Dissertation?...DISTRESS-tation!

Well, it has been a while. 

Where have I been?

Writing a freaking dissertation. 

There are not enough words in any dictionary to express how much writing my dissertation has stressed me out and make me hate words. Actual words. Especially "euthanasia", "death" and "treatment" - as you can tell, I am writing an extremely uplifting essay...

As I sit here tapping away on my keyboard, the sun is shining, birds are singing, and it's warm. 

Yet here I am. 

Tucked away in my room doing this freaking dissertation and munching away through an entire punnet of red grapes and listening to Disney World park music, pining for the next 132 days to go quickly. 

Thrilling, eh? As is final year life. 

Considering I have typed 11,000 words - and done some nerve damage to my elbow in the process - I am feeling more stressed than I did about 6 months ago when I first put pen to paper to plan this bloody thing. 

This dissertation (or dissy for short, said preferably with a slightly unimpressed tone of voice) is restricting my (totally non-existent) social life, critical EastEnders viewing time, and most importantly...food time, which now often occurs after midnight.

All I want is a few days to play Sims, where dissertations do not exist (yippee!) and eat cheeseburgers without getting fat. Is that too much to ask?

I actually just purchased a stress therapy colouring book and a set of colouring pencils. Don't judge me. I am in no way artistic, and I can barely draw a straight line with a ruler, but colouring is just so therapeutic for me. So I have that to look forward to. Yay, procrastination!

I keep thinking that I see the light at the end of the tunnel with a huge Domino's pizza, an even bigger Ed's chocolate milkshake, and a lot of Netflix. 

Then something bonks me on the back of the head, sending my hurtling head first back to reality and I realise it is in no way over.

May 21st cannot come soon enough; no more dissertation, no more placement, and no more law exams. 

As soon as I come out of that exam I am getting in to bed and only moving to pee. 

Maybe once everything is over I can post some things about how to succeed at university. Maybe I will actually get my mind together and work on the USG. If you don't know what that is then you'll just have to keep coming back until you find out. 

As much as I adore you all, I am completely procrastinating now and should be getting back to my dissertation. 

If you have any tips to help me unwind, or ideas of things to do when university is over post them in the comments below!

Toodles!

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The Tea Monologues | Part 1

Well. Where do I start?

You know, it took me over an hour to decide on what to call this post. To be perfectly frank, I can see myself changing it yet again before I am happy with it. 

I feel like it has been a while since I have let my guard down on my blog. I've been so caught up in university work that I have forgotten to leave time for my mind.

It's been one of those times. The ones where you don't really want to talk to anyone, but you feel like you might explode if you don't. Know those feelings?

I recently invested in a "Line a Day Diary". A five year journal giving me approximately 20 words (handwriting size dependent) on how my day has been, what I have been feeling, what I have been doing. Not so surprisingly the word "procrastination", or forms of it, seem to scatter the last...26 pages.

I really need to work on my procrastination.

Yes, I have a Frozen Starbucks mug. Don't judge me. No, it is not coffee (for once), but tea. Hence the title. Get it? Ayyyyy. 

Right now I am feeling a bit shit. As I look over to my wall and see my planner hanging there, all smug with its complete fullness of dates, meetings, deadlines, and placement days. I am starting to realise how busy I am going to be. There are little dots scattered, annoyingly very close together, showing me when I should be doing things. It is now I have discovered that I have only 1 free day a week. A Saturday. Of which will be spent in bed, not moving, and probably snoring. 

So I have a little under four months left at university. Four months. Shit. 

I am starting to enter that little pre-existential crisis phase again. I am feeling very anxious, permanently a little sick, and very jittery. 

It is dawning on me that this time in a year, or even 6 months, I could be anywhere doing anything.

But what I will be doing is bugging me.

There is a little voice in my head telling me to put myself out there, apply for everything. Then there is the louder, more strong voice reminding me of how scared of rejection and failure I am.

I found myself putting together a (not so) little Travel Bucket List, seemingly out of comfort - or procrastination, depending on how you choose to look at it. Do I want to travel? Yes. Can I afford to travel? No. Dammit, student loan.

Maybe I will wait a little longer to decide on my fate for the next few years.

