A Life Update: 6 Months On

It has been a while since I have done a life update. 

A year ago this week I completed on my new house. At the time, I was somewhat happily engaged and getting excited about making a house into a home. 

Fast forward one year, that house is on the market, you know the story about the relationship, I have two great dogs and I am looking towards to the next chapter.

Has that been smooth sailing? Far from it. 

That original transition from being in a relationship that I thought was it to being on my own in a massive house was difficult. I will be the first to say that I still find things difficult. I find it hard that I am so far away from the majority of my family who are all usually quite busy; I often feel isolated and lonely. I struggle on a daily basis with my mental health. Financially, things are hard. I am paying for the majority of my house on my own - my outgoings are not far off my whole salary. My ex pays for half the mortgage and council tax, but refuses to pay for anything else. Then he tells me he has no money and that this whole situation is my fault. I am not the one who cheated. 

But at the same time, I feel free. 

I can buy Christmas decorations that I want without someone controlling what the house looks like. I can wear Disney clothes if I want without someone telling me I can't leave the house with them on. I can sit and eat what I want without someone calling me fat. I can put a Mickey Mouse spoon holder in the kitchen because someone else hasn't put me down for wanting Disney in the house. I can let the dogs in the living room because someone isn't demanding that they are kept in the kitchen. I can come in from work and sit down for a little while because someone isn't sitting on their ass expecting dinner to be made as soon as I come in. I can relax on a Saturday because someone isn't refusing to do any housework. I can plan my weekends how I want because someone isn't demanding we do everything with their family and not mine. I can say no when my mental health isn't great because someone else isn't causing the problems. I have control over my own life because someone else hasn't. 

I look back over the last six months of being on my own and I see how far I have come. I have gotten over what happened and I have gotten over my ex. Yes, I still resent that he put me in this situation and blames me, telling me this is all my fault so I have no one else to blame. Yet, he had an easy life; never had to lift a finger, got his way on almost everything. His family were fantastic to me during the time we were together and we got on very well. They will, of course, support their family member, despite what he did and what he caused, and I am very aware and accepting of that. 

I have recently removed his family from my Facebook page, despite a few people telling me I should keep them. I decided that to move on, this was something I needed to do for me. I am not living my life for someone else anymore, I am living it for me. 

I have had people ask me if I am dating at the moment. The answer is no. I did try for a while but I have decided to take some time for myself and to learn to be on my own. I also would not want to bring someone else into this mess. It wouldn't be fair to them or to me. 

I have lived on my own in this house now longer than I lived with my ex. Living on your own is very liberating. I have never seen it as something daunting as a lot of people do. I have my own space, with my own belongings how I want them. You learn to enjoy your own company and the smaller things in life. I love sitting on my sofa, lighting my candles and having a snuggle with my boys. 

I am looking forward now to getting rid of the house. It will be a long journey, as it has been so far. The house has been on the market for six months and has recently been taken off, to be put back on in January. I am hoping to have it sold before summer next year so I can be in a new house for my holiday next year. I am really looking forward to not having to have any ties to him or his family so I can move on to this next chapter in my life. 

So for anyone in this, or a similar, situation. Keep treading water because one day you will float. 

I have a lot to look forward to over the next year, so hopefully my next life update will be a happier one! 

From To-Be-Wed To One In Bed

Just three months ago I was happily engaged, planning a wedding and loving life as a fiancee, homeowner and puppy mum. 

Now I am single, living alone, struggling with money but ultimately still a puppy mum. Silver linings and all that. 

Essentially, things went tits up. But I am past the stage of wanting to scream and cry in a corner. I have come to peace with what has happened; I no longer hate my ex, although I definitely don't want to remain friends just due to what actually did happen. I don't hide what happened, but I also don't actively avoid discussing it. If people want to know, I tell them. If people don't ask, I don't say. If he were to walk past me, I would say hello, even if he wouldn't. I am now at that stage where I am looking forward to this chapter closing. I am looking forward to the future and what it has in store for me. 

The last few months have been eye opening and have given me a chance to reflect on my lifestyle, choices in life and look at who I want to be in the future.

Don't get me wrong, I miss the security I had. My life plan was well on track and now I have given up on the idea of ever getting married and having kids. My two dogs, who I will introduce in a later post, have been life savers. I am a planner, and having someone else stir up my plans without any prior warning to me has been hard to deal with.

I will be frank. I sought help. For the first time in my life, I knew when I wasn't mentally well and I actively went looking for help. To me, that was a big thing. I knew that I wasn't doing too good; I was feeling extremely down, constantly on edge, stressed beyond words and I didn't eat a proper meal for a month. There was a point where I did think I couldn't do this anymore. So, I went to my doctor. I was eventually diagnosed with depression and anxiety. At first I wasn't too sure, but accepting help when I needed it has worked wonders. 

When people said to me three months ago that time is a healer, I didn't believe them. I spent most my time alone in my house, curled up on the sofa crying. Now, although I still enjoy my alone time, I see friends, go out shopping, or visit family. I have a perfect balance between sitting on the sofa, puppy either side, watching Love Island and drinking a cup of tea and surrounding myself with family, having a drink and watching the World Cup. 

