Note to self | #1

Recently I have been feeling quite down about the way I look. I don't know why, and I don't know why it even started. I think it has been one of those things that has been building up for the last few years. 

I have decided to talk about it on my blog to see if I am the only one, or whether some of you guys reading this might be feeling the same way. I've turned it into a little series where I can just vent about what I am feeling, not sugar coated, just cold, hard truth.

The other day I found a picture of me about 6 years ago. I was slim, toned, and about a size 8. I am now the opposite of those things. I have a bulky stomach, several chins, and my thighs are huge. I joke that I am growing into my winter coat, when really all I want to do is tear away at my skin chunk by chunk and throw it away.

As much as I know this is all down to myself, I also contribute this to several bad break-ups, a lot of drinking, and really bad and unhealthy lifestyle choices. I know that weight is just a number, and I feel like such a hypocrite for posting this because of how I try to make other people feel positive about these sorts of things. But there is only so long you can really bottle things up for.

It has gotten to the stage where I can't even look in the mirror at myself above my shoulders (thank god for my strategically placed mirror), and I end up swamping my body in several layers of clothing. 

I don't feel good about myself. I think I look disgusting, there is nothing nice about the way I look that is natural. 

I take massive pride in my make-up and perfecting my hair. But this has become almost a mask for me to hide behind.

I can honestly say I haven't been happy with the way I look for about 5 years now. 

I have tried about 4 times to kick-start a diet, a new workout routine, or even to starve myself completely (yes, I am well aware this was an absolutely stupid idea).

I feel like I am in a dark place, and I am getting better at hiding it. My smile and jokes have just been a cover-up when all I have wanted to do is cry for hours every single day; I just can't seem to help it.

Since I stopped suppressing the way I felt about my body and sat down and carefully thought about it (even if that did result in tears), I have somehow put myself in a more positive mindset.

I have made a few smaller changes in my life, which are gradually leading to bigger ones. I stopped drinking; I reduced the amount of fast food I was eating; I reduced almost all sugar from my drinks; and I removed some of the small things that were making my feel bad about myself. Even if that included people. 

Tiny steps lead to bigger strides.

I am hoping in the next few months that I can kick myself up the ass and get back to working out, whether this be on my own, or with one of my friends. 

It has taken me a few years to get in the mental state where I feel ready to conquer the way I feel about myself, and get back to the happier, self-confident person I was back then.

I know it will take time, and luckily time is something I hope I have a lot of.

I am still not entirely sure whether I will post this or not. I usually try to refrain from making my posts too personal, and writing my honest feelings down was really hard. No doubt I will get some negative comments, but hey ho.

I hope that I'm not the only one who feels like this. Maybe I could have an online work-out buddy to help with everything. Who knows?


Keep swimming.

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The point of exams?

Having sat through hundreds of exams in my lifetime, be that SATs, GCSE's, A Levels, University exams, pre-job tests, and general tests and exams throughout school, I have started to wonder what exactly the point of these exams are.

After watching THIS video, these thoughts just got even more structured.

What exactly is the main point of an exam? It’s not really a test of what you know, it’s more of what you remember. Ever had an argument and remembered a great comeback a few hours later? This is what an exam is like for me. No matter how hard I study, revise or force myself to attempt to remember things, I get a mental block spanning the length of my exam and end up more stressed than I was before I sat in my seat.

This sort of thing really hit me when it came to my GCSE Maths exams – although this was a good 5 or so years ago, this definitely still applies to exams today. I physically cannot do maths at all. As soon as I see a sum or equation, each separate number merges into one and I usually end up angry at myself or in tears. I managed to just scrape though my GCSE Maths with a C, and I still wasn't happy.

Although maths is a compulsory subject until the end of year 11 (16 years old) in the UK, surely there will be a massive change and gap between those who have minds more orientated towards numerical reasoning, to those with a more verbal and literal brain, such as myself.

On top of this, about 99% of things you learn for an exam have no application in the outside world. How many times have you had to use something you learned in maths in your school years? Yes, I get that some professions might actually use all of these things, but not everyone who goes through school will become an engineer.

Personally, I find literacy exams a bazillion times easier than anything with even a single number in. I can write for days about almost anything as long as I have a tiny bit of background information on it. Want me to write about the hidden meaning of a poem I have never read before? Sure, give me 10 minutes to read it. Want me to write about the history of a country I have never heard of before? Cool, just give me a few basic facts. Want me to fill a book with absolutely anything that comes into my head? Fantastic!

How can exams expect to test absolutely every individual who passes through the education system in a fair way? Like me, one person might be academically good at one sort of subject, and then be less than average on another.

This also applies to those who excel at art. Take my sister for example. She has an incredible eye for art, and can draw absolutely anything in a matter of hours. In fact, I am going to include some of her artwork below.

She claims, although I dispute this to a certain extent, that she struggles with slightly more academic subjects. This actually ended up stressing her out in her GCSE’s last year, because she excels at art, she didn't think she would do as well in her other subjects.

Although I understand that the introduction of subject choices in GCSE’s allow this to be slightly eliminated, and doesn't massively affect anyone until they can completely choose every subject for A Level exams, this doesn't stop the stress, pressure, and general being a pain in the ass of exams themselves.