I have been finding comfort, and possibly slight procrastination and admiration, in Will Darbyshire's YouTube Channel (of which I have linked, take a look). It appears we think in a similar manner; he just has the confidence to film his thoughts, whereas I babble on here.

This leads me to you. How are you? What have you been doing? Looking very lovely today!

Tell me, what is your main goal in life?

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University life lessons

I am coming up to my last few months at university, and they have absolutely flown by. It genuinely feels like just yesterday I was in the car driving down to Plymouth for the first time, a tad teary at the realisation I wasn't going to see my dog every day (don't judge me), but also incredibly excited at the prospect of moving away and being on my own. 

I have learned a lot in my three years at university; and not just about my course! Mainly, I have learned a lot about myself as a person, as a friend, and as a writer. 

There have been some largely significant ups and downs over the last few years, but in typical cliché format I wouldn't change a thing. 

For anyone going to university, it is inevitable that you will go to university as one person and come out the other side another. Your likes will change, you will find new intolerances, you may even decide that you don't want to work in the field you have studied.

I am going to share with you my main life lessons I have discovered in my three years.



Leaving your work to the last minute is stupid, even if you manage to do it.
Believe me. I did it last year; going 3 days with a few hours sleep just to write a few essays that you should have done months before really isn't worth it. No night out, or wholehearted procrastination is ever worth mastering sleeping with your eyes open.

The library is your friend.
Although I feel slightly hypocritical for writing that, is really is. I am not a massive fan of the library (for some reason it just isn't a place I can sit and do work), but it is somewhere with thousands of books which can answer that essay you have been mulling over for days. 

So are your lecturers. 
Over the last year or so my lecturers have been a massive help. Whether this be with actual uni work, or just someone to rant to when things are getting a bit much. They have your best interests at heart. Even if you might not like the way they teach, or their voice makes you want to fall asleep in their 9am lecture, they will do their best for you. Make sure they know you (and for the right reasons!), and you will get something good out of that

Budget your money - your loan isn't the lottery.
Your loan might look like free money to you. If you're like me, your loan only just covers your rent and you don't get a grant or a bursary, then you'll know what I mean. Keep an eye on how much you spend, and where you're spending it. Always make sure you have money for food. That litre of vodka might look appealing, but when your morning hangover comes and you have no money for food to nurse yourself back to health, you'll be thanking me!

Try new things.
Although uni is all about getting your degree, it's also about discovering who you really are. Try something you haven't tried before (and no, I don't mean going to get smashed off your face, or ending up as a massive heap on the floor because you got too high last night!). I mean try a new sport, take up a new hobby, or even try a different food. Experiment with the good stuff!

Don't be afraid of failing at something.
Behind every success story are many failed attempts at getting it right. Don't be too bummed if you don't get the grade you wanted on an essay, or if something you wanted to work didn't go quite right. You will get there!

You have lectures for a reason.
Yes, 9am lectures suck. No, you probably don't want to go. Yes, you probably should go. Especially if you plan on passing your degree, lectures are normally the best way to go about it.

Stick it out - it'll be the best thing you do.
This applies especially to something I called the "second year itch". The jump from your first year to your second year is quite big, and it doesn't normally tend to hit until just after Christmas. Believe me, it'll be shit. The only thing you will want to do is go home, curl into a ball, cry a little, and then never go back to uni. Don't. You pay a lot of money to get that degree, so stick it out until that final moment. It'll be worth it, I promise.

People come and go; focus on what matters.
There will be people over your time at university, and even life, who won't be your friend for the entire 3 years. That just happens, and there is nothing you can do about it. Focus your attention on those who do stick around, and keep that end goal in sight.
Do your research.
This is both on your degree choice and for your coursework and exams. I didn't do masses of research regarding my degree (I chose it as I didn't think I was good enough for law...turns out I am), and feel like I made the wrong choice. I learned that doing something I loved doing would have been a lot more fulfilling than doing something I am good at. In the long run, being good at something won't always get you anywhere, whereas enjoying something would make you stick at it wholeheartedly. 

A diet of beans on toast and pasta isn't that great.
I don't really like beans anyway, but please don't live off things that take 5 minutes to cook. Keep a balanced diet. You'll get to the end of your final year and wish you didn't end up putting on loads of weight (believe me!).

