As my second year at university is fast coming to an end, it has occurred to me that I really need to start paving out a career path or at least have one in mind as a goal to work towards. So I sat myself down and had a little think about where I wanted to be in life in a few years time. It was at that point where it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I have no idea what I want in life.
I don't know about you, but that seriously freaked me out on so many levels I'm not entirely sure I can portray it all in words. I thrive on the fact I need control and a considerable amount of forward planning in my life; if something is written down on paper it has to be done. This is probably what pushed me towards my little breakdown at approximately midnight tonight - clearly the prime-time for a meltdown as the noise outside my window seemed to echo my thoughts.
Considering I spent a few years before I ventured to the big mess that is university, and sat down and literally planned out on paper the next few years of my life, I don't think I could have got it more wrong. At that stage of planning it included getting decent A Level grades (done!) and passing my driving test (also done!), and finding my Prince Charming (still pending). And then it came down to the big daunting word of university. My 16 year old self freaked out probably a fraction less than my current 20 year old self is doing now 4 years down the line. What did I want to do at university? What job did I really want in the future? What would get the most pay? What am I really good at?
This is where I wish my 20 year old self could intervene - there is one question that I completely ignored and didn't even think to ask myself:
What do I love doing?
I feel like if I had asked myself that question I wouldn't be sat here at 1:15am freaking out about what I am going to do this time next year when my university career comes to an end.
My 16 year old self realised I had always been interested in law. Naturally I selected this as one of my A Levels and was pretty happy when I became actually quite good at it, with my teacher saying to be one day that I have "the brain of the lawyer" (although I am not too sure whether that is a good thing or not...).
The first year of my A Levels dragged but soon it was exam time. I excelled in my law and psychology exams, and did average on my French and English literature exams. It was at this point where I took the drastic decision of changing my mind from dropping French to dropping English literature. This is where my 20 year old self would most likely drop kick my 17 year old self. I continued doing law, French, psychology and also picked up a dissertation style project counting as another A Level. I ended up coming out of sixth form with the grades BBBC. Although these are pretty good grades, and I got more than enough to get into university, I still wasn't happy.
After hours upon hours of trawling through endless websites about degrees I found myself torn between two: LLB Law, and Bsc(Hons) Criminology and Criminal Justice Studies. At first I had my heart set on a law degree which I could then expand on with the graduate training programs and soon be a fully qualified lawyer.
Reality check time.
It wasn't that easy, and I soon discovered that it is almost impossible for that to actually happen. So I moved on from that dream. I realised that 80% of my law A Level focused on criminal law so it seemed only logical do take on a criminology degree. I passed my first year with a high 2:1 after getting two 1st's in my end of year exams and so I continued on to my second year.
That brings me to today - May 2 2014 - and I am only now realising that I am an idiot. Before you say it no, I am not being harsh on myself. I realised that I neglected to ask myself that one question 4 years ago which would have spared me a hell of a lot of anger, tears, and frustration.
I had thrown away my dream because I thought it would go nowhere.
I had always loved writing; by the age of 10 I had a published poem and I had always been scribbling down little stories on scrap bits of paper. I got my first computer (way back when they were as big as an apartment) which at the time had only Microsoft Word, Paint, and that crappy pinball game on it. I found myself quickly learning to touch-type in order to write multiple stories on my new pride and joy.
Here I am now, almost 21 years old using my blog as a place to vent to a load of people on the internet who probably don't care about this endless rant about my life and want my old posts back. I started this blog almost a year ago to rant to anyone who would listen to me, but I found that it reignited my love for writing and I am now working on an original novel.
Why am I not perusing this as a career after university? Why do I keep letting my dream float out the window? What can I do to figure all this out?
That is currently my state of mind - a never-ending list of questions rolling around in my mind just waiting for someone to answer them. It seems I am not the one to answer them considering I can't even figure out what I want for breakfast in the morning. So if anyone could actually help that would be great.
I need to figure out what I want in life, and why on earth I chose to do this stupid criminology degree instead of something to do with writing. Maybe I should also figure out why I am such a mong at the same time, or create a revolutionary cure for cancer, or discover that there are actually blue polka-dotted frogs on Pluto. I mean, is it too much to ask to be a somebody?
As always thank you for reading, and I promise once these dreaded exams are over that I will be publishing more frequently again.
All my social media bits and bobs are over on the right at just the push of a button - don't be lazy like me, click them!
I will speak to you lovelies soon.
Hello there, buddies.
The other day I watched a clip about an economist (whose name escapes me) and he was talking about the differences between interests and passions in relation to failure and success. This clip really got my mind buzzing and I turned to my friend saying that I really need to blog about this sort of thing. So...here it is.