The down side? My fuel consumption has doubled (sorry, environment) just due to how much I am getting about now. 

I am having those realisations of all the things I can do, places I can go and things I can buy that were off the table. 

I can go to Japan! I can decorate my house how I want. I can buy that Christmas bedding. 

What is next for me?

I have a ton of plans. I have plans with girls from work to go away at Christmas, to get drunk in London and take horrendous pictures. I am going away in August to Disney World. I am hoping to go away a couple of times next year. I am starting a new health routine in September after my holiday for both my physical and mental health. I am functioning on my own. 

So, for anyone out there in a similar situation to me a few months ago. Keep ploughing through. I could throw a ton of cliches at you and you will roll your eyes, but they are true.

Time is a healer.

Things get better.

Keep going. 

More importantly, learn to accept and move on without a second glance back. 

Welcome To The Real World

Ever feel like you have suddenly walked into a brick wall, bashed your head so hard that you have been dazed and taken a minute or so to gain your composure, and often your mind, back again? Well, this is me right now. But instead of a brick wall, I am running fast and strong into that massive wall that is life. 

I have recently been watching Jane the Virgin (I recommend it, it is great!). Jane is prone to romanticising things; thinking the world is perfect; looking at things through rose-tinted glasses, putting her all into everything and everyone. I was wondering why I was getting into this show so quickly considering I am not a big TV person.

Then it hit me (common theme here). That is me. I romanticise things.

I spent so long focussing on the positives, or in some circumstances, trying to find or forcing positives than I did acknowledging the negatives, or flaws. 

This stands for everything from my lifestyle, my previous relationship, my work life. Everything. 

I think my current "situation" - this makes it sound so ominous but I have no other way or referring to it - has made me realise that I need to take those rose-tinted glasses off, throw them away and put on my big girl specs. 

I long for that life where everything is perfect. I long to love and be loved. I want the life you see in a film. 

Well, let's face it. That is never going to happen. Sure, I will get parts of that. Or at least I hope I will. But there will be speed bumps, hurdles and brick walls. This is one of them. 

I have spent months feeling angry, bruised and lost. I too am one of those people who puts their all into everything. I put my all into the last 2 years; into my relationship, my house and my life. 

It didn't work out. 

So what?

Why should I feel misplaced, tossed aside and angry when I should feel empowered, strong and determined?

Those rose-tinted glasses are well and truly in the bin. My big girl specs are super glued to my head and will stay there. 

Time to move forward. 

We All Fall Down

Well, it has been a while. 

Since we last spoke, I bought a house, got engaged, got 2 puppies, planned a wedding and was then left for someone else. 

One second I had everything I could ever dream of. The next, nothing. 

It has been a whirlwind and I am left here broken. But still standing. 

So where am I now?

I am heading back to Florida with my parents in August, so you can stay tuned for a bit of information about that.

I am now a single mummy to two beautiful Goldendoodles called Albus and Remus. 

I have decided I need to focus a little bit on me. I am going to start going back to the gym and work on my mental wellbeing for a while. 

I am back to saving for a house (again). Until that happens I will remain living in my house with my ex-fiance (yes, not great). 

I am going to spend some time getting over my relationship. People keep telling me that time is the best healer. Do I wish he would change his mind? Of course. Do I sit crying any time I think about the fact I have to leave my beautiful house to the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with? Undoubtedly. 

So, now you are here to join me on my journey back to normality. 

Buckle up. 

15 Signs You're Growing Up

Traditionally you're viewed as an adult when you hit 18 years old (or 21 in the USA, sorry!). However, as an almost-22-year-old I would like to dispute this. 

It is only now that I am starting to feel like I can almost fend for myself...sort of. 

Although, parts of my brain are still under construction and development...the Disney aspect of my brain still holds a lot of control.

However, as of recently there have been small things I have begun to notice that show I am not really the youngster my brain seems to think I am. 

So, I have decided that there are about 15 signs that really show when you are getting out of that stage of your life, and gradually progressing on to becoming an adult. 



1. You make your own doctors appointments 

2. And go to them on your own

3. You find yourself turning down the music

4. New slang words go over your head

5. Muscles and joints you didn't know you have start to ache

6. Chart music is somewhat a mystery 

7. Phrases such as "when I was younger" are creeping into your everyday vocabulary 

8. Christmas has lost some of its magic

9. But socks are suddenly the best present 

10. Early nights are appealing

11. Because long nights out are too much effort

12. And nights in with Netflix are better anyway

13. You realise the big 3-0 isn't too far away

14. People are starting to ask you when you plan on settling down

15. But most of all, you wish you were 6 again. 


I think that pretty much sums up how I have felt over the last few weeks. It would appear that growing up and getting older is pretty freaking scary! 

So, tell me in the comments below when did you first realise you were growing up, or what are you least looking forward to?

| FACEBOOK | TWITTER | TUMBLR | INSTAGRAM | BLOGLOVIN |