Don't be pressured into anything you don't want to do.
This applies universally to anything at uni. If you don't want to do something, or go somewhere, or be a part of something, then don't. Saying no is better than regret. 

Think for yourself.
Although in some ways it can be good to be influenced by people, make sure you make your own choices. Take a step back and think whether you honestly think something is a good idea.

The sky is your limit.
I am aware that this is the biggest, and crappiest, cliché in the entire world, but it really is true. If you want something and you are determined enough to do it, then why should anything stand in your way? 

Nothing is handed to you on a plate.
Despite many people's views on university, you have to work really hard for everything. You won't suddenly get a first if all your essays were written hungover, hours before the hand-in time. Don't get complacent with one really good mark, because that doesn't mean you are automatically given another high grade. Work your butt off.

You don't need alcohol to have fun.
This is something that I am currently finding out. Having a night in binge watching Netflix and ordering a pizza really can be a lot of fun. Some people don't quite understand this (I still get a hell of a lot of drama because I gave up drinking), and you will get shouted at and pressured into drinking. If you don't want to, then don't. If you do want to, then go ahead! But not having a hangover for months is amazing!

When things get tough, keep going.
Things will be thrown at you left, right, and centre all throughout your degree. Things at home might not be great, things at uni might not be great,  and situations with your friends might not be great. Take my advice and throw yourself into your work. It acts as a distraction and you end up doing a lot more without procrastination. 

You get out as much as you put in.
If you don't bother with your work and prefer to go out 5 nights a week, you'll end up with shitty grades. If you find a good balance between work and play, and realise that your work should be a priority, you will excel. 

Know your limits.
It can be easy to get carried away with things (believe me, I wish I knew this last year...) and you can go slightly off track. Learn where your limits are, and try not to pass them.

Plan your time well.
Get a wall planner and actually use it. Mine has been the best £3 I have ever spent. 

Have a goal.
It doesn't matter how big or small your goal is; being able to work towards something gives a great feeling of satisfaction when you reach that goal. 

Don't worry if you don't have a life plan.
This is also something I wish I realised this time last year. People still pester me, and family ask me all the time, about what I plan on doing when I graduate. My honest answer? No bloody clue. For all I know I could go on a mission to Mars (not going to happen). I don't know what I will be doing this time next week, let alone this time next year. Learn to brush it off and don't feel pressured.

Be open minded.
Don't shun something just because it's not something you would normally do or like. Just because it's not honestly "you", doesn't mean that it won't work.

Do what you want to do.
Don't do something just because someone tells you - that includes going to uni. If you're doing something for someone else then you're just going to fall at the final hurdle. If you do something for yourself you will go a million miles.

Don't be afraid to take a break.
Don't be afraid to throw your hands up and admit you need some time to yourself; that doesn't make you a failure. I found this out last year when I actually went home for a weekend (the first, and so far only, time this has happened). The time away from your uni work will probably do you good.

Feeling down is OK.
It's fine to feel a bit crap about stuff once in a while; it's only natural. Grab a cuppa, throw your favourite movie on, jump into bed, and don't move. You will feel thousands of times better.

And finally: don't panic.
Breathe. Find a way to relax. Keep your head above the water. If you feel like you're sinking, try not to panic, and ask for help. There is nothing you do that can't be fixed in some way.

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Things students really think

1. Let me just set this alarm for my 9am lecture.

2. Ok, maybe multiple alarms.

3. Ergh, just 10 more minutes!

4. Oh...it's 8.30...back to bed.

5. Zzzzzzzzzzzz...

6. Is it socially acceptable to drink before midday?

7. It'll only be one drink though...

8. Right, maybe I need to do some work.

9. What's this "library" building I keep walking past?

10. As long as I get over 40% I'll be fine.

11. Fuck it, I'll take the 40%.

12. But I promise myself that I won't leave it until the night before again.

13. Shit. Hello, all nighter.

14. Ah, coffee. You old friend.

15. AND IT'S IN BEFORE MIDDAY!

16. CELEBRATORY DRINKS!

17. This was such a bad idea.

18. Can't afford to eat, can afford to drink!

19. But I'll only take a tenner out, and spend nothing else.

20. *dancing wildly drunk* Life is gooooooood!

