Resolutions

Normally I am not one to make resolutions, or bother with this "new year, new me" shit. I once made a resolution to stop swearing...within a few minutes several versions of the word "fuck" had escaped my mouth and from then on I never bothered.

This year, I am giving in. 

I am making a resolution. Or two. OK, three. 

I hope you are rolling your eyes at me as hard as I am right now.

My resolution, as I admitted, is three-pronged.

First, physicality. 

It is highly obvious that I am marginally overweight, despite my doctor telling me otherwise. I have an amazing holiday coming up that I would rather not look like a slightly melted marshmallow stuffed inside a pair of shorts for. So, I am pledging to you that I am going to lose weight. How much? I would like to lose around two and a half stone by December next year. I would like to have lost at least one and a half stone by the end of July, just before I go on holiday. This time I won't do it for six months, lose a stone, get bored then pile it all back on plus extra. I am going to enjoy my last few days of eating all the shit leftover from Christmas whilst I can!

How am I going to do it? Well, conveniently, in order to save for my holiday, pay my bills and survive, I will be living on £12 a week from 1st January. This means I can't necessarily buy all the shit I would usually snack on, or treat myself to the odd take out. I will be buying the same basic ingredients every single week until August - partly out of choice, mostly because I have to. I will also be using my dogs as an exercise tool, making the most out of the walks we go on. I am poor enough that I can't afford the gym, so I will be doing a home workout of some sorts every night after walking the dogs. This means a lot of planning, which I have started to do now so watch this space!

Second, mentality.

I have made no secret on here of my mental health struggles over the last few months. I have already started attempting to work on these, but it is going to be a long uphill battle to the finish line. So, I am pledging to you that I promise to do more of what makes me happy, and less of what doesn't. I am going to try and spend more time working on writing both my blog and my book which has been a great tool to channel my thoughts in to. 

I will try to stop taking on too much when I know I can't handle it; I will do the mental exercises that I have been set; I will try to stop getting stressed about the unknown; I will spend more time working on me. I have slowly learned to accept help when I know I need it, so I am going to continue working with that help to get myself back on the right track.

Third, eventuality.

I am a planner. A serious one at that. When I can't plan for something, or the plan doesn't come through it gives me anxiety. It makes me feel uneasy, on edge and unable to function properly. This is what I am dealing with at the moment. Essentially, this works happily, or not so, alongside mentality. My family have always joked that I am too much of a planner and I need to plan everything; I am a sucker for a list and I plan things down to the last second. In a situation like I am in now where it is impossible to plan for anything apart from tomorrow, I am pretty much useless. It would appear that this could be the main cause of my mental health issues at the moment, which hopefully will improve shortly. I need to get past this hurdle in my life. I am at a crossroads and I have no fucking clue where to go with it. I need to sell my house, but the market is slow. I need to save money, but I am paying stupid money a month on my house. I need to find a new house, but I can't do that until I sell this one. It is an endless cycle and even now typing this, I am feeling uneasy about everything. 

So, how does this fit in with resolutions? I need to plan slowly for any eventuality; keeping my options open but being prepared for anything that may come my way. I am being organised and trying to get my ducks in a row and I am sincerely hoping that I am going to be able to type this post bloody happier next year. 

2019 cannot come soon enough, I am so fucking done with this year! I am currently planning (shock) how to go about all of the above and look forward to sharing and whining with and at you next year. 

I still say resolutions are a pile of shit, but here we go!