Anyone who knows me will probably be reading this either shaking their heads, or feeling a bit confused as to why I am writing about exams because I “got good grades”, “passed my exams”, and “have nothing to complain about”, but that didn't come without a lot of hard work, stress, tears, and me being general all round hell.

Why should exams put so much pressure on one person whilst they’re still young when it’s very rare a job you apply for 10 years down the line won’t bother to ask for them, or only ask for a select few grades? Or when they become less of a fair exam and more of a memory test? Or when they don’t test you fairly based on which way your brain processes information.

There is so much pressure on kids these days to get good grades, to get good jobs.

The truth is that you don’t need a degree to do something you love, being good at something and enjoying every moment of it will make you richer than money ever could, and a good education doesn't make you better than someone who doesn't have that privilege.

The world is your oyster, so don't let a random letter next to a subject define you for the rest of your life. If you enjoy something, go and do it. 

The sky is the limit, and no one is going to stop you.

So, what do you think? Could exams be more individually orientated, do you think they’re fine as they are, or maybe you think that everything I have said is just a load of crap.

Keep swimming,

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Reasons why summer sucks

Everyone always seems to rave about how "awesome" summer is, and how they "can't wait for it to get here" because it's the "best season of the year". Frankly, I think that's just completely mental. How anyone can look forward to the summer is completely beyond me. Now, before you blast me with a million reasons why I am completely wrong, let me tell you that I have plenty of reasons to hate summer, and that I'm not being a summer Grinch. So this is my reasoning as to why summer simply sucks. 

Butterflies
Those horrible, winged balls of death have to be the worst thing about summer. They just fly around like they own the place, and then seem to take pleasure in dive-bombing my face. That is just not cool. Thank god they seem to go extinct in the winter months.

School holidays
Everything gets overrun by screaming, hyperactive kids. Not to mention teenagers who are too cool for basic manners. Don't get me wrong, we've all been there, but the older I've gotten, the more I find them infuriating. Summer means they're just everywhere.

Wasps
Me and wasps have an awful track record; they sting me, I end up swallowing them, they lead to injuries, bla, bla, bla. Bees are fine because those little things just want to get on with their lives, but wasps are evil little shits. 

Sleepless, stuffy nights
Summer always means that my room transforms immediately from an igloo to a sauna. I need a fan on continuously to prevent my room from melting in to a lump of material. It also means it's pretty damn impossible to sleep, and I like my sleep.

Hay fever
Anyone who doesn't suffer from hay fever will just never understand why we kick up such a fuss. Itchy, red, streaming eyes, persistent coughs, runny noses, and continually sneezing are all signs that you're approaching hell. If you don't suffer from hay fever then you should feel lucky!

Light mornings
On your day off, the bright light pouring through the curtains bang on 5am is so freaking annoying. At least during winter the sun finds some manners and doesn't appear until around 7.30!

Sticky heat
There's just no break from any sort of heat. If it's abroad then chuck all the heat my way, but UK summer heat is just honestly the worst.

Everything moves outside
As someone who doesn't particularly like the outside, summer is particularly annoying as absolutely everything suddenly becomes an outdoor activity. I am perfectly happy indoors where pollen cannot attack my eyes, and panes of glass separate butterflies from my personal bubble.

People going on holiday
Whilst some of us are in dire need of money and spend every day working to get it, others are off gallivanting on fancy holidays. Just to make matters worse, all their holiday photos get plastered all over social media websites, and I get instantly jealous.

Long days
Although some people find this great, when you're trying to sleep because you have work at 9am, and the sun is yet again pouring through the curtains it kind of sucks. In winter it gets dark at a more acceptable time of 3pm, so when you need to sleep it's possible.

Beds become too hot
I have that weird need to have to be completely covered by my duvet at night - it freaks me out that any part of me would be completely exposed to the scary night monsters. Summer is the worst time for this; I end up facing a huge nightly dilemma. Do I risk being eaten by crazy monsters, or boil to death under my duvet? I still can't decide.

Constant sweat
Everything gets completely uncomfortable; the smallest activity causes your body to imitate Niagara Falls, and everything needs to be peeled off. Yuck.

Melting makeup
Summer just makes me begin to resemble a waxwork left out in the sun. I mean, how exactly am I meant to be appealing to guys looking like that?

Thigh chafing
This is both a product of my not-exactly-thin frame, and summer. But it doesn't happen in the autumn/winter time, so clearly it's all summer's fault.

Bikinis
This definitely relates to the above point, and sucks equally. But also because some people wear bikinis that just aren't pleasant to look at, or queue the appearance of the green eyed monster. Fun, fun.

Hot drinks aren't cool
I am a huge fan of hot drinks, particularly coffee, and I drink multiple cups a day. When it's hotter than the sun outside, this becomes a teeny bit of an issue. Screw you, summer. I need my coffee.

Grass
Hay fever. Grass. Cutting the grass. Urgh.

Bright, sunny days
This is particularly annoying when driving and the sun pummels your eyes through strong sunglasses. I mean, there is absolutely no need for it!