21. * screaming at your best friend* I LOVE THIS SONG! I LOVE YOU GUYS! I LOVE EVERYTHING!

22. *drunkenly stumbles home and passes out*

23. I hate everything.

24. I am never drinking again.

25. Oh, balls. I had a 9am lecture....I'll go next time. 

26. Casual drinks?...Oh go on then. 


For anyone who has been to university, or who is there at the moment, I expect that this sort of rings a few bells. There is nothing better than waking up in the morning, admitting you are never drinking again, and then going out the following night. 

Get used to it, kids. That's uni life!



Keep swimming <3

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Degree dilemma

As my second year at university is fast coming to an end, it has occurred to me that I really need to start paving out a career path or at least have one in mind as a goal to work towards. So I sat myself down and had a little think about where I wanted to be in life in a few years time. It was at that point where it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I have no idea what I want in life.

I don't know about you, but that seriously freaked me out on so many levels I'm not entirely sure I can portray it all in words. I thrive on the fact I need control and a considerable amount of forward planning in my life; if something is written down on paper it has to be done. This is probably what pushed me towards my little breakdown at approximately midnight tonight - clearly the prime-time for a meltdown as the noise outside my window seemed to echo my thoughts. 

Considering I spent a few years before I ventured to the big mess that is university, and sat down and literally planned out on paper the next few years of my life, I don't think I could have got it more wrong. At that stage of planning it included getting decent A Level grades (done!) and passing my driving test (also done!), and finding my Prince Charming (still pending). And then it came down to the big daunting word of university. My 16 year old self freaked out probably a fraction less than my current 20 year old self is doing now 4 years down the line. What did I want to do at university? What job did I really want in the future? What would get the most pay? What am I really good at?

This is where I wish my 20 year old self could intervene - there is one question that I completely ignored and didn't even think to ask myself:

What do I love doing?

I feel like if I had asked myself that question I wouldn't be sat here at 1:15am freaking out about what I am going to do this time next year when my university career comes to an end. 

My 16 year old self realised I had always been interested in law. Naturally I selected this as one of my A Levels and was pretty happy when I became actually quite good at it, with my teacher saying to be one day that I have "the brain of the lawyer" (although I am not too sure whether that is a good thing or not...). 

The first year of my A Levels dragged but soon it was exam time. I excelled in my law and psychology exams, and did average on my French and English literature exams. It was at this point where I took the drastic decision of changing my mind from dropping French to dropping English literature. This is where my 20 year old self would most likely drop kick my 17 year old self. I continued doing law, French, psychology and also picked up a dissertation style project counting as another A Level. I ended up coming out of sixth form with the grades BBBC. Although these are pretty good grades, and I got more than enough to get into university, I still wasn't happy.

After hours upon hours of trawling through endless websites about degrees I found myself torn between two: LLB Law, and Bsc(Hons) Criminology and Criminal Justice Studies. At first I had my heart set on a law degree which I could then expand on with the graduate training programs and soon be a fully qualified lawyer.

Reality check time.

It wasn't that easy, and I soon discovered that it is almost impossible for that to actually happen. So I moved on from that dream. I realised that 80% of my law A Level focused on criminal law so it seemed only logical do take on a criminology degree. I passed my first year with a high 2:1 after getting two 1st's in my end of year exams and so I continued on to my second year.

That brings me to today - May 2 2014 - and I am only now realising that I am an idiot. Before you say it no, I am not being harsh on myself. I realised that I neglected to ask myself that one question 4 years ago which would have spared me a hell of a lot of anger, tears, and frustration. 

I had thrown away my dream because I thought it would go nowhere.

I had always loved writing; by the age of 10 I had a published poem and I had always been scribbling down little stories on scrap bits of paper. I got my first computer (way back when they were as big as an apartment) which at the time had only Microsoft Word, Paint, and that crappy pinball game on it. I found myself quickly learning to touch-type in order to write multiple stories on my new pride and joy. 

Here I am now, almost 21 years old using my blog as a place to vent to a load of people on the internet who probably don't care about this endless rant about my life and want my old posts back. I started this blog almost a year ago to rant to anyone who would listen to me, but I found that it reignited my love for writing and I am now working on an original novel.