Now I think that there is a clear distinction between something you are interested in, and something that you are passionate about. However, the person who was speaking in that clip said that you cannot be successful by pursuing something you are simply interested in, yet not passionate about. This is something I think I am going to chat about today.
It was also said that you have to be successful to have a 'great' career. Now I say to you, what makes a 'great' career? I think that anything that provides a stable income and something you enjoy doing is a great career. I don't know what your opinions on this would be, so please do tell me in the comments below. The idea of a great career is clearly subjective, and most likely is going to change depending on the outlook of a person and what they enjoy. Also, the status of a career is going to change whether it is viewed as good or great. For example, my dad is a firefighter, a career that many people see as great. From someone who has an inside view, I would say that this would be 'good' career based on the theory provided by the economist. This is because he risks his life on a daily basis, doesn't have a high income, and is most likely something that my dad is not 100% passionate about (although others would disagree). However, someone who has an outside view would view this as a 'great' career because of this heroic stigma attached to it.They are often sensationalized as people who saves lives - which of course they do - but what people always tend to forget is that they put the lives of others before their own...and thy get paid pennies to do it. People idolise the likes of football players (who get paid over 30 times more what my dad gets in a year) who just run around on a field for a while chasing a white ball and over-exaggerating any contact they get. These types of people are passionate about what they do, yes, but they only made a career out of things by luck - nothing to do with being passionate. I would label my dad's career as 'good' because of the sheer fear that comes along with it - would you think that it is great wondering whether your dad is OK after tackling a blazing fire?
The thing is, it was said that something you are only interested in basically means you are doomed for failure? Do I agree with this? No, I do not. As someone who doesn't have a passion, this basic theory means that I am doomed to fail in life. Now this is just ridiculous. I have very high aspirations for myself, but in something I am only interested in. Does this mean that I will just spend the rest of my life failing at anything I go for? I think not.
I think it is irrelevant as to whether you are interested in something, or passionate about it, whether you succeed in it. If you are driven enough, know the right people, or have the right attitude then you will succeed. Interest and passion play no role in that.
I would say I am only interested in the subject that I am studying at university, yet I am hoping to have a career in the subject. I also have got relevant experience in it, and a once in a lifetime opportunity in this area without being passionate about it. Do you think I am going to fail simply because I am only interested in it?
The economist is suggested that no external factors play a role in whether you succeed or fail in life, and that it is driven simply by the desire fabricated by a severe interest in a certain thing. Take my blog for example. I wouldn't quite describe my blog as my passion as I find it quite easy to stop blogging for a while and turn my attention to other things; the same can be said about my degree. Someone who is passionate about something can only focus their main attention on that one given subject, without being able to voluntarily cease their involvement in it.
Would a passion mean that I am more likely to succeed in life? I do take two opposing views on this...First of all, it might help me along my way because of the extent of drive it would enforce in me. I would be likely to continue to pursue what I am doing out of pure interest and the desire to succeed because of how I felt about the said subject. But on the other hand, I feel that I don't need to be passionate about about it to get to that level of success. I can see the opinion of the economist, yes, but what I do not understand is why it is viewed that passion overrules interest. Surely you have to be interested in something for it to become a passion? Whether this interest is furthered to become a passion is down to the perceptions of the person involved. Just because they don't develop that strong attachment to it that develops in to a passion, doesn't mean they cannot be successful in that field.
I think that passions are a good thing to have, yes. But I think it's rare that you can find something to be that attached to. Some people have passions and go far in life, and some even become famous, but some people just aren't that lucky. For example, me! I am never going to be famous or crazy successful because I am just not that lucky - but that is a post for another time!
I think I need to draw this all together now; I seem to have rabbited on a bit too much, sorry! Long story short, I don't think people should be made to feel bad for the fact that they don't have something they are passionate about. If it were that people weren't successful because of the fact they haven't got a passion for something, then 90% of the world would be unemployed. I think it's more valuable to have multiple interests than to have one single passion so you can keep your options open and have several different talents. People who focus on more than one thing are probably more valuable in the long run. I don't know, that is just my opinion. Maybe I am biased because I don't have a particular passion? I don't know.
Anyway, enough from me.
I want to know your opinion. In the comments below, tell me what you think about the whole "passions vs interests" thing. If you have a passion I want to know why you have one and how it came about. If you don't have one, then I want to know the things you are interested in, why you're interested in them, etc. Basically, what draws you to the thinks you love?
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As always, thank you for reading!
Talk to you soon, lovelies.