Teenage girls
I must hear "best summer ever" come from groups of teenage girls more than 5 times a day. You say it every year, how can it be the best summer when next year you'll be saying the same thing. Flawless logic.

Steering wheel burns
I have an old car. Old cars don't have air con. I work in a cafe in the middle of a field. This means a lot of sun exposure. This is a little bit of a killer combination. The amount of times I have gone home with burned hands is ridiculous. 

Always being presentable
I hate having to always look good - girls, this means having to have silky smooth legs. Maintaining that is hell. At least in winter your legs are covered by multiple layers of clothing.

Lack of air con
We, as Brits, don't have air con in our houses; we have extreme heating. So when it gets warm we tend to melt a tad. 

Camping
I cannot comprehend what enjoyment someone can get out of sleeping under a sheet of plastic. Especially in summer when it turns into a portable greenhouse. Then there's glamping...what?...

Netflix days are frowned upon
Sitting on the sofa with headphones on, watching an entire season (or two) of a TV series seems to not be the norm in the summer. I am not sure why.

Winter seems an age away
A petition to shorten summer, and lengthen winter pretty please.


So there is why I don't enjoy summer.

What is your favourite season of the year, and why?

What's summer like where you live?

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The price of travel?

ITV2 has recently announced a new TV show in which Tom Daley goes backpacking around the world. Now, don't get me wrong, I do love Tom and it is likely I will end up watching the TV show, but I am a bit peeved about this concept.

What bugs me about it mainly is that these celebrities already have a significant amount of money behind them from previous things they have done, yet they are being paid by TV stations, in this case ITV2, to do something that many people have to save years for.

This is something that has really ruffled my feathers recently because travelling is something that I really want to do after I graduate next year, but after a massive reality check I realised that there is pretty much no way in hell that I will be able to afford to do this until a few years after graduation. Some of you may think that I should be patient and stop complaining, but as someone who will come out of university with debt exceeding £50,000 and a degree that I probably won't be able to start a profession in for many years due to budget cuts in the Ministry of Justice, I want to get as much life experiences under my belt as possible before I have the opportunity to settle in to a full-time job. 

Travelling is something that many people tend to do on a gap year, or normally when they are a little older further on in life. However, due to the shit nature of the industry I want to work in, there is a possibility I can get a job straight from university or I could go back to working in a cafe and have a grueling few years job hunting. Travelling offers life experience and the opportunity to see the world that is otherwise almost impossible to get - and travelling is something of a bit of a passion for me, and I love nothing more than seeing new places.

Don't get me wrong, the program will probably be a good watch and I will watch it to see the places they visit. The trailer for the program shows Tom and his friend experiencing many adrenaline-fueled activities including bungee jumping, skydiving, off-roading, camel riding and many more activities that the average person would have to pay hundreds of pounds for to be able to enjoy. They also get the cultural side of travelling, with something different in each country. The ITV2 website states that it isn't all "VIP packages and hotels" and that they "rough it backpacker style" - what is wrong with that?! I would absolutely love to do that, and definitely wouldn't call it 'roughing it', it's all part of the experience and would be incredible!

The show sees them go to 6 countries over six weeks including Japan, Australia, Thailand, Morocco and New Zealand - which happen to be some of the most expensive places to visit. It costs on average approximately anything around £10,000 to travel similarly to what they have done in this program. It will take me around 5 years to save up to be able to achieve that sort of level of travelling, and I would also like to travel Europe on top of this.

What I don't understand is why ITV2, or any other television company, doesn't pay a normal bunch of friends to go travelling and experience these activities and opportunities. It would be an authentic reaction and probably pretty good viewing on television, and would provide that group with an experience they could probably only dream of. Or even allocate a budget to the group and follow them as they plan, book, and embark on their own journey, without the interference of anyone else. This would definitely be something I would watch, and could turn in to something that inspires many people to go travelling! 

I am definitely volunteering myself and my friends for this if anyone wants to take up my proposition! 

I am expecting a significant amount of backlash from this where people are saying I am ungrateful, or that I should have done a different degree, or not gone to university at all if I want to do all these things. I went to university to better myself as a person - it has significantly changed me for the better, and I went to hopefully get myself a better career in a few years time than just being stuck in waitressing all my life. Travelling is something that has always been on the agenda for me, and I didn't take a gap year because of the sheer fact I knew I wouldn't then go to university and I would regret it for the rest of my life. The opportunity to travel will probably be very small, or I won't get to do it at all, but it is my goal whether it takes me 5 months or 5 years to save for.

So this is my rant over, for any of you wishing to watch Tom Daley Goes Global it starts Thursday April 10 at 9pm on ITV2.

As always thank you for reading, don't forget to follow me on all my social media over on the right, and I will see you next time!

The concept of "beauty"

As a girl I get called every name under the sun because of the way I look; so much so that I am now just expecting a hurl of abuse all the time about it. I know that this is a general thing that tends to happen to females because of the exaggeration in the media of this idealistic representation of beauty, which frankly is beyond inaccurate. But why should we have to endure this? Who is out there drawing up this blueprint of how every female should look, and saying that if they don't look like a certain way then they are instantly inferior and in the firing line of an endless tail of abuse? I would like to find this person and give them a good kick up the ass and a reality check. 