Why am I not perusing this as a career after university? Why do I keep letting my dream float out the window? What can I do to figure all this out?

That is currently my state of mind - a never-ending list of questions rolling around in my mind just waiting for someone to answer them. It seems I am not the one to answer them considering I can't even figure out what I want for breakfast in the morning. So if anyone could actually help that would be great.

I need to figure out what I want in life, and why on earth I chose to do this stupid criminology degree instead of something to do with writing. Maybe I should also figure out why I am such a mong at the same time, or create a revolutionary cure for cancer, or discover that there are actually blue polka-dotted frogs on Pluto. I mean, is it too much to ask to be a somebody? 


As always thank you for reading, and I promise once these dreaded exams are over that I will be publishing more frequently again.

All my social media bits and bobs are over on the right at just the push of a button - don't be lazy like me, click them!

I will speak to you lovelies soon.

10 ways how to procrastinate like a pro

Hello there, buddies!

If you know me you will know that I am extremely good at procrastinating. I also always fall to doing my work the last minute after procrastinating for about 2 months then panicking. I am pretty sure this applies more to uni students, but I did this at A Level also, and it could apply to GCSE's; listen up kiddies! So without further ado here are my awesome 10 ways how I procrastinate.


1. Sit down to do work, write the title, have a break.
I am guilty of doing this. All the time. I always get the motivation to do my work then sit down to do it, write only the title and poof, motivation gone. I have no idea why this happens but it always does. Then I do it consistently for 6 weeks then realise that my essay is due in the next day. Then do it again for a few hours and then finally write it.

2. Tidy your entire room, including your wardrobe (even if it is spotless).
Yes, I do this also. My room is usually relatively tidy, but when I have work to do it looks as if a bomb has hit it. I will find any little tiny thing to tidy - including the pins on my pin board. Then I will go through my entire wardrobe sorting it out in a bid to make everything tidier. Gah this sounds like I have OCD - I don't. Deary me. I need a life.

3. Watch an entire TV series.
Last time I needed to do an essay I ended up watching an entire season of Man V Food. Then True Blood. Then Desperate Housewives. Then realised that I should do some work. But didn't do work - oopsie. I also stopped watching Eastenders in a bid to stop doing work, but now I actually like it and I still watch it. Oh well. This way has probably been the reason that I didn't do as well as I could have done on a couple of my essays. So I would recommend that you do this one carefully, haha!

4. Have a nap.
Yup, you read that right. Grab some shut eye! Even if this is a good method of procrastination it can actually help. I know, I am actually trying to help now! Sleep can help refresh your brain which means that you might actually be able to write your essay when you wake up.

5. Browse the internet.
Another one which I fall victim to all the time. Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Daily Mail, 9gag, BBC iplayer - all reasons why I don't ever get anything done. It's all technology's fault. Stupid modern times. Stupid brain getting sidetracked by everything.

6. Start a blog.
I started my original blog (on Walt Disney World in Florida) as a means of procrastination. I spent like hours a day doing research for it - I still do with this blog, but it requires slightly less research. Starting a blog is also a great way to let off steam. I know what the first year can be like; new home, new people, stress of living on your own bla bla bla. So you can write all your feelings down on a blog and feel so much better about it! Just try not to let it get too much in the way of your work, because you won't get anywhere if you don't try!

7. Download a new app and play it for hours.
This happened to me and Temple Run 2, Fruit Ninja and Fall Down 2. Jeez, they are so addictive. Well done, app creators. This can be seriously bad, as you can see. I played Temple Run 2 continuously for like 2 hours 4 days before my essay was due in. Whoops. Don't follow in my footsteps, dudes.

8. Organise your work.
I know that both Vikki and I do this. When our final essays were due in, our work was in a much better condition and was all filed away than what it had been throughout the entire year. That is awful, isn't it?....Wow. This procrastination tip can work both ways: it means that you aren't doing your work, but you are organising it at the same time. Yay!

9. Go shopping, buy a new video game, play it for hours.
Two tips in one here, dudes. Going shopping is a great break, but a great procrastination tip. I did this, then went to buy a new game (in the form of Roller Coaster Tycoon 3) and then continued to play it for about 12 hours before realising I had an essay due in. Genius, Danielle, absolutely wonderful. I still managed to get the work done though. Impressed? You should be,

10. Panic about not having done your work.
I have been victim to doing all of these in one go, then done this one right at the end. This is the worst one I think. It means that your brain goes into "holy shit" mode and you will never get anywhere and will never get anything done. So try and chill, buddies.


