing last forever, no matter what you think - it really doesn't. You never want to look back on something and think "why the fuck did I not treat them/it better". Material things, and especially people, should be appreciated for what they are. Time flies by and sometimes some things can be over before they have even really started, so don't be an asshole. 

Listen to yourself
Most people will tell you to listen to your heart, but I am saying your heart is an asshole, so don't do that. Listen to your instincts, and always go with the things you think of. Go full pelt in to something, if it doesn't work then hey ho. My thoughts are: if you decide something else, then you clearly didn't want the first thing at all. If you are making decisions then use this tip: flip a coin - you will be able to see what you want that way. I am not being vague, that is literally how it works. Only you can know what you truly want - don't listen to anyone else because they are probably idiots. Sorry.

Embrace every new opportunity
I think this is just a given really. Just learn to say "yes" more. As someone who doesn't like to move from her comfort zone much, I can tell you that you will probably regret not saying yes to things. I am not talking stupid and illegal things, I am saying things that you wouldn't get offered normally. An example of this for me is this blog you are reading. I was terrified of starting this and it is so out of my comfort zone to write my thoughts down for people to see. But I did it, and now look! But then again I have you guys to thank for that, not myself. Basically, don't turn down things that could really help you out.

Don't be afraid
This links in with the point above - don't be scared to do different things, and just don't be afraid of life in general. There isn't a lot of time to be scared in life. You don't get anywhere in life by being scared.

Be cheeky
I think I am slightly labelled as cheeky by my friends, but you don't get anything without being a little bit cheeky! This stands for anything I guess from people to little things like writing and whatnot. I am just cheeky in general, so be a little bit cheeky - it might get you somewhere.

Stand up for yourself
Don't get someone else dictate to you about something you believe in. If you think you are right, or you really believe in something, don't let people tell you that you should think or do something else. I get told all the time that I shouldn't be a writer or even have a blog, and yeah it gets me down for a while, then I think "fuck them" and get straight back to it. If you love doing something then screw what everyone else thinks! 

Save money
As someone who is quite bad at saving money, try and find something to save for and go from there. I am currently saving up to go travelling in Australia, so I am generally quite good at it. I wish I had saved more money from my old job, but I didn't because I am stupid. So this is probably the most important snippet in my entire post, and you should really listen to me here, folks! Money does make the world go round, and you can't do anything without it. 

Do something
Do something with your life. Don't just sit around and think that things will get handed to you, because they don't. To be honest, it doesn't even matter what it is - whether you start a blog, do some arty stuff or even something else, just do something. You never know where it could end you up.

Be confident
I feel like a bit of a hypocrite telling you this as I am not exactly a confident person myself, but in the last few years I think I have got slightly better. Being confident is quite a good trait to have, I think. This is all about being confident in yourself and then other people can see it. I am ten times more confident in myself than I ever was, I think I just came out my shell a bit after a long time of feeling shit about myself. So just tell yourself little things and soon enough you will feel better.

Don't be cocky
This goes hand in hand with being confident - don't get overconfident and get cocky. It is just unattractive and unappealing.

Don't be a doormat
I am guilty of doing this sometimes, but don't let people walk all over you. This works with the stand up for yourself thing. Stick to your morals, don't give in to peer pressure, and stay true to yourself.

Use common sense
I think this is self explanatory?

Don't over-think things
Like your heart, your brain is also an asshole. You can tend to ponder on things for long periods of time (like I do) then you can be all like "what the fuck" about something that seemed perfectly normal and fine 10 minutes ago. Try not to do this because otherwise life will just get so overly complicated and then you'll panic about everything and trust no one. Which sucks.

Accept advice
This is still something I am learning to do. But take advice from people who know better than you, and accept what people have to say.

Listen in school
This is something I continuously tell everyone I know who is still in compulsory education - I would be nowhere if I didn't get good grades at school. You might not think it is "cool" to be smart (if you think this then you are just fucking ridiculous) but it seriously is. I cannot have a conversation with someone who thinks they are above education. In an economy like this one, you need the best grades you can to get a job - so don't fuck your education up.

Not everyone is going to like you
You can't please everyone in life, and some people are just going to be bitchy. You will probably encounter some serious asshole in life, so remember to not get pissed off or upset by them if they give you shit. Chances are you are a million times better than them in the first place.

Don't try to understand people
This I think is another given that people are just ridiculously confusing? Do any of you think this, too? Maybe it is just me. But my ultimate life tip is to not try to understand everything about everyone because you could probably turn this in to some big mathematical theory and then just go crazy doing it.

You can't be good at everything
As a bit of a perfectionist, I sort of find this a bit of a daily struggle. Something I am trying to come to terms with is that there is no way I can be good at everything. This was more in school where I was really good at English and whatnot, but pretty shit at maths. So if you can learn to accept that there will be some things you will need help or extra work with then you probably will be a much better person than I am.

Don't be afraid to ask for help
I am bad at this. But if you take one thing from this post then take this - asking for help doesn't make you weak! This can literally be about anything. It will probably help you out more than just struggling on your own.


Ok so I am going to stop because this is probably not what any of you want to read.

Please remember that these things are taken from aspects of my life, or of the lives of the people around me. They may not apply to you so don't go nuts at me!

If you enjoyed this post then don't forget to click "Join This Site" to see more of me!

As always thank you for reading, and I shall see your lovely faces tomorrow!

Toodle-oo!

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