It appears that this concept of beauty stems from magazines and so called 'high fashion'. For example, lets address size zero. First of all, can I reaffirm the fact that in absolutely no way in hell is this either healthy or ideal, unless of course you have an abnormally fast metabolism and there is no way you can help this. Who on earth should go out their way to make themselves look like a lollipop? I know that many young girls are heavily influenced by these models they see in the likes of "Vogue" and all these other trashy things marketed simply to change the mentality of otherwise happy girls. Do these magazines not realise the sheer power they can have over the likes of a 13 year old girl who is trying to fit in with these unbelievably misjudged representations of a woman? They present this screwed up ideology that for some absurd reason looking like a skeleton is 'beautiful'. That is not beautiful in any way. Take for example this picture:

I am not sure who this is, but this is from a Spanish Vogue fashion show, and do you know what the Google image result was for this? "The Modern Cool". I mean, are you actually kidding me? She just looks unhealthy and malnourished and I just want to shove a burger down her throat. I cannot fathom how anyone would be happy like this. I for one have gone through this stage, yes, however I was not heavily influenced by all this size zero bullshit as it sort of occurred a bit after my early teenage years. Do these high fashion things not realise that a lot of young girls aspire to be like the things they idolize, and actually can cause serious long term damage to their bodies because of serious matters like starvation and eating disorders? 

I also have a serious issue with airbrushing. It's like the magazines who post all this shit are just never satisfied. I think the most current example I can think of is with Jennifer Lawrence. Let me show you this image:

I don't know about you, but I would kill to look like her pre-airbrush. She looks a million times more womanly and less little-girl like. If someone can justify to me why airbrushing occurs like this then please do as I genuinely cannot wrap my head around it. It is almost as if they are projecting this false representation of "perfection" that is quite plainly fake as no one can achieve it. Yet the media continues to brainwash society to believe that this is what a woman should look like. What I do not understand is that Jennifer Lawrence has an incredible figure, and is in no way overweight or whatever (another issue I shall address in a second) yet she is still airbrushed. How can the media project this image? Is there someone somewhere along the line who just thinks "fuck it, lets pretend that everyone who comes in here is stick thin and without blemishes"? No, Photoshop does that shit. No one is perfect, whether you believe it or not. Every single being on the planet has flaws, some may be physical and some may not be, but there is no such thing as a flawless person. So why does the media continue to portray that there is?

As I just mentioned weight issues, I will go with that for my next point. Before I launch in to this one, I want to share with you a few images I found on Tumblr surrounding this issue. I haven't credited them because I am not sure of their original source:

"Maybe if I lose some weight someone
will start to care"

"Everyone around me is losing weight and I feel so fat"

"Everything is fine as long as I am getting thinner"




"You don't deserve to eat. You really don't.
Look at you. You're fat. Your bones are being crushed until all this fat. You did this to yourself. Now you have to pay for it. Starve"

"Maybe if I lost weight I'd be able to smile again"







This is fundamental proof that girls are being both brainwashed and dangerously affected by the shit published by these magazines and other forms of media. On Tumblr, when I searched "weight" I would say that a good 70% are posts similar to those I have shown above. How can there be someone out there who is continuously installing this malfunctioning idea into the heads of teenagers and young adults? I am genuinely shocked at some of the things I found on the internet surrounding weight. There is no upper limit or lower limit on how much someone should weight to be classified as "beautiful". It's almost as if someone has gone around and drawn this imaginary suit that everyone has to fit in to be classed as beautiful. I also found this image of what girls tend to class as a 'perfect body':

I find this quite shocking to be perfectly honest. However, I am going to call some home truths about this. The first thing I want to address is the 'narrow waist'. As a female you will get to an age where your natural figure will show, and this generally means your waist will become defined and you will gain what is known as the "hourglass figure" - this is where your waist narrows slightly and your hips widen. That is what I would say is a gorgeous body shape, rather than this stick-insect thing people seem to want. As for collarbones, they tend to be defined in women whether you are slimmer or bigger. Skinny arms...who the hell wants stick arms? What is wrong with a little meat on your bones, seriously? Ah, the thigh gap. Why do young girls obsess over having a thigh gap? It seems to be the be all and end all at the moment. Newflash for you, girls, I have never had a thigh gap in my entire life. Does that make me fat? Does it fuck. The final point I want to address here is the "boobs" section of this. Here is a serious newsflash for you, girls. If you are ridiculously slim through dieting and whatnot, you will not have boobs. It is how nature goes. 

I think the final thing I am going to address here is general image, including the likes of makeup. Looking like you are fresh off the runway seems to be a part of every day life for a lot of young people these days. In recent years there has been a serious increase in the emphasis on fashion, hair, and makeup affecting both males and females. It seems to me that the pressure for anyone to look perfect is at breaking point. I have a younger sister (now 16) who very rarely leaves the house without any makeup on. Where did the acceptance of natural beauty go? I think that a lot of this is down to, shockingly, the media. You always get the pictures of celebrities with no makeup on like ridiculous headlines always focusing on the negative way of how someone looks. It is very rare for there to be a positive comment about how someone looks without makeup on. This seems to get installed in the minds of young people that they will be judged and penalized for leaving the house without looking pristine. The saying that you are your own worst enemy is seriously true. Many young people judge themselves based on what they believe and think others will think - which most the time is not true!