Having now said this, I am shocked I passed my first year....

Disclaimer: I am not promoting not doing your work! Please make sure that you actually do your work!

If you do any of these, or have any different ones then leave a comment in the box below!

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That's all for now, so speak laters.

Toodle-oo!

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University withdrawal symptoms

Hello there, buddies!

I miss uni :(

I genuinely think I am getting withdrawal symptoms from being there.

For all of you who haven't been to uni yet or just simply don't plan on going this is the sort of thing I mean: you live on your own (actually with friends) for an entire year. This means you can do what you want, when you want. You have all this freedom to do absolutely anything at absolutely any time. For instance, ordering pizza at 3AM (yes, I am guilty of this). You can go out without worrying about waking people up when you get in, or the fact you have to be home by a certain time. I used to stay awake all night then sleep most of the day, and I would have friend round until 6AM. So much freedom!

Then you come home.

Don't get me wrong, seeing my family is nice. But I miss my freedom. I have to live under someone else's house and (slightly) follow their rules. My parents are pretty chilled about this shit to be honest. I still get to do what I want, the when I want is a bit more restricted but they get that I am getting older now and I have my own life. So they don't make me do stuff like be out of bed early like they used to. But, at the end of the day, it isn't my own house or flat. 

Being home also means I need to get a job. I have been quite lucky in that I have managed to get myself 3 jobs for the summer, one being in the area that I want to start a career in when I graduate uni. I have been very fortunate in this, but having been unemployed for a year, going back to work was a shock!

I am also finding myself having a weirder sleeping pattern to what I did when I was at uni. I am going to bed at around 2AM - this is considerably earlier than when I was at uni - but sometimes waking up at like 8AM. For anyone who hasn't experience university life, this will seem probably normal to you, but let me put this in perspective. At uni I sleep from around 5AM until 1PM on an average day, not including days when I am hungover or being lazy (most days). This weird adjustment to working life has messed around my body clock. Weird. I am going to have to readjust come September when I toddle back down south. Oh dear.

My alcohol intake has considerably decreased. Ok, lets address this first. In the first term of uni (September-December) I would be going out for an average of 4 nights a week (don't judge me). Second term (January - March) it decreased a lot as I had a lot of essays and stuff due in so we are looking at about once or twice a week. And in the last term (up until May) I went out like twice. My alcohol intake varied each night. Some nights we are looking at 3/4 of a bottle of vodka....other nights more, other nights less. So my intake was rather a lot - me and my liver no longer are friends. Since I have been home I have been out twice involving alcohol. This was not a normal night out, it was more of a social event with some friends. I am slightly concerned that I am going to become such a lightweight when I am back at uni. Freshers week will be interesting.

I gained several addictions whilst at uni. These were Pepsi max, coffee, tea, chocolate digestive biscuits and curry. Stop shaking your head at me, I am unhealthy. I have already been told I am not to drink any more coffee for a few weeks as it got to the point where I was getting no rush from it anymore. My parents don't really buy Pepsi Max so I am having to try and stop my addiction. Not working. I am shaking like mad all the time. Oops.

I am also getting withdrawal symptoms from my uni friends. Sad face. Having gone from seeing them every single day without fault, to not seeing them at all sucks. God, I am such a loser.....The only contact we have is Facebook, Twitter and text. Bet you're thinking "why don't you just go see them then?". Well, my friend, this is a slight problem as they are all scattered around the place. Panic not, I am organising something, so I won't be a sad mess for much longer.


I am starting to think that this should be diagnosed as some kind of medical condition. All my friends are like "we need to get back to Plymouth", "I am bored of home", "I miss uni", so it is not just me, ok? 

Okies I think I should stop this little rant because it is starting to get out of hand.....

Don't forget to subscribe to my blog and use all the buttons and whatnot to your right to follow me on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Instagram, Tumblr bla bla bla. You know the drill.

Speak to you tomorrow! 

Toodle-oo!

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