I am going to wrap this up, and stop rambling now. I will definitely make a part two of this article.

I know that this post cannot simply change the world, but I am hoping that it leaves a small part of confidence in any of you who are reading this. Under no circumstances should you change yourself because of something you read, or because someone makes a shitty remark about the way you look. 9 times out of 10 that person is most likely going to be jealous of you in some way. No one is perfect, and you shouldn't strive to be someone that you are not simply to please someone else. You should accept you for the way you are. If you are going through a tough time with people giving you grief because of the way you look then leave me a comment or a tweet, or drop an ask in my tumblr box and I will respond to you personally. I have been through all this shit, and I don't want to watch other people suffer. 

You are worth more than the nasty comments.

Keep your head held high and brush them off - don't doubt yourself because of someone else's insecurities. 

Confidence is key - once you master being happy with yourself you can conquer the world.

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Inappropriate life rant part three | growing up edition

So this week I turned 20 (hold the applause) and was happily informed by my housemate that I should expect a quarter life crisis. To be perfectly honest I just laughed this off and thought that it was one of those stupid phenomenons that you hear about. Then the other day it sort of hit me. I am 20. 20 years old. I am not a teenager anymore. My age begins with a 2. In 10 years I will be 30. Holy shit. 

A million and one questions started shooting through my head: am I going to go grey now? What am I doing with my life? What have I done in my life so far? What is the meaning of life? Where will I be in 5 years? How will I get the money for everything I want to do? Will I ever find someone who will ever marry me?

Don't laugh at me. I am genuinely having a panic about everything, literally everything. I genuinely spent an entire day panicking about the fact all I have done in the last 20 years is be in education. So naturally I thought that it would be a fantastic idea to share my panic with you guys to make me feel better about life, and that maybe I am not alone in this little quarter life crisis. I am not sure why this has been placed under an "inappropriate rant" title, but I think that it is fitting. Maybe. It probably isn't. I hope you're still reading. 

As you have probably guessed, I am panicking about the fact I am not 20. I had to change my Twitter bio to say "20" and writing that "2" genuinely almost made me have a panic attack. It probably didn't help that my Grandma was telling me that she got married when she was 18...I am like holy shit, and I am just sat here drinking 10 bottles of wine a week in a desperate bid to forget everything else (it works). I mean I have been alive for 20 years...twenty years and what have I done? Sail through the first few stages of education, then spend most of the rest of the last year drunk beyond belief or studying for exams. So thrilling. Although I am trying to think positive and think that my degree will benefit me in the next few years, and might hopefully help me get a better job. If there are jobs anywhere. 

This leads me nicely on to the fact that I have absolutely no idea what I am doing with my life. I have been studying criminology for over a year now, and I do enjoy it, but I am starting to think that I really don't know if I want to work in the criminal justice system anymore. I don't even know why I decided on criminology to be honest. If I am blunt with you guys, I really wanted to do law but I didn't think I would get the grades to do it. Turns out I got way better grades than what I thought so I could have done it...oops. Then I started this blog...fucked up everything, that did! I forgot how much I absolutely love writing. I did English Literature as an A Level and hated it (partly due to one shitty teacher) which really put me off writing/reading for a while - despite my mother telling me that I should have done English Language instead (she was right). Gah. I have been looking at postgraduate degrees...the only problem is that you only get a loan for your tuition, and I can't afford to stay down here. I literally have no idea what to do.

I also know that I want to do some travelling, or that sort of thing. Recently I have been looking at work placements in Walt Disney World and Universal Studios in Florida. I was considering taking a gap year before university to do something like that, but then thought that I probably wouldn't go to university in the first place if I did that. So I have been looking at it online recently for something to do for a year when I graduate. There are loads of different things that you can do in Walt Disney World and Universal studios, and I would love to work on the rides and whatnot. But I don't know whether I would even qualify. Have any of you guys worked there before? If you have then do tell me below what it's like. 

I am dying to go abroad for a few years when I graduate either way. I have family and friends over in Australia and would love to travel over there. I'd love to move there one day, too, so would be awesome to try and find a nice place to settle. I know that there are a group of Australian's who read my posts, so where do you guys think a good place for me to settle, get a good job, and find a nice man would be?! Heeeeeelp. Also, where are the best places to travel to? Comment your answers below - would love some help.

I have come to the conclusion that I am going to die alone. To make matters worse, I am allergic to cats so I can't become a crazy cat lady. Sad news. So I am going to become the crazy pug lady. I really want a pug. Like really badly. They're so cute!

The worst thing about becoming 20 means I feel like I now have to justify so many things. For your pure entertainment, I give you a list of the things I feel I need to justify:

Buying Bob The Builder pasta shapes

Going to Walt Disney World

Still watching the Disney Channel and Nick Jr

Loving Phineas and Ferb beyond belief

Buying stuffed toys

Enjoying going in play parks

Thinking that some kids rides are better than bigger rides

Going to Toys R Us

Still loving the films you did as a kid

So I still do all those things...but I do buy more things like Dora The Explorer pasta shapes. Don't judge me.

I'm also panicking about the fact I am going to go grey soon...

The best bit in all this? I already have arthritis....I shit you not. I have it in my ankle. 

Fuck.

I am going to stop ranting...this is a bit long isn't it?

Please comment if you are feeling like this, I don't want to be alone!

As always, thank you for reading, and I will see you next time!

Toodle-oo!

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Inappropriate people rant

Hello there, buddies.

I first of all have to make an apology to you guys. I recently went on a 3 week blogging break where I blogged once. So I do apologise for that. The reasons were I had a lot going on with working and heading back to uni that I found I didn't have the time I wanted to write the quality of posts that I usually do. I didn't think it was fair on you guys, and me, to be writing when it wasn't something I was enjoying or that I thought you wouldn't enjoy. So I made the difficult decision to stop writing for a while. 

I am now happy to say that this blogging break is over! I have finished work until December and I am now moved in my new house in Plymouth, so I can hopefully get back in to my normal writing routine. I am hoping to write normal posts every day (you have had two today, you lucky bunch), and some specialised posts throughout.

I am also happy to announce that I have two new original several part series debuting on my blog this month. I am hoping to launch my "How It Should Have Ended" series at the end of this month, with a new crime fiction series entitled "Into The Darkness" launching in the next few months. I will write a full synopsis of "Into The Darkness" tomorrow, but this will be a chapter series which will over time form a novel. I am very excited about this, and have the first half of chapter one written! I hope you will enjoy it!

Formal shit over; on with the rant!

So today I will be ranting about people. If you can put your hand on your heart and tell me that you don't get annoyed by people then I call bullshit. People are the most annoying things in the entire world. I am sorry, I love you and everything, but everyone at some point in their lives does something to annoy someone else. Unfortunately I am one of those people who just has almost zero tolerance for people, and gets really angry and certain things all the time. 

I have several little annoyances I am going to share with you. I am hoping that I can encourage you to rant about the things that people do that you really cannot stand because otherwise I am going to be alone and feel like a right asshole. 

First of all, the most annoying thing that I think people do is eating with their mouths open. I cannot stand it. At all. It is gross. You are not brought up in a zoo, so why would you eat like an animal?! You have manners, do you not?! I do tend to get quite angry when people do it, and often have to leave the room if I can hear someone eating. Don't know why.

Partially linked to this is the fact that a lot of the population seem to lack general manners. For example, not apologising if they walk in to you, or forgetting general life rules. I think this applies more to the younger teenage generation - the current 15/16 year olds. Now if you are this age and you are thinking I am talking a load of shit, then you are most likely the small percentage of that population that are actually polite human beings. However, I think that generation is slightly messed up in some ways. For example, I was sat in McDonald's in Plymouth having a drink with a friend at the end of last year when a woman with a newborn baby came in and sat down. Shortly following her were a bunch of about 16 year olds walked in, beer cans in hand, and started causing a load of chaos. Now call me old fashioned, but drinking when you are 16 is illegal anyway (I know we all did it, but not in a public place in the middle of the day) and I just think the way they were acting was completely out of hand. They then continued to sit next to the woman when the restaurant was almost empty, giving her shit and shouting at her. Then, if things could not get worse, they started pushing and shoving her with her newborn baby in her arms. I am sorry but those people just need a punch in the face. How dare they do that?! Seriously, some people just need to sort their lives out. Jeremy Kyle will be their next stop.

As you all know, I really cannot stand bad grammar or language. It seriously ruffles my feathers when people talk in text-talk or whatever. Seriously. Are people just not educated in proper English these days? Someone please explain to me why so many people just cannot talk in a proper manner.

For some reason, I find the current group of teenagers very frustrating - as you can probably see by my little rant a second ago. They just seem so disrespectful to the older population and seem to think that they are above absolutely everything else. Now I know I am not exactly much older than them, and I still have a lot to learn, but they are just something else. Especially when I used to have to turn some people away from a place I used to work for being underage then claiming that they "have the wrong ID". I am sorry, no. Get some manners. 

Then there are those fucking irritating 2 faced and bitchy people. For some reason, this seems to be something that shows itself more in girls. As a rule, I find it really difficult to get on with girls as it is, and most of my friends are actually male, so when people end up being a twat then any trust is literally destroyed in milliseconds. So if you are reading this as one of my friends and you happen to be female, congratulations you aren't an asshole. Bitchy people piss me off because of the fact that 99.9% of the time they will do it behind your back then be sickly-sweet to your face. I mean, grow some balls and be a bitch to my face. 

The world's most annoying type of person is the person who says that they will/won't do something then go and do the complete opposite. I think everyone knows a person who does this, if you don't then you are extremely lucky. They are the type of people who fuck up plans that get made at the last minute - I got messed around with some Katy Perry tickets a few years ago the day before after people had an entire year to sort everything out. This type of person is a pain in the ass half of the time, and I am now learning to steer clear of this sort of thing. I never make solid plans with anyone who I know will probably fuck me about. Happy days.

Then we have those lovely selfish people. Don't you just love them? Those people who just do things to benefit them, or only want to know you when they want to. I knew someone like that in my first year at university. Safe to say that I am no longer friends with this person. Bitch. 

I also seem to have a little tiny bit of a problem with Justin Bieber (queue hate from Beliebers). I am sorry, but everyone is entitled to their own opinion, Beliebers' just happen to love him whilst I happen to dislike him. I think fame has gone to his head and he is not a good role model for his younger followers. I hope that this moment of pure madness that he is going through is seriously short-lived as it is getting old and this spoiled brat look is not desirable. Sort it out, Bieber.

I also dislike the fact that there are many people who are on the roads these days who simply cannot drive. Like they are seriously dangerous. I am not necessarily talking about people driving too fast, although that does play a role, but even going too slow is dangerous too, y'know? I was driving down a road the other day that has a 60mph restriction on it, and I was going about 50mph as it is a slightly windy and hilly road, so always better to go a bit slower. But there was a guy going under 15mph....15mph. I had to slam on my breaks because he was at the bottom of a hill and I couldn't see him. But that was so dangerous to be going that slow on a road with that limit. There are also those people who just don't pay attention and end up almost going in to the back of people, or just being a hazard. Do not go on your mobile phone when you drive, asshole. I have seen this so many times. The worst was when I saw a woman driving, whilst using her phone, with 2 young children in the car. Responsibility, woman.

I also hate the fact that there are a small proportion of people who act completely different around different groups of people. Like, what is with the split personality? Surely you should just be yourself and not conform to the mannerisms and whatnot of different groups of people. It seriously bugs me. 

I do have a slightly petty thing on here in that it bugs me when people say that they don't like Nandos without having tried it. Although I do think that I am slightly biased with the fact that I absolutely adore Nandos. But I mean who doesn't like chicken? Unless you are a vegetarian or something...then I will let you off.

I cannot stand nosey people who want to know what you are doing all the time. The worst one is when you are texting or writing or something and you catch them reading over your shoulder. I am like, "sorry, did you want me to read my private text out loud so you can know what is going on?". If you do this, I suggest that you don't bother, because you are just not cool. 

Finally, (I know this has gone on considerably longer than usual, sorry) but when someone cannot grasp the fact that everyone has their own personal space that shouldn't be invaded unless they are invited to, I get seriously irritated. As a rule, I don't like being touched, like at all. So if someone is like all over me, or constantly sticking their head or arms or something really close to me, then I get really uncomfortable. So please don't do it.

And I am going to stop this now because I don't want to bore you.

I hope you have enjoyed this post! If you would like to see more then do hit the "Join This Site" button to hear more from me before anyone else does!

I am planning on making this "Inappropriate Rant" thing a bit of a mini-series as they are the things you guys seem to like more. 

Stay tuned on my site as I have some awesome new things coming your way and I can't wait to show you them all!

As always, thank you for reading and I will speak to you tomorrow!

Toodle-oo, lovelies!

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Inappropriate life rant part two

Hello there, buddies.

The first part of this seemingly continuing series was very popular and it seems that you guys are relating to it quite well - which I am both pleased and not pleased about as I have gone through a lot of shit and I don't like that you guys had to go through it too.

There is a lot of shit going on at the moment which means I could probably turn this rant in to a like 20 episode long thing. If you think that is a good idea then let me know - if not I think it might be time for me to invest in a diary.

I have a feeling that this rant is going to be even more varied and bloody here there and everywhere than the last one, so if you get to the end and understand what on earth is coming out of my keyboard then you get a fluffy rainbow rabbit wearing a sombrero as a prize.

I have also been writing this over about a month so it really is a few chunks of things that have happened fairly recently. So bear with!

Also, I have had shitty internet for ages now which is why I haven't posted in so long - don't hate me.

First of all I would like to thank a few people for putting up with me over the last few weeks as I think I have been a horror to live with and talk to. I want to thank the lovely Vikki for allowing me to be a pain in the ass pretty much 24/7 and complain about pretty much everything to her, and for giving me advice even though she knows I probably won't listen to it. Lots of love going her way. Also to +James and Josh for being pretty much the only people in the world that I talk to these days. They stop me getting caught up in the inter-web and losing the will to live. Then on a less formal note, I want to thank You Me At Six for making awesome music that has been significantly therapeutic over the last few days when all I have wanted to do is scream at the world. Especially Josh Franceschi for having the most beautiful voice in the entire world. Not that they will ever read that, but hey ho. I feel like I am accepting an Oscar...

Ok, I am going to kick this off with the fact that I just hate people. Yup, I hate people. Ok I think I generalised that too much, but at the moment there are certain people in the world who just make me go like this "kdlaksd;lk;alsk" then scream at everything. That has literally been my mentality for the last few days. On that slightly freaky and abnormal note, lets continue.

Branching off ever so slightly from that, I don't understand why people bitch about one person to you but then go act like they are best friends with that one person. I have discovered that if people bitch about someone to you, then it is likely that they bitch about you, too. Long story short, all girls are bitches. Yes this applies to myself, but I am more of the sort of person who tells you if they have a problem rather than go and back stab you. To be honest, since writing this paragraph (about 3 weeks ago) I am now finding that whole situation far too amusing. People have really proven themselves over the last few months so I am so done with people who are just going to give me shit for every single thing I do. So, sorry, but not sorry.

Something that sort of relates to being a student, I strongly dislike it when people are not understanding and whatnot. I have recently been involved in a conversation about issues such as money and stuff where I have said my opinion on certain expensive things and have been completely shot down because of it. I then went on to discuss the fact my loan barely covers my rent and that I see none of it so I cannot afford luxuries that I used to be able to when I had a steady job. Once again I got shot down. Never have I felt so small in my entire life. I felt extremely patronised by that conversation and I will never be able to look at the select group of people in the same way. I do not take kindly to being belittled over something that I cannot help.(Don't worry, I will babble on to my normal self soon).

Do you ever feel really annoyed at someone because they use stereotypes? This is something I am finding increasingly annoying as I grow older. The main few stereotypes I dislike are tattooed people, overweight people and people with disabilities. I am a strong believe in the phrase "never judge a book by its cover". When I hear someone judge someone else because of how they look my brain is like "what the fuck?". The one I find most annoying is the whole tattoo stereotype. I have tattoos. Do I look like a stereotype? No. So why do it?! Seriously? What the fuck is wrong with the world?

As a rule, I tend to not give two shits about some things in life ‘cause I know that worrying about them is just going to get me nowhere. But when you are there for someone through everything they put you through, then they chuck it right back in your fucking face, but still expect you to be there for them afterwards is just a fucking joke. But wanna know the best bit? I am that fucking mug who will be there, too. It seems that no matter what shit I get chucked through, I will just be stupid enough to go running back. Seriously, what is wrong with me? The best bit is that they clearly know I do it, and know they can basically get away with murder. Especially the shit that has already gone down. Like seriously. I need a fucking medal or something. I just can’t seem to help myself. It is just bringing me down worse and worse every time. I need to stop it, but I just can’t. Anyone help? The worst bit is when they rub it in your face. One thing happens and they either lie to you but make it obvious that they’re lying, or they just continuously drop hint after fucking hint. For example, they say one thing, then consistently reassure you that it is true, yet a week later admit they lied. Then say they don’t know what they will do without you and that they are sorry bla bla fucking bla. Seriously, someone help me because it is just going to ruin me soon. I am literally on breaking point, here.

Or we have the situation I am currently facing – not quite a situation as you will see, but I am seriously lacking words at the mo. I have recently discovered a guy who is so fucking gorgeous it is unreal. OMG I am seriously trying not to drop any hints on who this person is because that would be embarrassing, and he might read this….Oh, God. OK, yeah, hot guy. And he is lush basically. Also note that he is waaaaayyy out of my league and I am definitely punching above my weight, not that I stand a chance in hell, but hey ho. Anyways, so there I am chatting away, being completely obvious in everything I am saying (shock horror, the blunt girl being obvious – I know, I know) but I think it is safe to say I genuinely stand no chance here. Which is annoying ‘cause he seems like such a nice guy, too, which makes a nice change from some of the people I have been with. It is now completely obvious who this person is if they are reading. Awkward. I am just gonna stop on that bit now.

Weird girly shit over, I have recently discovered the fact that I hate it when people don't say thank you. I am not overly fussed on please's but if someone doesn't say thank you then I will seriously resist the urge to say something sarcastic back to them. You all know what I am like with sarcasm - I just can't help myself. But oh my God, some people are just rude.

I feel like I am blabbering on like my last rant.

Another thing I want to add is that I am getting so fucking irritated at my internet. My internet provider (who will not be named to save my own ass) is so shit. I have had no decent internet for about 3 months now. Safe to say, they will be getting an angry phone call tomorrow.

One thing I am briefly going to rant about is Google Communities. I recently got added to a community by the admin because they liked my posts on here. So naturally I post my new one to their page only to get the admin to both criticise my title and tell me to change it, then to get my name wrong. Number one, you added me to the community so you know what my posts are like, so there was no need for you to tell me to change my title. Number two, how the fuck can you get my name wrong when it is right above the post?! I just thought this was ridiculous. Apparently my title was misleading...this is after they had read my posts and liked them to the extent they want me to share them further. I just got offended more so that they got my name wrong. Is that bad? Safe to say I will not be recommending the community, nor posting any more to it. Such a rude admin.

Oh my God, another thing (I will try make this the last one, but no promises) is that my entire Facebook feed is full of soppy relationship statuses. Like all the time. I am not sure if I just hate them, or that they are making me jealous. But it is starting to bug me. 

Anyways I am going to shut up now because I feel like I am boring you.

Don't forget, if you got this far your prize is a rainbow bunny wearing a sombrero. Congrats, you are awesome.

If you liked this post then be sure to click "Join This Site" at the top left to hear more from me!

Until next time, toodle-oo!

PS. I hope you like my new home page - it took me hours!

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